My lovely grandma lives several hours away from us in a nursing home and has very very advanced senile demetia (no recognition, no speech, loud shreiking and shouting only,)
I will be visiting the area where she lives shortly with my DDs and it would feel very wrong to not visit her. However it won't be possible to visit unless I take the DDs with me. (I am travelling alone and know no-one in the area)
The DDs are 3.4 and 1.4. I have gone before when DD2 was a few months and slept through it in her car seat. Obviously this is different.
I think in my heart I'm worried that I can't let my children see her (and the other patients) as I'm not sure I could explain it well enough to DD1. But equally I can't imagine being in the area and not visiting my Grandma.
If it were me I would go & take the children. Even if you only spend a short time there i am sure you will be pleased to spend some time with your Grandma. It really won't harm your children, all people are different & I actually think it can only be a healthy thing to allow children to see people regardless of disabilty. As for how you can explain your grandmas behaviour, just be honest but appropriate for your dc age.
The only thing that would stop me taking the children would be if for any reason it would be harmful to your grandma.
anonandlikeit - I was answering herbietea. Thanks for your thoughts.
My only concern about the impact on my grandma would be if one of the children were upset (might upset her?) or if I had to abort the visit suddenly because of them - I might end up disrupting her for no reason IYSWIM - although TBH I doubt she'll register we're there.
The DDs have been present during the illnesses and death of 2 other great grandparents and I haven't had this anxiety. I can't explain why - Maybe because of the unpredictability of grandma - she yells and shrieks randomly etc.
I used to take my DC to see both my Grans who were in care homes, but with one Gran I had to stop at the point her dementia made her quite aggressive (verbally and , to some extent, physically).
I just felt that it would be too scary for my children to see her shouting and confused. She wouldn't have recognised any of us by that point either which would have confused DD who was old enough to have noticed.
In your shoes I'm not sure I'd take the children but I would phone and speak to the care home staff to gauge their opinion in case shes calmer and more receptive due to meds/change in her condition etc
My Gran has dementia she still lives at home my mum and grandpa care for her with support from social services. She no longer knows who her great grandchildren are. She can't remember her grandchildrens name (me, sis etc) but knows which daughter they belong to. I haven't taken my kids for a wee while now, it is upsetting when she asks who's this wee girl you have with you? my dd is 7 and she doesn't understand this. She always tells my dsd she looks just like me when I was her age
Its a very cruel condition. I can really sympathise with you