pnd not sure what to do now?

[bella89]

i'm pretty sure this is pnd, struggling to cope all the time and crying a lot, on a good day i think i'm alright but it doesn't take much to set me off again. Got a 22 mth old and 8 week old. really struggle when dd1 is naughty. went to baby clinic yesterday and health visitor could barely be bothered to speak to me becuase she was too busy, don't feel comfortable speaking to doctor. don't want anyone to know i'm struggling and that i'm not enjoying all this becuase i should be. any advise or experiences of how to cope with this?

[jenhden]

sorry its a long one!!

i know its hard but the HV and DR are the gatekeepers to the help you need.
I didn't go for similar reasons when i'd had my dd2 and as such am ashamed to say barely remember her first year i was in such an unhappy fog.
For some reason i copuld only talk about it when i felt better so when i had 3dd my husband forced me to go to the dr who was so lovely and responsive that i felt so guilty for not having been before and had wasted all that time with each other not to mention how many tears my dd1 saw.
i didn't like the idea of having Mental Health services as i had this impression of people who access them as being really "mad" but to be honest they didn't do that much - a supoort worker came to see me regularly so i could offload and whinge!

I was offered counselling which i thought would be a waste of time but has completley changed everything - for example - i didn't realise how much pressure i was putting on myself to be how all the other mums appeared - bright and breezy, well dressed, well mannered and well fed living in a spotless house with plenty of stimulating activities.
I realised that i am maternal rather than domestic, that i can't be nice to my kids whilst keeping a well run home and that and that all mums go to bed tired - cry, feel guilty about what they did or didn't do with their kids, feel lonely and useless at times.

Like me you have had children close togethor and it is hard work - the benefit will be when they are older and play (and fight) togethor! right now is the hardest time so please don't expect yourself to be bouncing through the day - expect a lot of coping, some managing and a few wonderful moments in the day rather than happy times all the time.

The health services can offer help in a lot of different ways - even home help or support workers to go out places. if you can't face the dr why not ring and ask for a phone counsultation - or write a letter and take it in so that you don't have to speak as such.
it will get better either way, but honestly they make it a quicker process.

[bella89]

Thanks so much for your answer, its made me feel better to know its not just me. also you are right, there are a lot of good moments i just can't see them when i'm having a bad day, and yes i am seeing other mums who make out that everything is brilliant for them & they are enjoying every minute and then i feel like i'm making a mess of things. I know things will get better as i already have an older dd and i know that it gets gradually better as they get older its just hard to see now. Thanks so much for your answer, its really helped.

[brettgirl2]

Rather than trying to talk to HV at the clinic ring them up and get them to come round.