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Please help me to help my mum

(2 Posts)
bez Mon 30-May-05 12:31:35

Although I admit its more for my sake and my sons sake that I want to help her, not for her own. She has a long history of mental health problems, physical health problems and a personality disorder.

She keeps on and on about her problems, most of which she brings in heself. I dont live that near her, I have a toddler to look after, I recently beacme a single mum and I don't drive so I can't do much to help her. all I can do is talk to her on the phone, and she just moans that her children wont do anything to help.

Wehn I was living nearby, I used to lend her money, invite her round, cook asnd clean for her, listen to her problems, find her unconscious after her suicide attempts etc. And I never used to mine. In fact, no matter how many of my own problems I had, I was always happy to go out of my way to help everyone else.

Now I am ashamed to say, I have become selfish and only want to help her to stop her moaning all the time. I would love to just break away completely, change my phne number etc. I am crying as I type this as I feel so guilty but I cant help it. Im starting to feel suicidal myself and cant enjoy my loveley son or anything.

She has a lot of physical health problems but is waiting to see a specialist, shes in constant pain but has damaged her liver so much from her overdoses she cant take painkillers. She never sleeps, she cant cook or clean or look aftreher animals, all I get is nobody wants to know me, I want to die.

The trouble is its really hard to help her because its hard to know what she needs as she keeps changingher mind about whats bothering her. One minute its my fault shes depressed as I live too far away, then its because she doesnt sleep, then its because shes physically unwell, then its because shes divorced, then its because her parents are dead, then its because shes got nobody to do her jobs. She has learning difficulties as well so cant even pay bills etc let alone do jobs around her house.

She has now been told she doesnt have a mental health problem so the mental health people cant help her. I strated invitin her over more, she said if she saw more of her family she would be happy but then she started moaning, thetravelling was too much. I suggested she go out and make friends, as loneliness semms to be a major factor but she wont go out on her own as shes too shy. If only I could do something, there doesnt seem to be any sort of sgency that has volunteers who could help shop, keep her compnay or if there was someone to accompnay her to some kind of group where she could meet people, if someone went wit her the first coup eof times maybe then she would be okay to go by herself.

Sorry this is so long, but I really need her to get help before I become suicidal myself. I know Im being selfish but I just cant cope with my mum anymore.

csa Mon 30-May-05 12:44:02

are you religious bez? just asking because a friend of mine's mum was rather depressed too but she found a new lease of life when she joined her local church community. before that she wasn't at all religious but after being dragged to church by an acquaintance, she is so much more happier. of course now everyone has to listen to her go on and on about the miracles of the church but it is a whole lot better than before. think she is happier now because she is part of a group and has found somewhere where she believes she belongs.

hope it gets better for you soon.

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