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Is this anxiety or do I just have too much time to think? Sorry, long.

(4 Posts)
HarryB Tue 21-Jul-09 08:51:23

I am currently on maternity leave and, as a result, have time on my hands to think and I probably do over-analyse. Anyone that regularly posts in Relationships might have seen my threads regarding my relationship - or non-relationship really - with the MiL, which is so bad that I can't bear to be in the same room as her for longer than 20 minutes. After much prodding from DH, I have let MiL baby sit DS once a week and DH and I go out for a few hours - this has worked well on all levels; I don't have to be insulted in my own house, DH and I get to spend some time together, and MiL gets some time with DS.

I digress but hopefully will make sense in a minute.

My boss is getting married in a couple of weeks and we have RSVP'd yes but as time draws closer, I am increasingly worried about the MiL looking after DS for a full day late into the evening and the fact that we wont just be half an hour away. What troubles me the most is that she will bath him and I am terrified that she might leave him on his own for a second and that will too late. She is a know-it-all been there done that type and isn't one to take kindly to reminders on childcare so I'm not sure how I could say "oh, be sure not to leave him in the bath on his own" without sounding like a twat and giving her further ammunition to think I'm a crap over-bearing mother. DH says that she isn't stupid and that he trusts her to care for DS, and I know that she is a fit as a fiddle 67 year old. Even still, the thoughts running through my head are ridiculous - what if she drops down dead whilst looking after DS and he's left on his own, what if she doesn't eat enough for lunch and she passes out through hunger (she is always on a diet) and DS is left on his own.

I go back to work part-time in a couple of months but will have a 2 hour commute so see this wedding as a test of how it will feel going back to work IYSWIM, in that I need to get into a habit of being away from DS for prolonged periods.

I have read some of the threads on anxiety here and feel a bit of a tit in comparison, but if it is genuinely the start of something worse, I want to try and put it right before it gets to the point where going back to work will be torture for more reasons than missing DS. I should also say that some nights I lay in bed worrying so much, I think I get chest pains because of it. I don't have much confidence since having DS as MiL and Sil kind of shot that to pieces with the comments about my parenting, but I am far from a wreck so not sure what is wrong or what to do.

If you have read this far, thank you.

HarryB Tue 21-Jul-09 09:05:26

Forgot to add that my DS is 6.5 months.

improvingslowly Tue 21-Jul-09 16:08:37

it sounds like a combination of them both.

why not make apt at doctors/counsellor/CBT person to have chance to talk thru the anxiety and work out ways of rationalising it. (it does seem a little unusual to be that worried about leaving child with MIL. is it the MiL bit that is worrying, or the leaving ds?)

YommyMommy Tue 21-Jul-09 16:25:53

Hi Harryb,

Firstly can I say sorry that u don't have a very supportive MIL or SIL! They don;t sound like very nice people!

I am on one of the anxiety threads and post quite often. I'm not sure you are suffering from anxiety, but do sound very anxious about leaving ds and the fact that you are getting yourself so worked up could lead to something more serious if it festers and festers! Maybe speak to your GP/HV about how you are feeling if you feel like its getting on top of you a little.

Who will be watching ds when you go back to work? The wedding will be a good tester for you, but don;t let it ruin the wedding for you! Go and have a good time, u need the time away when your a mum! Whatever gripe your MIL has with you I doubt she will let it get in the way of he relationship with with her grandson. I'm sure she loves him and will look after him as best she knows how, however he is your son so please don't be afraid of saying things to her. Why don;t you bath him in the morning that day and make up some excuses like he was grumpy this morning so I put him in a bath to calm him, so don;t bath him tonight again as its too much for his little skin! I am worried about my ability to make up lies so easily, lol! Your other worries about her fainting and the like do seem a little irrational (sp???)hmm, but your a mum so thats allowed! And don;t let anyone ever tell you you are a crap mum as you sound like a brilliant mum!

I hope this helps a little. Of you want to chat more I'll b around!

x x x

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