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Not Surprising after everything thats going on but....

(28 Posts)
Toothache Tue 31-May-05 10:12:16

....I really feel low. I've had 2 hysterical panic attacks in the past 3 days. DH was horrible to me saying that PND was coming back and he would take me to the Doctors. Not something to say to someone who is already panicking about being treated like a freak. He said he would support me through everything with my parents. But the one time I need him and he behaves just like he did when I had PND.... being cold, angry, spiteful and eventually shoving me out of the way telling me he can't handle me. Can't handle me crying coz he's hurt my feelings??

Oh I know I'm not making much sense, but I'm at work and don't want to go into details just now in case I cry again.

Doesn't my happiness matter to DH? Am I just a problem that needs solved.

I've had so much to deal with over the past few months I can really feel myself slip out of control again. I need to gain control again and quickly before I'm back in the depression loop.

beansprout Tue 31-May-05 10:18:07

I don't know the details of your circumstances at the moment but am really sorry to hear this. Hope you can get through the day and that dh is nicer to you this evening. xx

Mum2Ela Tue 31-May-05 10:31:49

Chick is yours the thread about yourt mum leaving your dad? I haven't had chance toread it yet but, assuming it is, you've got a hellof a lot to deal with atm. Does your DH realise jut how much this is affecting you? Obviously not.

I am not sure what to say, nothing can make it better.

Try to deal with today atm, don't think about what might happedn tomorrow, just try to get through today and focus on your life, although obviously your parents problems will affect you, remember that you need to think about yourself too, so that your health doesn't suffer.

x

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 10:41:59

Yes M2E - Thats my thread.

My Mum and Dad put me in the middle. I have to work with him (in fact he's my boss atm)... I hated my job before then anyway!

DH has been put through hell at his work, thankfully resolved, but I think the effects it's had on us are just materialising.

I'm starting to get paranoid after I've spoken to people that I might have said something stupid. In the past few days my confidence has hit rock bottom and I'm worrying constantly what people think about me. I don't want to be like that again.

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 11:10:49

My Dad at this very moment is having a rant to all the guys in the office saying that he just wants to rap his job coz he's sick of all the stress.... he says he wants to "Just go stack shelves in Tescos until he retires..... but they probably won't hire me coz you have to brain dead".

He knows that my DH works there, my Mum worked there for 7yrs and has just left.... and now my 16yr old brother works there.

WHy does he feel the need to ridicule us for the sake of a few laughs in the office. I'm not strong enough to fight this daily battle anymore.

catgirl Tue 31-May-05 11:54:56

sorry you are going through this, how about saying to your dad 'in your opinion you may have to be brain dead to work in tesco's but you do have to nice! But that probably wouldn't help! When I want to mutter about people who are annoying me, I tend to (quietly) wish piles on them! Makes me smile to myself .

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 12:34:58

I just want to go home and curl up in a ball. Then again I don't know if I want to go home either. Is there a happy place for me at the moment?

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 12:53:46

Well yes there is! Mumsnet!!

Not RL though is it.

MarsLady Tue 31-May-05 12:55:34

oh toothy, I wish I could help.

We're going out just now before we all go stir crazy but will check on you when I get back. I just wish I could do more than send you virtual hugs.

You're a great girl and you don't deserve the crap that has entered your life.

M

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 12:57:05

Thanks Mars.

Gomez Tue 31-May-05 12:57:05

Ahh Tooty not really got anything constructive to say I am afraid - no experience at all. Is this how you felt with PND previously? Can you take some time-off work? Tell your dad he is a d*ck and in a work environment that you don't want to hear it? Go for a swim/run/massage after the kids are in bed. Try some herbal pick-you ups?

Do you really feel that you are slipping into depression again or is it everything getting you down in a normal way and a good scream/shout and tell everybody to buck up would help?

As for your DH - maybe he just can't provide the support, in the manner you want? Not that he doesn't want to but just can't get there. I ask because I am really not very good with emotional outbursts and find it really difficult to act appropriately or provide the 'soft' support that is needed. Particularly if he finds it difficult to see you like that - i.e. it hurts him - he will probably find it even harder. Could you accept that he just can't do it and get the support from a friend or professional. Call your HV. Sorry just rambling lots of ideas please ignore if no help whats so ever!

