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Feeling low

(7 Posts)
babyblues01 Tue 21-Jul-09 10:40:20

Hi there,

I am new to the site and new to pregnancy, I am 34 weeks pregnant with my first child. I have been wanting to have a baby for many years and at first I was excited and could not stop smiling. Now I don't have any energy, the littlest thing can start me off crying and with so much to do around the house to get ready I just can't be bothered.

I have always been prone to depression although have never done anything about it. but it seems to be the week after I finished work on maternity leave I feel like curling up and going to sleep forever. Sorry for waffling on but I am really scared that this will get worse once the baby is born and that I will not bond with it or love it like I should and I do not know what to do. If anyone has any advice I would be eternally greatfull.

xx

ErikaMaye Tue 21-Jul-09 13:00:36

Hey there

I'm 23 weeks with my first, and although mine wasn't planned, once I got over the shock I was just like you and grinning from ear to ear. But sometimes now it gets too much, so I can relate. Everyone else seems more excited than me sometimes!! I have Borderline Personality Disorder, too.

I really think you should talk to your midwife / OB / GP about how you've been feeling. Its not a failure to feel low, or to have these concerns, but accessing help would make you feel so much more comfortable with everything, even if it doesn't instantly cheer you up.

If you feel you need to curl up and cry sometimes, then do it! Put on a soppy film (my favourite is Beaches at the moment!) grab a box of tissues and a HUGE box of chocolates.

Do you have the support of a DP / DH? Or is there someone around you that you're close to, a friend or relative? Talking to someone nearby might help you, too. Saying it all aloud for the first time is difficult, but it really helps.

Don't feel ashamed about how you've been feeling - from what I've heard from other mothers and mothers-to-be, every one has emotions like you're struggling with right now. So its okay. Don't beat yourself up.

I really hope you feel better soon. If I can be of any help, please feel free to message me. x

babyblues01 Tue 21-Jul-09 13:55:06

Thank you for your advice, just knowing I am not the only one out there feeling like this (not that I would wish this on anybody else) makes me feel a little better.
I am trying to listen to happy music and just get on with something, as I have always been someone to listen to depressing music and just wallow, which does sometimes work but this time it feels different, I don't have the distraction of work to pull me out of it and i'm scared that I will just get worse.

I have an appoinment with midwife on Monday so will mention it then. My DP is trying to be sympathetic but I think it may be getting to much for him, he is worried I will be like this once the baby is born, so am I.

This is really the first time I will be admitting that I may have a problem which is quite scary, I've always brushed it under the carpet and tried to ignore it but now there are other people involved I know I cannot do that.

I hope all goes well with your preganancy I know this really is a special time and one that should be a positive experience x

ErikaMaye Tue 21-Jul-09 14:45:10

I know what you mean. I've found it so helpful having these boards, especially for when I'm feeling crappy. An album that I've found really helpful recently is "I Stand" by Indina Menzel - all the tunes are different but all touching, in a good way. It really lifts me up. I can also sympathise about not having a distraction - I'm physically disabled so I don't get out much, and struggle at times because I'm always around by myself. Have you tried getting a hobby to keep busy with during the day? I've been doing yoga and crocheting, and its really helped to keep busy.

That's a good idea, I hope your MW is supportive. Try talking to your DP about how you're feeling a little more, especially if you're both concerned about it, it might be helpful for both of you to get it out in the open if you're both struggling. I've been told there's a possibility that I could have a psychotic break after the birth, and its something that my DP is really worried about. After we talked about it a little more, although its still scary, we're a bit more comfortable with it.

I tried to do it for years, and it finally got to the point where I'd had several suicide attempts, self harming severely, and was landed in a physc. hospital for six months. Not to scare you, I hope I didn't. But since I've started being honest, and talking about it, its helped so much. Being pregnant has given me something to live for, without wanting to sound melodramatic.

Try making a list of your concerns, and the advantages of talking about it, for you and for your family.

Thank you And with yours. Don't worry if its not all positive - find me one woman who was happy all the way through her pregnancy!!! You're most definitely not alone.

domesticslattern Tue 21-Jul-09 15:25:30

Dear babyblues

You certainly aren't alone. It is not at all unusual to feel tired and sad at the end of your pregnancy. You will be riding a tide of all sorts of crazy hormones, plus the physical effort of supporting another person. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to slow down. There is even a special word we use on mumsnet for when you are emotional because of hormones and can't stop crying- hormotional! It isn't unusual at all.

Plan to talk with friends, one little treat a day, lots of lie-ins and DVDs and warm baths and pedicures if you can afford it. Treat yourself kindly. Gentle exercise, good food. Relax as much as you can. I found hypnotherapy CDs very helpful.

I think it does sound good to seek support from your MW. And also, if you can, try not to worry about life after the birth. You can't solve that now. An awful lot of changes will take place, including (yippee!) another crazy hormone surge. Even when women have post-natal depression - which you may or may not go on to have, it's impossible to predict!- they very often do bond with their babies and love them hugely, it is just that the mother needs taking care of too. smile And it is rubbish but it is not the end of the world- people do get through it.

Let us know how you get on. Rooting for you.

babyblues01 Wed 22-Jul-09 13:11:13

Thank you so much for all advice and kind words. Just coming on here has helped. I actually smiled last night when thinking about my baby, which I haven't done for a couple of weeks.

I'm just going to take each day as it comes and not worry about anything else, If I feel down one day it doesn't mean I will the next. I am sure there will be many more days when I just want to curl up and spend all day crying but will cope with that when it comes.

ErikaMaye Wed 22-Jul-09 16:10:23

Good for you I hope your positive mood stays in place for a little while. Are you eating healthily? It helps with your mood.

If you are having a rough time, make sure that you remember we're all around for you!

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