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why don't I feel better, I have so much to be grateful for?

(15 Posts)
marialou Wed 25-May-05 21:14:03

Feeling so low, and I feel guilty because my life is so much better than it was but I'm still depressed, my partner tries so hard to make me happy and I must seem really ungrateful. Think there must be something wrong with my brain.

Lonelymum Wed 25-May-05 21:15:47

If you are depressed, it is likely to be a chemical imbalance in your brain and has nothing to do with how good your life appears to be. I know how you feel (often). Have you tried talking to anyone about what gets you down?

marialou Wed 25-May-05 21:22:13

I don't have any one to talk to. When I first got depressed, had counselling (only allowed 6 weeks through dr unless you pay for it) it seemed to work for a while but last year I got really low and wanted to die talked to doc who sent out Mental health crisis team they assessed me and said depression caused by my life circumstance, and that was it no contact since.
Went to dr today got to see counsellor again for six weeks but it won't help. I hate myself and nothing can change that

Lonelymum Wed 25-May-05 21:23:58

What makes you hate yourself? Or is that TMI?

Nemo1977 Wed 25-May-05 21:24:45

ml if u go to a local charity they will offer you counselling that isnt time limited, have a look through a phone book. Depression is overwhelming hun and it does make everything seem to be bleak but there are ways out. I dont know how old ur kids r but maybe contact hv as they can help or if not can refer you to someone who will. If you are feeling at crisis point then phone ur crisis team. Have u been on anti depressants?

marialou Wed 25-May-05 21:27:27

I have screwed up everything in my life and now although I have a very understanding partner who tries so hard to make me happy I am just waiting for the next thing to go wrong. I am crap at everything I do, I have no friends no contact with most of my family. I am a useless mum and pregnant again and bound to screw this up too

marialou Wed 25-May-05 21:30:37

Been on anti depressants they helped for a while but didn't want to take them while pregnant and doc wouldn't give them to me anyway.I can't stand my health visitor. My partners worried about the affect my depression is having on the baby.

Nemo1977 Wed 25-May-05 21:34:28

hun i was and still am in a similair situation. I suffered bad clincal depression and anxiety following having my son. I planned my suicide and took up self harming as a coping strategy. I have the most wonderful supportive husband who helped me through. I was constantly changed anti depressants etc but it was only when i managed to have my name put down for psychological therapy [sarted about 10wks ago] that i have managed to start pulling myself up. I am by no means out of the depression but that eternal hatred and bleakness of life seems to have lifted a little. This is 17mths after first being diagnosed wiht my depression and i will probably have a relpase when this baby is born in dec. By no means does it make u a bad mum, u are ill, just like if u broke ur leg u need help to fix it. please dont feel alone as you are not. You are probably not the problem but whatever has happened in your life has contributed to making u feel this way and to taking awayt your confidence and self esteem.
IF you want to talk feel free to email me

marialou Wed 25-May-05 21:38:54

It is all my fault I deserve everything that happens to me my eight year old daughter doesn't even want to know me. She went to live with her grandparents.

Nemo1977 Wed 25-May-05 21:43:35

hun please dont think like that.

marialou Wed 25-May-05 21:45:46

when I saw doctor this am she told me to talk to hv this pm at baby clinic. I couldn't go, couldn't face sitting in a waiting room full of people.

Nemo1977 Wed 25-May-05 21:49:55

hun unfortunately to get help thats what u need to do or tlak to ur midwife. When is baby due by the way?

marialou Wed 25-May-05 21:53:22

Baby due in August. I should be so happy with a new partner who does everything he can for me and my 4 year old and new baby, I should be able to put the past behind me and get on with my life. But I just wait for the next disaster

Nemo1977 Wed 25-May-05 21:56:46

it sounds like you need some cognitive behavioural therapy hun to try and change thought patterns

marialou Wed 25-May-05 22:00:29

Been feeling depressed for so long. I have tried to sort myself out but something always knocks me back down again. Depression started oct 2002

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