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Why am I like this?(5 Posts)
I'm feeling really low about myself at the moment. I just can't seem to get motivated to do anything, I procrastinate, and I seem always take a negative viewpoint on something rather than seeing a positive side. Basically I feel vaguely 'low' most of the time. I've tried AD's in the past but have never liked the way they make me feel.
I had my ds 4 1/2 years ago and started studying when he was about 18 months old, my course was supposed to be for 6 years and I've now taken a leave of absence after completing the first three years (I'm a SAHM & studied by correspondence). I found it really tough keeping up with it last year, my ds was sick quite a lot and in the end I could never find the motivation to do it. One of my problems is that I even find it hard to be diligent about the housework, I only seem to do what's necessary to keep the house tidy but I know I should be keeping the house cleaner than I do. Dh notices but is nice enough not to say anything most of the time, every now and again he just gets on and does it himself - which makes me feel worse. Now that my son is at pre-school 3 days a week, I know I should be doing a few more things with my time but struggle to find motivation. It doesn't help that my SIL is a 'superwoman', she paints, sews, keeps a perfectly clean house, entertains a lot, looks after 4 kids (and numerous pets) and is vice president of a community group, among other things. I just look at her and wish I could do half of what she does, and it makes me feel so useless.
I do manage to stay in touch with friends and I try to see them & talk to them regularly, which is great because I value their friendship, especially since dh goes away with his job quite regularly. But sometimes I even find it an effort to meet up with them... I just make myself do it. I also worry about what people think (thanks to my parents) and I know this isn't good, but I can't help it. This whole thing seems to reek of depression but I just think I've fallen into this way of thinking & being over the years, and I'm not sure how to get out of it. Thanks for listening & I just hope that I'm not alone in feeling this way.
Hi Nic04, sorry to hear you're feeling down. Surprise, surprise - I just know how you feel although I wouldn't presume exactly. I have dd (15mths), work part time (8am-4.30pm Mon-Thurs!) and run the house. I feel 'down' and trod upon a lot of the time. I know that part of it is my general disposition. I have thought about AD's but don't know if I'm classed as 'bad' enough to have them. I would fairly uncomfortable going to see the doctor and a bit of a let down to my dh/family etc. No words of wisdom from me I'm afraid; only to let you know you're not on your own!
Well I think it sounds like you have done pretty well, doing three years of a course with such a little one. You might feel like going back to that when he is in full time school. I think a lot of people find it hard to be motivated about housework. You know which bits have to be kept clean, like the kitchen and the bathroom, and apart from that I wouldn't worry too much. You can get away with a lot just be keeping it tidy. A bit of dust or murky windows never hurt anybody! Definitely don't compare yourself with your sister-in-law, or with anybody. You can never know for sure what's going on with other people. Things might not be quite as marvellous as they seem! Its definitely worth keeping up with your friends. You don't want to become isolated. Sorry if I'm rambling. Probably haven't helped much but sending you good wishes.
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