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 12:59:47

Thanks Gmoez. I find it very hard to put things into perspective now with feelings of depression. I don't know if I'm reacting in exactly the same way as I would have before suffering PND. I just associate these feelings with being depressed and out of control.

I find it very hard to accept that DH won't help me or even be civil to me in that situation. Why not? Am I that hard to love?

catgirl Tue 31-May-05 13:01:33

nothing constructive to add, but Gomez sounds like a wise person! Hope you can do whatever gets you through this - is there any light at the end of the tunnel?

By the way, looking at your origial post surely the docs won't treat you 'like a freak'?

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 13:01:51

Gomez - Sorry..prematurely posted there!

I mean I can understand it must be hard for him to see me like that.... but if it's so hard why does he go out of his way to make the situation worse.... and to hurt me? Just thinking out loud now, I know nobody can answer that.

Gomez Tue 31-May-05 13:02:05

Not that hard to love but maybe he loves you too much?

Gomez Tue 31-May-05 13:03:41

On a practical note calling your HV/GP maybe isn't such a bad plan anyway? Also a Docs appointment would give you a legitamate reason to have a wee bit time away from work.

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 13:04:08

Catgirl - no the doctor won't. But I almost feel rebelious.... like why should I take pills just to make DH's life easier. Childish I know.

catgirl Tue 31-May-05 13:15:52

but wouldn't you be taking pills/getting whatever sort of help to make your life better ...

Heathcliffscathy Tue 31-May-05 13:24:18

toothache, i'm so sorry for what you're going through. dh's behaviour is really crap but is he this way all the time? if not, perhaps there is something about depression or upset that triggers something for him...does he have someone in his family that has been depressed. it seems to me that he is reacting completely inappropriately and so maybe not actually reacting to you so to speak, but to something about the way you are that triggers something in him. does this make any sense at all....

not something you want to be dealing with atm, but perhaps as a perspective helps you not to take it as a personal attack on you so much...

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 13:28:35

I've come so far and have done so well since dd was born. I really don't feel like this is PND. Honestly I think DH is secretly hoping I'm depressed therefore he can exonerate himself of any blame for the state I am in.

I can't let him think that this is all because I am ill..... and he doesn't have to try at all. he can just relax safe in the knowledge that he's been rigth the whole time and I am clearly mental. He is majorly contributing to me feeling dragged back down there.

It does feel like a personal attack. Sophable I think he's reacting to the person I was in the depth of PND.

holynight Tue 31-May-05 14:20:11

Toothache-have just your thread and really relate to you not wanting to take medication to make your dh's life easier.
I totally agree.
In my situation i have people from all angles trying to push medication on me when i know have been there done that and don't want to go backwards.
Like you say others have to be responsible for their actions toward us and contributing to the way we feel.It,s not a one way street.
I too have panic attacks and feel like a freak as you say,and everyone seems to think the answer is to see a doctor and everything will be ok
It's a lot of pressure for anyone to be under to be under to be made to feel you are the only one with this problem and it feels very isolating.
Why don't the doctor's HV etc look at the wider picture?

I hope you start to feel better soon and you get the support you need.

Toothache Tue 31-May-05 14:22:08

holynight - Thanks very much, its nice to hear from someone in my position.

MarsLady Tue 31-May-05 16:58:26

hi toothy, how you doing?

Prettybird Tue 31-May-05 17:09:53

Is part of your dh's problem the male thing of wanting to do something? He sees a problem, thinks you are asking for a solution, thinks he knows what it is (medication) and then is frustrated that you are not following his advice when you had "asked" for it - hence him pressurising you.

What he doesn't undertand is that you just need sympathy, not solutions. He needs to cuddle you, support you, listen to you rant and let of steam, make soothing suggestions - and even if he does make some suggestions as part of the conversation, not get upset if you don't follow them.

What is it you are waiting form him? is it jusdt to be a sounding board to vent your frustrations? Tell him thatis what you want. Tell him that you are not expecting him to come up with solutions - that they way he can help you best at the moment is just to listen and to comfort you. Make him feel as if he has a role in that - pander to the male ego requirement of "doing" something.

Toothache Fri 03-Jun-05 09:22:00

HI all, feeling a bit better, although I'm like a time bomb waiting to go off. So many problems are buzzing about in my head that I'm on a high (like delirious almost!). I can't concentrate on anything much, except MN of course.

Hopefully this weekend will be better.

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