Feel alone within my family, so painful

[sb9]

I have a sister and its a long story as to the details but she doesnt want my neice and nephew to have much to do with me anymore which really hurts.
My parents are divorced and i am suffering with real anger and depression issues which stem from family issues.

I just feel i cant talk to them though, i said to my dad i felt hurt over not seeing them and he just shrugged his shoulders and when i said to my mum ho painful it was she in turn said nothing.

They just dont seem to say anything yet when i have done 'something to upset my sister' they have thier say.

Just feel alone in my own family and hate it when people talk about theirs..

[Platesmasher]

have you upset your sister?
have you hurt her?
have you apologised?
does she know how you feel now and what problems you are having?

[sb9]

Its such a detailed story so v hard to write here.

Yes i upset her ( i didnt have her as my bridesmaid but this was because we had fallen out previously and as we werent that close i asked her daughter to be bridesmaid and not her and she said she wouldnt come to my wedding...)

I have apologised for things that have happened in the past but never had an apology for the past from her. There are so many things she has done which have hurt me that when we fell out finally it was becuase i blew up as i have kept my feelings in for so long i was just so upset.

She knows why i have been depressed and i have written her a letter, she has replied saying she doesnt agree with any of it.

She doesnt want to talk to me about any of it and just wants to see me 3 times a year.

[Platesmasher]

It's impossible to comment really as there is obviously alot of history there.

But if it really isn't reconcilable, is it possible for you to focus on you and your own family if you have a partner/kids?

[sb9]

I know thats why its hard to write...

I know i just cant seem to be able to do that as i feel so angry at my parents and her and so lonely as i want to be close to my family but just cant. I do love my own husband and kids but feel i want my extended family too.

[winnie09]

sb9, it is difficult to comment but you are obviously struggling with a difficult situation that doesn't look likely to change any time soon. My advice would be to seek counselling. You cannot change other peoples behaviour but you can change how you react to it.

Agree with platesmasher, look for the positives in your life and concentrate on that.

Perhaps see your GP if you are feeling depressed. But definately find a way of dealing with it which is removed from the situation and counselling is one avenue to consider,

good luck

[Platesmasher]

i agree that counselling sounds like a good avenue for you.

from what you've said it sounds unlikely that your parents can help you in the way that you need. probably not because they don't want to but for their own reasons/characters/past experiences just are unable.

great advice from winnie about learning to cope with the situation.

[winnie09]

sb9, how are you?

[sb9]

Hi,
Thanks for asking. I had conselling for 14 months and have gone back to a different person and had 3 sessions which have been good. I do agree you cant change other people and that people have their own problems which means they cant help the situation.

Just so hard as i love my family but so angrt with them. I love my sister but she just seems to twist everything that is said and is very god at playing the victim. I spent years just 'rising above it' and bottling up my feelings but since i have let them out its like i cant manage them and my family just cant seem to comprehend whats going on.

Its all down to a divorce my parents had when i was 12 and i obviously stored up my feelings and now its coming out they are like that was years ago! (although situations still happen now that cause me stress)

But the past does affect my present as it has shaped the way i think and feel. But yes hopefully counselling will help..

[sb9]

oh excuse bad typing!!!

[winnie09]

you need an outlet for your felings sb9. & perhaps it might be helpful to concentrate on the positives in your relationships with them. It is good that you are having counselling and it is going well. take care.