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Am I being a total b*tch to my friend..? :(

(4 Posts)
ErikaMaye Tue 11-Aug-09 23:01:09

A few weeks ago, my friend was practically begging to go to the Priory to get help recovering from her ED. The NHS have agreed funding for a certain number of weeks, think she went in last week.

But today she was texting asking if they could force her to stay there if she wasn't sectioned.

I'm really angry at her. I know I shouldn't be, but she's been allocated this funding, which not everyone gets, to go to a place which is fantastic, and which I would have killed to be admitted to. I feel like she's just throwing it away and giving up because its the easy option.

I know these places aren't nice - we met in a physc. unit - but that's where she needs to be right now, and I'm frustrated at her sudden change of track.

I feel like a total bitch I'm being supportive, and honest about the facts, but inside I'm fuming at her. Ugh Feel like such a horrible person.

Penthesileia Tue 11-Aug-09 23:26:10

I think it's natural to feel frustration that she's seeming to reject a treatment which you would have (or feel you would have) appreciated yourself. You are not a bitch to feel this.

It would be horribly bitchy, though, to berate her, though (I realise you're not doing this, btw). I don't have any first hand experience of it myself, but from what I do understand, EDs are so difficult to escape from: it's not really surprising, I suppose, that she's feeling fearful about receiving treatment for her ED, when it's been with her so long, and she can't imagine life without it, etc.

You can, I would think, encourage her to stay, remind her why she wanted to go in the first place, help her reason with herself. But if she doesn't want to stay, then nobody can make her.

I'm sorry that you've suffered too, btw.

You're not a horrible person: I bet part of the reason you're angry is because you'd like her to get better. That's not horrible.


ErikaMaye Tue 11-Aug-09 23:51:15

Thanks. x

I do so want her to get better, and I know how hard it is to recover from EDs. Which is partially why, I guess, I'm frustrated, as being where she is now will give her the best shot at getting better.

I've said to her that unless she's sectioned they can't force her, although I'm not sure how her age will affect things, as legally she's not an adult. But also that she should remember how desperate for help she was feeling a few weeks ago and that it would be a shame to miss this oppotunity.

She was doing SO well, and then recently lost a load of weight again, and I've watched her personality disappear with the pounds. Its so hard seeing her so miserable with everything, and I really thought that she'd find it easier there, even if it was just being away from evreything for a while. I know these places aren't holiday resorts but I really just want her to make the most of it.

Thank you. << breathes out >> I feel so nasty. I'm trying to be supportive and honest to her but just - ugh! I don't even know quite what I'm feeling

Penthesileia Wed 12-Aug-09 00:04:43

It sounds like you're being very supportive, and a good friend to her. And I bet she does listen to you: after all, you understand where she's coming from. She has to find her way to recovery in her own time, I suppose. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to escape from a disorder which is both mental and physical - no place to hide.

It's ok to feel frustration, regret, anger, lots of negative feelings, and to express them here, or in private. You'd be inhuman if you didn't.

Stop beating yourself up. You sound like a good friend, but one with her own problems and past as well. You have to remember that you've been through some tough times too.


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