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How do you cope at work when you are feeling awful?

(6 Posts)
bemsaker Mon 31-Aug-09 20:15:24

I really feel like I am not coping well at work...went back 8 months ago after my second child and lots had changed...lack of sleep, the death of my dad and other factors made it really hard. 6 months ago my dept restructured and I have a new manager who I don't get along with and find it really hard to not contain my angry feelings. The other day when feeling pretty awful I sort of snapped at her and she told me that I was really disrespectful and blunt. I am trying to get some sort of counselling atm, as I feel v unhappy. I have never had problems at work and have always been pretty well I feel stuck. I am looking for another job, but it is not a great time to find a interesting decently paid part time job. Sorry for the ramble, need some friendly advice.

wobbegong Mon 31-Aug-09 23:59:08

Gosh this sounds really difficult. I am not sure that I have good advice but I didn't want your post to go unanswered.

My friendly advice is always to try to keep personal problems out of the work environment, as much as humanly possible. Therefore I would be inclined to email her and apologise for snapping at her, otherwise it's just going to fester. Perhaps you could just allude to having difficulties outside of work and that you are taking this all seriously and don't intend to make a habit of biting her head off.

Then you really really have to work hard to pull it together at work and not to snap again. Counting to ten, walks at lunchtime, taking the "fuck em I'm only here for the money" approach- these are all things I have done in the past. That and book a short holiday, if you can.

Do you manage to fit in much exercise? I find that really helps when I'n feeling angry. Swimming is a good one.

Do you have an HR department you get along with? Might be worth while clocking in with them. Can they mediate on some of the things which are annoying you about your line manager?

In terms of the root problem, good luck with the job hunt and the counselling. And have you spoken with your GP?

I really hope things are looking up for you soon bemsaker.

LylaB Tue 01-Sep-09 10:35:53

Hi Bemsaker,

I am sorry to hear you're having an awful time at the moment. Life is really hard and unsettling changes like the loss of your dad and work restructures don't help.

I agree with Wobbegong in that you should probably apologise to your manager. An email works well if you don't want to do it face to face.

Regardless of whether your problems are personal or work related or both, you need to inform some one at work. Everyone goes through rocky times and we all have problems.

I have recently had to speak to HR about getting some help. I am not comfortable with them knowing I am not happy but they see it as me being proactive about getting help and they are referring me to the occupational health so I can get some counselling. They also told me that I do not need to say anything (ie what the problems are) which made me feel a lot better.

If your HR cannot help with counselling, then make an appointment with your GP and get them to refer you.

I hope this helps you and that in time, things will improve.


bemsaker Tue 01-Sep-09 20:01:21

Thanks for your advice...I have apologised and she wants us to meet to see how we can better work together. I am not the only one who is having problems with her - 3 other members of staff find her style of managment oppressive. I had an informal chat with the union guy today as there a few of us who feel overworked.

Our HR dept isn't much cop - my line manager knows about my dad. I am quite a private person and don't really want work people knowing all about my life.

I definately need to exercise more - I do yoga at lunchtime once a week and that has helped my stress levels - but need to do more.

I went to see a family support worker at the GP and she has given me some counselling services to follow up.... I really want to make some sense of how I am feeling.

Paranoid1stTimer Tue 01-Sep-09 22:35:07

I have to say you have done really well in talking to family support worker and seeing about counselling. The death of your father is a very very personal thing that you probably feel is impossible for anyone else to understand, even those who have been through it.

My mum died very suddenly and relatively young about 2 yrs ago. I was in the process of being made redundant and applying for new jobs when she died. I ended up having to take a job that I had interviewed for that I only accepted as a fall back you know? Anyway, I didn't get on with my LM at all. She wasn't even there when I started and no one in the office knew who I was when I walked in and they were all completely rolling their eyes and tutting at each other when they had to delegate someone to show me around and what to do. I hardly spoke a word. They were all really unhelpful and I was just basically a nuisance to them as the dept was also going through restructuring and they all hated their jobs at that time.

I never mentioned my mums death to anyone as it is very personal to me. I am still struggling every day and am short tempered, angry and depressed. I think a lot of it has to do with the way my family and my life has fallen apart after Mums death. You worry so much about how it is affecting everyone else that it makes it hard to express how you really feel about it.

Good luck with the counselling. I really hope it helps you find some peace within yourself. I am trying to get the courage to make the same step you have and get some help.

LylaB Wed 02-Sep-09 13:46:32

Bems, I am so pleased you have made such positive steps. Well done !!

Para - I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I equate the office environment to being back on the school playground. It's hideous. No one has ever liked me in the office from the onset and it hurts like hell but they come round eventually and then I get "I didn't like you when I met you, but now I know you, you're lovely." Thanks !

They forgets what it's like to be the new person.. but we were all once...

It's also doubly difficult because you've lost your mommy.

When you are ready, speak to your family support worker. I know it's hard but with small baby steps you will get there.

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