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Where do I turn / Where do I start anger issues, depression, anxiety. counselling?

(16 Posts)
sadandstressed Fri 28-Aug-09 06:12:59

Changed name as want to be annon (friends know nickname)

have 2 lovely kids 3 & 8, seem to spend my whole time shouting at them and my temper seems to be escalating,

I seem to spend my time thinking negatively, crying or shouting.

I have been on ad's before and they have worked brill, but fed up of coming off them and months and even sometimes years later "it" returns, no point in going to doctors as I know they reach for the happy pills. I have had cbt which helped with my health anxiety. I know I have a lot of issues with anger, parents control and have been put off seeing a counseller at the doctors as you only get 6 sessions and my sister has seen her and wasn't impressed. So I was thinking about a private counseller. Just wanted advice from people who perhaps have seen one, did it help? or any advice would be great.

TooTtheIndescribableLump Fri 28-Aug-09 06:35:59

No amazing advice but didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Are there other areas of your life that are causing you stress currently?

Seeing a counsellor sounds like a good idea.

Don't forget to breathe when you are stressed...in through the nose, out through the mouth...nice and slow. Try to focus on it. It helps me.

Take care.

shawthing Fri 28-Aug-09 07:08:23

To sadandstressed,
I know how you feel. I have two gorgeous little boys who are adorable and cute beyond belief. But my fuse is so short because I'm always so damn exhausted that I snap at the slightest thing. Sometimes I find myself shouting, and crying and almost screaming. The boys don't know what's going on.

My only tips would be these (other than going to see a counsellor, which I'm sure would be a good idea if you think there are deeper things going on that pure stress and exhaustion):

- have you tried Kalms (or similar)? Natural calming remedy you can get from chemists?

- have you tried Rescue Remedy? Good for calming you down when you suddenly find things getting on top of you.

- do you have a partner? If so, are they supportive? If so, try dropping some of the everyday non child-related tasks for a while (e.g. cooking, cleaning). I find I'm much worse when I'm busy trying to cook, tidy, organise and the boys are playing in their normal way but because I'm hassled I feel that they're being really naughty and disruptive and I get angry. If you cook dinners, for example, just declare at the beginning of the week that meals are going to be far from exciting and cook up a batch of bolgnese, vegetable soup etc at the weekend and use throughout the week

- actively stop doing something like housework and sit with your children and do something they'll enjoy doing. Sometimes I just need to focus on my boys to remember that they're my beautiful children, not some loud, noisy, disruptive monsters who do nothing but wind me up.

It's a horrible situation to be in, I know. And a lot of the time I'm sure it's not as easy to solve as the pointers above might suggest. But I keep hoping that things might get better if I deal with the small things.

Good luck.

poshtottie Fri 28-Aug-09 07:15:27

www.bacp.co.uk

Are you getting any time for yourself? I often go for a massage or to yoga which help me.

sb9 Fri 28-Aug-09 12:36:30

Is there something going on from childhood? You say your sister went....
If there are deeper feelings then you may be similar to me. I am seeing a psychodynamic counsellor at the moment...

deaddei Fri 28-Aug-09 12:40:14

Again, no amazing advice, but a big hug to you.
i have been there, and it's horrible.
I'm thinking of some counselling, or hypnotherapy.
Give yourself some nice treats, even if it's only a long bath with gorgeous smellies.

sadandstressed Fri 28-Aug-09 14:15:25

Many thanks for all your replies.

I think the problem is I have too much time on my hands for thinking,I am a sahm and my mum has my kids overnight usually once every fortnight, I have a very supportive dh, and this makes me feel guilty worse that despite having 2 good kids and a supportive dh I still end up feeling like this.

growing up I can not recall a single time when I was either cuddled, praised by either of my parents, both of them had similar parents, but because of this I make sure I tell my kids dh several times a day how much I love them, what makes matters worse is that for some reason my mum tells my kids all the time she loves them (and this makes me jealous, how mad is that being jealous of my own kids!!!!!!!!!!!) I have said it to her a few times over the years and have had a response of ditto, etc without it actually being said.

I was treated the same as my sister, but she was in an abusive relationship thats what her counselling was for.

My dh works 10+ hours a day working and travelling to work, but can honestly say he probably does more housework than I do, how mad is that its a vicious circle the mess depresses me but the task is too much for me to get my head round doing.

My dh is supportive 95% of the time and now and again gets frustated which is understandable.

i so much want to be a happier person, a better wife and mother, just need the right direction and support.

BintOfBohemia Fri 28-Aug-09 14:21:43

Wow, you sound just like me!

Just marking my place because I have to run, but will come back to this thread later.

sadandstressed Fri 28-Aug-09 15:30:58

Think what scares me most is I am turning into my mum who is over critical at everything.

My poor son pulled a leaf off a low bush and I am lecturing him on the fact a dog might of wee'd on it and then he will touch his face etc etc etc.

My mum makes me feel like a failure at everything, for some reason she is a great nan but when it comes to being a mother lacks a lot. eg if I take kids for sleepover and forget a pair of socks she will call me and say you forgot x's sock and make it into a real issue whereas I would think oops and put on the old pair, 1 day wont hurt.

deaddei Fri 28-Aug-09 15:51:09

My mum was rubbish too- I overheard her when I was 15 tell the next door neighbour how plain I was and I would never get married.
It doesn't matter how great dh is etc...if you are depressed, it doesn't matter if you have the best lifestyle in the world.
My health visitor told me that women like me (ie nice house, dh supportive, etc) have no business getting depressed...wtf.
So chin up girl,you need to find someone good to talk to and help you get through this.

BintOfBohemia Fri 28-Aug-09 16:08:44

deaddei - that is awful. The sort of thing that stays with you for life.

As part of this course am doing you have to write down all the negative things your parents told you about yourself, and challenge them. Decide if you think they are true.

Odds are it's all total bollocks and you can let it go and re-programme.

BintOfBohemia Fri 28-Aug-09 16:13:25

OP - meant to say, am on ADs and recently saw a mental health worker to discuss starting CBT. He recommended I take a vitamin B complex, do some self help courses and go to meditation classes at the local Buddhist centre.

weegiemum Fri 28-Aug-09 16:19:51

I'm long-term depressed - in fact, I might not be able to come off the tablets at all again. But I think that looking at is as a physical illness is a good idea. I have a diabetic brother, and no-one would try to persuade him to "come off" his insulin! I look at it (now! after a loooong time resisting this) that just like his digestive chemicals don't work properly, so my brain chemicals don't work properly. And I need a bit of help with that.

At the last psychiatric appointment I had I was also told about the BVit complex and have started taking it, and I think that is making a difference.

It is a bit awful though isn't it?

Marjie3 Fri 28-Aug-09 20:36:36

I saw a fantastic counseller called in the Exeter area (not sure if this helps)let me know if you want her details.

Marjie3 Fri 28-Aug-09 20:41:15

I saw a fantastic counseller called in the Exeter area (not sure if this helps)let me know if you want her details. My problem roted back to the relationshipi had with my mother.. Apparantly a very difficult relationship, and is rarely good. Serenity cream to sort the hormones is a must also when feeling depressed/anxious

sadandstressed Sat 29-Aug-09 18:28:37

Thanks again for people taking the time to respond, always makes me feel better people taking the time to put something down.

Managed a good sleep lastg night and feel so much better, but I am sure thats because I have decide I want to change.

Had a good talk to dh who happy for me to go an find the money to do so.

I have emailed a few and waiting for the reply.

Any idea's of rough cost I wouldn't have a clue.

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