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Is it possible to be in a reasonably positive mood and still have pnd

(13 Posts)
Reallytired Wed 08-Jul-09 22:49:44

My hv has been seeing me to watch my mood because I had a bit of a high score on the Edinburgh postnatal depression scale. However she says that I don't appear depressed.

The problem I getting is suicidal thoughts when I have absolutely no reason to have suicidal thoughts. Its daft. I can be doing something really mundane like peeling potatoes or putting out washing and then I get a suicidal thought.

windswept Wed 08-Jul-09 22:59:30

How old is your baby? i too get suicidal thoughts although mine is def not pnd as my kids are older now. What I have realised is that thoughts alone cannot hurt us but we must never let a thought turn into an action.

Did you tell your hv that you have these thoughts. I told my doctor last week and he wwants me to go for counselling, which I keep changing my mind about. I dont know much about pnd but i think our minds can be turned upside down at the arrival of a new baby. x

Reallytired Wed 08-Jul-09 23:06:43

My daughter is 12 weeks old and I have had PND before. I am very scared because last time I had it really badly. (Ie. for some daft reason I decided to stop eating.) Part of the problem was that previously I tried to ignore it and stuck my head in the sand and hoped it would go away.

I'm getting suicidal thoughts about 10 times a day. Although they are only thoughts. I am not planning anything.

ErikaMaye Wed 08-Jul-09 23:07:41

The fact that you're having good moods as well as these thoughts is quite typical. I know what you mean about having the thoughts just out of the blue - its probably the part I find most scary about my mental state. Try and talk to either your HV or your GP about these thoughts.

Windswept - I'd suggest giving the counselling a try. If you decided after a few sessions its not for you, but its so hard to get allocated the treatment in the first place, its worth trying if you've got the oppotunity.

windswept Wed 08-Jul-09 23:26:25

REALLYTIRED - Ooh your baby is so young, glad to hear like me your not planning to hurt yourself, it is distressing though isnt it that we have these thought anyway isnt it. I heard that when you have pnd or depression that there are chemical imbalances that is maybe a the reason for such random rotten thoughts. x

Erikmaye, i feel by going back down the road of seeking help i have failed again and i vowed after i got better last time i wouldnt go back. i see it as a failing in me if i start going back to see counsellors who pull and analyse every bit of me. It makes me feel so exposed. What kind of mental health issues do you have. ? I do know that I am very priviledged to be able to access help quickly.

ErikaMaye Wed 08-Jul-09 23:39:47

Windswept - I totally understand what you mean about it feeling like a failure. I felt like that for so very long, and it was only actually having three sessions a week for maybe six months that got me to a place mentally where I felt comfortable enough in myself and in my condition not to feel ashamed or failed. I have Borderline Personaility Disorder, and through that have suffered at times with anorexia, bulmia, anxiety, depression and physcosis. Its a very nasty condition, as it encompasses so many different aspects! I've self harmed for half my life, though since falling pregnant have only hurt myself twice, which is a huge achievement.

I remember when I first went back into therapy - I'd had a few months break because I'd decided I was okay, and I really really was not. I felt so angry at myself - I couldn't look at myself in the mirror; it was as if there was a neon sign screaming "FAILURE" behind my head. But I'm so glad I did now.

Have you thought about looking into something such as OT or CBT instead, if you're not comfortable with councelling itself?

Reallytired Thu 09-Jul-09 00:09:22

I am quite interested in computerised CBT

Last time I was referred to a postnatal depression support group which was a total utter disaster. At the time I was trying to starve myself to death and I needed a lot more help. Also it was impossible to talk about the topics I wanted to without upsetting the rest of the group.

I like the idea of a computer as it doesn't involve interacting with a human being. I don't have to care about anyone's feelings.

windswept Thu 09-Jul-09 09:53:12

erikamaye and really tired thanks for your messages last night, i will post later just going to work. love to everyone x

ErikaMaye Thu 09-Jul-09 22:59:06

How are you both feeling today?

Reallytired Fri 10-Jul-09 10:08:26

Thanks ErikaMaye for your replies.

I'm not feeling too bad today. I think what is worst for me is knowing how bad things can get. I am anxious about getting anxious. Seven years ago my health got really bad and the support I had was woefully inadequate.

In someways things are better this time because I know things well get better.

ErikaMaye Fri 10-Jul-09 11:01:53

I know what you mean - I often manage to build myself up into a panic attack, because I'm worried about having a panic attack.

Just remember that you've got yourself this far from that time, so you can do it, even if it isn't pleasent.

windswept Fri 10-Jul-09 12:52:47

Hi girls, sorry not posted i am about to fly to spain after a nightmare week not having the keys to the apartment as my mum law has them and she fell out with us. I lost my dd passport and didnt find it 12 midnight last night. but all four of us are going dh dd ds and me, and we really need it. I have taken a small diazapan to calm me down. say a prayer i will be o.k.

We have made friends with mum in law she is ex head mistress, and I want to start living again and being happy.

Bliss this will hopefully all over for you soon please try not to worry. I will be back on friday so will post again. wish me luck Im terrified of flying.

Erikamaye i now how awful it is to get panicky take a deep breath. and remember it passes eventually. love to everyone else xxxx

ErikaMaye Fri 10-Jul-09 16:19:46

Oh you poor thing that sounds crazy, and really not what you need right now!! Glad its resovolved. (And am incredably envy of Diazapan... Damn pregnancy lol!)

Big hugs hun, have a totally amazing time, you've earned it!!! Send us all postcards wink

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