Help with a work colleague

[laurielou]

I work with someone who due to marriage breakdown & loss of Grandmother had a breakdown about 10 years ago.

He took 12 months off work.

He returned to work, met a new lady (they've been together for about 9 years), & seemed to be doing well.

This all happened before I joined the company.

However he still has very "dark" moments.

I have now been promoted to manage him & while he is a lovely person & we get on very well I find him exhausting & exasperating.

I've been very lucky in my personal life not to have had to deal with mental health issues, & I don't really know how to deal with him.

The job is a pleasant job, very relaxed & laid back, yet he moans about EVERYTHING. He was looking forlornly out of the window the other day, someone asked him if he was OK & he said he just wanted to be out there, anywhere but in this office. I'm ashamed to say I snapped saying he should count himself lucky as my brother is redundant as from Friday & will have plenty of time to look out the window.

I love my job, & on a personal level like this person, but he's beginning to drag me down too.

Please don't judge me for sounding unsympathetic or unkind - its not intentional.

Any advice on how I can deal with him / my feelings?

[YommyMommy]

lol, sorry to laugh but aside from the depression or "dark moments", maybe he is just a born moaner???

Seriously though, don;t let him drag you down! Maybe your work could provide some positive life coaching for him???? Or a course for a couple of you to go on so that he isn;t getting singled out?

Try not to spend too much time around him and take his day to day moaning with a pinch of salt!

x x x

[Paranoid1stTimer]

I can totally understand that it is very frustrating and difficult for you being in this position. I know my partner gets completely exasperated with me (I suffer with chronic anxiety which people find impossible to understand) and he has to spend a LOT of time with me obviously.

How did he react when you said that? I know that sometimes I can just be really down and not count my blessings and have been told a good way to try and get things in perspective when a bout of anxiety/depression is creeping up is to make a mental list of all the good things in your life you must be thankful for.

Do try not to let him drag your mood down - this is very easy to say but it is hard when you are forced to be around someone who is negative all the time. Sorry this isn't really helpful but hopefully someone with some more constructive ideas than me will be able to help.

[laurielou]

Thank you both for your replies.

I've worked with him for a number of years now & it is difficult not to let it get to you - of course I know you are right.

I think he was a bit shocked that I lost my temper, & probably more than a bit arsey about it. But he is such a sweet nature that it didn't last & we are fine.

Its just every time he opens his mouth, its a moan.

Maybe I'll try to - calmly - ask him the good things he should be grateful for.

Thanks again for not judging me & throwing something hard at my head!!

[randomtask]

I work with someone like this but thankfully it's improved in the last month or so. Got to the point that I felt depressed myself and was getting migraines from the stress of it. DH once came in for a minute and said he felt depressed and she hadn't said anything! I have found ignoring works sometimes, walking away (to deliver mysterious messages etc) works better and sometimes a short 'I'm not really listening' answer works wonderfully. It's like toddler care-I respond to happy things, tend to 'not hear' negative things.

Incidentally, my sister suffers from depression with very good reason (and has in the past attempted suicide etc) so in most ways, I'm very sympathetic to depressed people. I'm just less sympathetic to negative people who don't want to change or who want to bring everyone else down with them. ( I do realise that makes me sound nasty )....

[laurielou]

Thanks random that's good advice. Maybe little & often will stop me losing my rag!

I don't have a toddler - currently TTC - so maybe it could be practice for that!

[randomtask]

It's excellent practice. It also works with teenagers and pretending not to hear what you don't want to deal with .

Good luck TTC!