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Feeling v low and worried my DS is suffering

(8 Posts)
EmmyJo Mon 03-Aug-09 22:28:26

This is a bit of a long one and not sure I'm posting in the right place but feeling bit desperate - I've struggled with anxiety and depression since my teens and been in and out of therapy for years which usually keeps me on an even keel. Things have deteriorated since my son was born 15 months ago - I've had phases where I feel totally overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a Mum. My head goes really fuzzy and I feel as if everything around me is in chaos. On a really bad day I become very tearful and irritable in front of my son and every wail he makes seems unbearable. I cope by turning to my husband who is very supportive and by getting time out whenever I can. I've gone back into therapy but find it hard to make time for the meditation and contact with friends that used to be my lifeline - partly I think I am reluctant to admit to my friends (most of whom don't have kids or do and seem to be brilliant at it) how tough i'm finding motherhood. I work 3 days a week and although I've had terrible anxiety about leaving my DS at nursery the time at work seems to give me perspective and balance and alleviate the depression. In the last few weeks though I've hit a real low. My DS is becoming much more physically difficult to manage- biting, pulling my hair, scratching when he gets over excited; wanting constantly to be held and to hold my fingers when toddling (he is not yet walking and very frustrated as a result!); refusing to be put in his buggy by kicking and arching his back. He is also wailing with fury when he has to wait for food or for my attention. I know this is normal behaviour but often I end up giving in, in order to prevent myself losing it. I am worried that if I continue to feel so low it will affect his behaviour even more. I feel I could really benefit from some tips or strategies that might help me be consistent and firm with him while keeping him safe and secure. To feel I am losing control at such an early stage makes me wonder how I'll ever cope with him turning two and beyond! Also does anyone have experiences of managing depression and motherhood without ADs that might give me inspiration??

Mspontipine Mon 03-Aug-09 23:59:33

You've done the right thing posting on here and believe me there will soon be many people popping up to help you but couldn't leave you hanging.

You are not alone in many of these feelings. I'm about to dash off so I'm sorry I can't reply in full to you but all I can say is your son is at a particularly difficult age many many parents have gone through it and this phase will pass, believe me.

Claire2009 Tue 04-Aug-09 00:05:20

Go and speak with you're GP/HV about being referred for CBT (coginital behaviour therapy) it helps you deal with different situations that arise in parenthood, rather than counselling that helps you work out why you are suffering/struggling - which I found useless!

You're not alone, I have been where you are - twice! My Dd is now 3.5yo and Ds is 2.3yo, you will be ok!

FouxDuFaFa Tue 04-Aug-09 07:58:57

Hi EmmyJo, I completely understand where you're coming from.

As Mspontipine says, I think you just have to keep telling yourself it's a phase with your ds's behaviour. He's probably a bit young to start any 'behaviour management'. I like 1-2-3 Magic, but it says it's for 2 year olds and up. 'Firmness and consistency' - just keep repeating it to yourself grin. I know it's difficult.

Above all though, you really just have to stop being so hard on yourself don't worry about coping when he's two, just concentrate on the day to day.

I hope things improve for you

EmmyJo Tue 04-Aug-09 12:33:44

Thanks for responding - I feel a little bit better today and my DS is responding ok to me. FouxDoFaFa - the firmness and consistency thing helps but feels so difficult on a bad day. I'm half-managing it when I combine it with distraction as well. Claire2009 - will probably bite bullet and speak to GP. I can totally see why CBT would be good for parenting help. I just have lots of bad memories of turning to the NHS for mental health support in the past - endless assessments which feel like interrogations, and then ending up on a mammoth waiting lists for in my experience patronising counsellors but I know they are all different so worth a try definitely.

Mspontipine Tue 04-Aug-09 21:09:26

Have you tried your health visitor? Do you have a decent one? Opinions of them on here vary extremely but I had a fabulous one who came to visit me regularly to have a damn good chat and get good advice when I really needed it - ds was 3 and I was having a nightmare time of it - we'd just moved and it upset us both rather unexpectedly. She helped we survived grin

EmmyJo Wed 05-Aug-09 09:26:51

Thanks Ms Pontipine. I'm not sure how good the HVs are here on being supportive about this stuff but I will definitely give them a try. The last one I saw seemed nice and approachable so hopefully I can talk to her this week. Posting on here has really helped - knowing others have gone through difficulr patches and survived. I keep wondering if my DS is traumatised seeing me upset and handing him to Daddy everytime it gets too much. He goes very quiet when I leave the room upset and I feel like I'm harming him in some way. Anyway - I'm determined to get on top of it somehow.... Thanks again.

Mspontipine Wed 05-Aug-09 12:14:56

You know you're having difficulties and you're attempting to do something about it. That puts you way ahead of many mate.

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