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I feel so so bad. Warning: graphic. Do not look if squeamish.

(187 Posts)
ABitWrong Fri 17-Jul-09 21:56:03

I am not doing very well atm and am struggling to contain self-destructive urges.
I want to cut my arms, my legs, my face, everything.
I want to empty the kettle over myself.
I want to smash my head and my limbs.
Anything, anything to stop me feeling so shit.

Does the fact that I am mostly resisting these urges mean that I am in fact okay? Isthis what okay is supposed to feel like?

And the suicidal thoughts keep creeping in. Thoughts of ODing, running in front of a bus, jumping out of a window.
They come so suddenly.
What if I can't resist?

skinupyacunt Fri 17-Jul-09 21:57:57

Call the Samaritans now. There will be a local crisis number you can call too. Please do call them

cornsillk Fri 17-Jul-09 21:59:23

You need to call the Samaritans right now. Please call them.

blissa Fri 17-Jul-09 22:00:45

No this isn't what okay feels like

Please talk to the Samaritans

Hassled Fri 17-Jul-09 22:02:45


HolyGuacamole Fri 17-Jul-09 22:04:20

Yep, Samaritans. Just do it.

You are resisting and yes, that is good. However, you must deal with these thoughts. Call them and do it now. You know it makes sense.

HERE, call them NOW!!!

Flgihtattendant Fri 17-Jul-09 22:04:34

The fact you have resisted is great. They are just thoughts and you don't have to do the things they suggest. But they would tend to indicate some unhappiness within yourself.

It needs addressing, once it is addressed they ought to go away.

Please talk to someone tonight - any helpline or the samaritans or someone who can make sure you are safe.

Flgihtattendant Fri 17-Jul-09 22:06:23

Also you may find they are worse when you have been drinking coffee, alcohol, etc etc/ any stimulant can cause panicky feelings like this.

You mustn't be frightened of the thoughts and I sense you are not, you know they are just thoughts, not real.

that is all good.

EachPeachPearMum Fri 17-Jul-09 22:10:23

Do you have a MHcrisis team?
Please call samaritans, or email them if talking isn't possible.

Are you on any medication at present?

dollius Fri 17-Jul-09 22:13:06

If you go to A&E, they can call in a community crisis team immediately.

These feelings are not normal. They are not your fault. You are ill. Please call the Samaritans or get to casualty and say you are suicidal.

EachPeachPearMum Fri 17-Jul-09 22:15:04

Is there anyone to be with your children?

ABitWrong Fri 17-Jul-09 22:17:20

I can't phone. Will email.

No, no crisis team. Have been referred to CMHT but not been told what to do in emergency.

Not on medication.

Thank you.

watsthestory Fri 17-Jul-09 22:17:20

Message withdrawn

ABitWrong Fri 17-Jul-09 22:18:15

I am here. Not just me. But I have to pretend to be normal.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Fri 17-Jul-09 22:18:48

Yes don't bother going through the samaritans. I fyou can get to A&E they will get you a psychiatric referal. These are not normal feeling that you are having although lots of people do feel like this at times. Please get help.

EachPeachPearMum Fri 17-Jul-09 22:33:13

Do you have anyone you can talk to when it gets bad?
How long has it been like this? It is hard to live with on a long term basis- how long will it be until CMHT (community os that?) appointment?

ABitWrong Fri 17-Jul-09 22:38:37

I am worried that I will piss people off becauseI haven't been really okay for a while. It must get tedious to hear about.

Next appointment September. I have been assessed twice and referred on.

Maninadirndl Fri 17-Jul-09 22:42:45

Fact that you came on here is a good sign babe.

Loads of lovely ladies here to talkyou down but I reckon you need a doc most of all. We all get the blues (and sometimes very badly) so you're not alone.

Listen to the sweet ladies here who can help you more than me, and take care.

EachPeachPearMum Fri 17-Jul-09 22:48:24

september is ridiculous! MH care is a disgrace tbh- so under-funded, and yet 1 in 4 will have need of support or treatment at some point [grr]

Friends don't get pissed off because you need help or a shoulder to cry on- thats what they're there for.

HolyGuacamole Fri 17-Jul-09 22:51:54

Yep, that is what friends are for, to listen and help if you need it. Listen, it is great that you posted on here. There is no reason to suffer in silence and we're not having that ok?!!

What do you want to do? Do you want to talk it out?

ABitWrong Fri 17-Jul-09 22:52:07

september because I can't do anything over the summer without saying where I am going

ABitWrong Fri 17-Jul-09 22:53:00

i dunno

EachPeachPearMum Fri 17-Jul-09 22:55:39

You know, you have friends all over- even ones that you don't know about. <pointed stare> Lots of people on here care about you.

HolyGuacamole Fri 17-Jul-09 22:59:04

Each peach is right y'know.

ABitWrong Fri 17-Jul-09 23:06:38

well I recognise you eachpeach, but I am wearing a different hat

this week has been one of thehardest ever, and it is still going on

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