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Can somebody please help me, i'm going mad

(16 Posts)
imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Wed 08-Jul-09 10:02:31

I have health anxiety - I am sitting here waiting for the results of a blood test. I dont want to talk about it, i can't. The doctor has has said that she will surprised if it is positive, and im sure she said that whatever the results mean, a positive doesn't indicate something life threatening. BUT she hasn't told me what it might be - she knows i'll google i guess. It must be bad mustn't it?

I have image of me phoning up and the results not being in yet. I have images of her phoning and telling me bad news and that at that point my life will end. That everything will crumble.

My mum wants me to take her dog to the vets, but it is right about the time the doc will phone. I cannot stand the thought of rning up and being told to make an appointment by the receptionist as this will mean its really bad.

My DD is only 4, she needs me for school, she needs me to be there when she is an awkward teenager but when i look to the future, i just see a lonely little girl with no mummy, who eventually will forget me. That coupled with all the shit she might have to see me go through will fuck her up - it makes me want to run away.

Would the doc just tell me it wasn't life threatening but a major hassle, if that wasn't true, just to get me through the week?

Please help, i can't do this anymore

TrinityRhino Wed 08-Jul-09 10:05:52

ok breathe
why did the doctor tell you to give blood for testing?

what did you go to the doctor for in the first place

calm down and breathe through the panic
breathe slowly in through your nose and blow slowly out through your mouth

amisuchabadmummy Wed 08-Jul-09 10:07:33

Focus on the positive for the moment.

NOT life threatening. She has said that. Doctors are not allowed to lie.

she will be surprised if its positive. So its unlikely there is anything wrong at all.

Do you want to phone the doctors now and explain how anxious you are and see if you can get the results?

TrinityRhino Wed 08-Jul-09 10:08:00

are you ok?

keep breathing


{recovering emetophobe and panic disoder sufferer)

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Wed 08-Jul-09 10:08:08

i can't say trinity, sorry - its too much for me, you would laugh i guess, but it might mak someone say something scary

muffle Wed 08-Jul-09 10:10:22

Oh you poor thing. I'm exactly the same. If it's any reassurance I've had several health scares eg dodgy mole, breast lumps etc and had them checked and they were OK - and have had similar reassurance from docs - "It's probably nothing, and even if it is there is a lot of good treatment and a good success rate" - and they are right. I do think they generaly tell you the truth although they may not tell you everything they could , IYSWIM, so as not to worry you.

Conversely my DP had a very, very severe headache one time and they were worried. He was in hospital and having brain scans within the day. That was also fine as it turned out, but I saw what worried doctors look like and you could definitely tell the difference.

The vast, vast likelihood is that you will be there for your DD and you will look back on this and it will be a tiny blip.

I have had CBT for my anxiety and I'd recommend it. One tip is that when you start worrying, breathe deeply and slowly, and start focusing on right now - what can you see, hear, feel, smell right now. This is your real life - not all your imaginings. Make yourself do this every time you catch yourself running away with worry. It really does help to break the habit.

TrinityRhino Wed 08-Jul-09 10:41:36

its ok I understand
when did they tell you to ring?

muddleduck Wed 08-Jul-09 10:43:50

Can you ring up and ask to make an appointment to discuss your results in person rather than on the phone?

And take someone with you if at all possible.

You need to make sure you have time to get as much info as you need.

TrinityRhino Wed 08-Jul-09 10:46:00

are you near me (dumfries)
I would come and hold your hand if you were

I would phone for you or take you to the docs

I know anxiety and panic well

TrinityRhino Wed 08-Jul-09 11:17:41

are you ok?
talk to us

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Wed 08-Jul-09 11:31:09

Sorry, i had to do something for DP, he is home today, not sure its a good thing. The thing is, she told me she would only phone me if there was a problem and would leave a message with the receptionist if all was well. I daren't allow myself to think its ok in case it goes wrong - does that make any sense.

Trinity, thankyou so much, i coudlnt be much further away if i tried, im in the south of england

Feeling a tad less panicked now as had to do admin stuff for DP. He is going out shortly, that is when i might fall to bits.

My mum is ill now - oh god, i can't do this.

muddleduck Wed 08-Jul-09 11:34:28

There is no reason that you can't ring up and ask for an appointment to talk about it. It seems clear to me that you need more info about the implications of whatever result you get. Of course they would prefer to get you to speak to a receptionist but you have a right to see your GP if you are worried about your health.

Get your DP to phone them now!

also surely it is a good sign that your gp is being so laid back about this?

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Wed 08-Jul-09 12:16:14

The doctor just phoned, the blood test was normal - i don't need to do any more. I thought i would feel relieved, but i think that i have got myself so worked up it needs a while to get out of my system. She has made a psychiatric refferal and wants me to have CBT alongside the counselling that i am already having.

Has anyone here ever truly got over anxiety - its paralysing me. I haven't worked since i finished my PhD, my DD is starting school in september, we are financially crippled, i just want to get better and help support my family, but i have no confidence.

muddleduck Wed 08-Jul-09 12:20:23

Great news about the test and about getting the referral.

Is there any sort of work that you can think of that doesn't make you panic?
What was your PhD in?

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Wed 08-Jul-09 12:24:49

biochemistry and genetics, not great for a hypochondriac i can tell you!

muffle Wed 08-Jul-09 12:30:51

My anxiety is better than it used to be, after having CBT (just four sessions). I have to say it does still come and go, but I feel I can deal with it better. It is one of the most effective things you can try so do pursue it if you can.

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