Ooh yay. I'm back here.

[Flamesparrow]

I have come off the ADs.

I came off unintentionally (illness made me forget to take them, so ended up sort of weaning off gradually), and now it is too late to start up on them again as by the time they kick in, it will be time to come off so they are out of my system before the baby is born (clear as mud).

BUT... in the meantime it is back.

Yesterday morning I was all convinced I was fine without them. Then I went hysterical last night and haven't settled since.

I have spent the day hiding in bed or yelling at the DC. I was already upset about the state of the house, but now I am drowning in it.

I normally have my mum who is there for escape, help with DC etc but my gran is down this week, so my mum is busy.

I had 10 weeks of feeling sane. I got to "bloom". Why are other people allowed to do pregnancy without cracking up?

[Flamesparrow]

Just found myself getting out a bin bag to throw away all the dirty dishes. Only stopped because the bag split before I could start.

That can't be good can it?

Being falsely chirpy on threads doesn't seem to be tricking me into feeling it either.

[dizzymare]

You've got my sympathy flamesparrow

[PlumBumMum]

Flame come back and join us on the slatterns, although I we haven't got much done lately, but you can also have a wee moan there too!

[TAFKAtheUrbanDryad]

[Flamesparrow]

Thanks UD

DH came out of work to find me sat on the floor by the car sobbing

Slatterns feels like just rubbing it in that i'm not getting stuff done.

I haven't sent out any orders for 2 days, so tomorrow I have 16 to do.

DH is now home, making cups of tea and doing dishes. Trying to calm down enough to sort the lounge for visitors.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Flame - seriously it is like depressives united over there at the moment. We are all struggling for various reasons. I've been wearing my pjs for about 80% of the time this week - not good.
I'm going back to see my GP sooner than I was scheduled to because I'm just not coping.

Have a hug and some of the chocolate cake I'm stuffing into my face .

[Flamesparrow]

I did ok yesterday, and this morning I have already screamed at my children until my throat hurts and told them I hated them

how are they ever going to grow up happy hearing things like that?

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Oh Flame

If it's any consolation my Mum had episodes like this when we were small. She was never diagnosed with depression but looking back it is crystal clear that she was.
I had a really happy childhood and have a really good relationship with my Mum now, although it wasn't always that way. Your kids will be fine

Is there nothing your GP can do to help you?

[TrillianAstra]

I'm no use, and I'm working now so not even much use as distraction cos I@m not even here much.

But hugs anyway.

[Flamesparrow]

DS is climbing, eating sugar and sprinkling it across my lounge floor

Ali - Thank you for that

My mum told me last night to let her know if I needed to go over and have help this morning. Have called her and she now says she can't til after lunch. Being able to leave the house with them in a min was the one thing holding me together. Mum keeps telling me that my problem is tiredness. There is a very big difference between this and tiredness. She has been on ADs herself, how is it so hard to believe that I have AND??

They keep hurting each other. DD keeps doing this horrible high pitched squealing because he has hurt her. Nothing I do stops him.

Dr can't do anything. I came off the ADs too early, and now if I go back on them there won't be time for them to work before having to come off again for the baby.

[mustrunmore]

I can come help you for a few days, but I'd have to bring the boys

[Flamesparrow]

As much as I love the boys, I think the extra bodies in the house might send me more insane

Have done the maths. I have about 65 days left. (Oh sh*t for getting stuff sorted) 65 days of this is all I have to get through. That sounds doable doesn't it?

Only another 23 or so and the DC are back at school, so I have breaks from them and/or Boy help (weekends) for the other 40 odd.

Plus he has 11 days off between now and school starting (inc weekends), so that gives me just 12 days to deal with them.

My gran goes home in the next couple of days so my mum will be about more. I have plans for a few of the days already.... so really just a week of being alone with children.

I can do this.

[mustrunmore]

I know! Dont worry, I wasnt really gonna harrass you with them! I know you can do it, of course you can. Can I do anything to help long distance? . I just looked on the calendar, and the next time I could come without kids is 11th September

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Flame - that sounds better, break it up into chunks. You can do it

If you need some escapism, there is a new Robin Hobb out - Dragon Keeper.

My wool shorties came today - they are faaab!

[Flamesparrow]

Ooh is it out now????

Now I'm torn - I want it, but it will be a big horrible hardback like the fools ones I just finished re-reading. I found a Borders token the other day - wonder how much is on it

[pooter]

hang on a sec - i think your Doc might be seeing things in black and white RE: your baby - its perfectly possible to be on ADs throughout pregnancy and beyond, and many people breastfeed whilst on them. I was on ADs for the whole of my first pregnancy and am still on them 2.5yrs later, still BF and 13weeks pregnant with number 2. One of the doctors at the surgery said immediately - well you have to come off them - without knowing my history, but another increased my dose! I have done a lot of reading about it and am very happy (can you be very happy while depressed?? that i am doing the right thing for the whole family in staying on my ADs. Perhaps you could ask a different doctor?

[Flamesparrow]

This is my decision w/r the pills and baby.

So far this child has been pumped full of anti-emetics, antidepressants and codeine. I know from experience with the last 2 that the depression will vanish as soon as the baby is born and takes its demon hormones with it. I really don't want the ADs still in its system when it is born.

My original plan was to come off them gradually from about 34 weeks, but I had hideous flu and kept forgetting to take them, so ended up slowly coming off, then when I tried to start to increase again, the sickness kicked back in and I wasn't holding them down.

But, as much as I know it is what I want to do, I now have the crazy not coping part of me to deal with.

Talking on here helps soooo much. It sort of releases it all. I do end up sobbing all over my keyboard, but then I can face things more rationally again for a bit.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Let it out on here as much as you need to

Yes it is a horrid big hardback, but it has a nice shiny cover . I'm annoyed because I ordered it from Amazon, and DH lept on it when it arrived so he's reading it before me .

[Flamesparrow]

Cut his toes off

[beesonmummyshead]

are you in devon? i have a hideous 2 year old, but will come and tidy your house and entertain your kids (please don't have more than 2) whils you rest and read if that will help? i enjoy cleaning and having more than one chld to yell at might make me calmer, in a slightly hysterical way.

realise you have no idea who I am, and nor I you, but the offer is there

[Flamesparrow]

Oh aren't you lovely?!?

I'm in Bournemouth, but would happily move my mess to you

[beesonmummyshead]

bring your mess and i shall clean. my dd will screech and i shall shout, but isn't that part of being a mum?!

extra children shall help me keep my shouting and general grumpiness under control ( for a short while!)

[beesonmummyshead]

but if you cant come here, set a timer in one room and do 30 minutes of cleaning, ie wash dishes, put crap stuff into cupbaords (shoving and piling if necessary) and wipe surfaces.

then move onto next room. I clean a bit like a mad mary poppins. in that it shall all be done and hidden in less than 30 mins and then i shall relax. after an hour i give up, vow to keep those rooms tidy the next day so i can do the insane cleanerwoman the next night but in different rooms.

obviously don't do this every night or i would be, well, wierd (er).

[Flamesparrow]

That is our main issue - we have no cupboards in this house, so it always looks a mess as we have no storage to hide it.

I am slightly calmer. Friend on facebook has pointed out that the baby needs norks and nappies - both of which I have. Anything else is a bonus

[TrillianAstra]

As Granny Weatherwax says, babies are (apparently) simple. You put milk in one end and try to keep the other end as clean as possible.