I feel really tired, really tired. I'm ok -- have come of seroxat recently and am plugging on with CBT, no real crisis but I feel really lonely. Am getting up at 5am every morning to get a head start on paid work; then all the drudgery of family stuff.
DH and I more or less not talking and don't know at all how to move on.
I have this huge work deadline that requires me to think properly and be sharp, but my head is just spinning.
All just ordinary crap but I feel worn out totally. Not sure what I want from posting, but I don't talk to anyone in rl.
I should prob take a couple of days off from the 5am start -- would probably work better if I did. Was aiming to finish a work project as the school hols started, but the work and the hol will overlap now and I don't know how to manage that. Am dreading children being around. All the guilt about having to give them some ideal summer full of cherished memories. I just want to be on my own.
Getting a cleaner seems so hard to plan and arrange, and DH would't like it, and I don't really earn enough to go for it. That is typical of a depressed person, isn't it -- to throw back all useful suggestions with lots of winging about how I wouldn't be able to manage it.
This is horrible self-indulgent moaning, I know, I know. Of course I usually try to stfu with all the negative stuff, but it just sits there on your shoulder doesn't it. Perhaps it is better not to give it voice.
A bit weepy, which is bad bcs my aunt and uncle are coming here this evening so I need to be able to keep up a face.
It is only DS2 and me at home for most of this week -- DH away for a couple of days and DS1 on a school trip. DS2 is very credulous about the capacity of hayfever to give me red and watery eyes at random intervals, but aunt and uncle probably less so.
My aunt is really a lovely person -- but it is when you are with kind people that the tears leak out, isn't it. Ah well.