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Don't want to volunteer anymore but passing up an oppotunity ..

(18 Posts)
Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 17:09:09

Long story shortened :

i volunteered at DSs playgroup to try and be more social and confident.

It was 'OK' sometimes, felt I was doing well, good with the kids.

1 worker there knocked my confidence a bi, but was ok with it,

But I found myself not wanting to go, i was ill one day so didn't, had some bad news another so cancelled ...

I just feel like its too much or me at the moment but lso feel like im bing a lazy cow not going ( but its mostly anxiety)

they wanted me to do NVQ 2 & 3 too and my family / parents were really pleased, but I don't think I can do it.

And now it'll be 'one more thing Dis has started and not finished/ fropped out of'

I just cannot do things like normal people.

My Aunt had a party last night and I sobbed before hand because I had to go and would be metting people i hadnot seen for years / new people. enjoyed it though, mostly, had a few wibbles.

im such an odd ball

dizzymare Sun 05-Jul-09 17:14:27

I could have written that, and you're most definitely not an oddball, you've got social anxietys. Funnily enough, there's probably loads of people who've got this but just don't say it out loud. I think cutting yourself some slack, and getting back on your feet before you add anything else to your life is far more important right now smile

Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 17:19:21

Thats what i was trying to do by volunteering, get back on my feet, but it just did not work out that way.

Its made me feel worse as I have failed at it.

I went to a maths course (to help teach your kids) i was dead brave and talked to people in my group but was asked not to return as i had a maths GCSE

Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 17:21:26

I also did an art oe, but (and i dont mean this to sound big headed, really) no one could draw at all, and i got A* GCSE in art am its one of the only things I can do and the teacher kept picking me out, showing my drawings and it made me so embaressed and upset i stopped going.

moffat Sun 05-Jul-09 17:23:16

Oh I'm exactly like this. I also volunteer at dss' school and am always anxious the day before and thinking of reasons not to go, but always feel happier if I actually go and do it, even though it can sometimes be quite boring.

I think you should go for the NVQ, it will really give you a boost.

Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 17:47:36

Its not giving me a boost though, i just feel crap.

Lulumama Sun 05-Jul-09 17:53:44

are you having any counselling and / or meds?

without some decent support helping you back on your feet, you are going to be stuck in this negative cycle

also, hard as it is, you do have to drag yourself out there , whihc is far, far harder than hiding at home, but you really have to be strong

Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 17:55:22

No lulu, no meds. Not something I want to do,

Lulumama Sun 05-Jul-09 17:57:50

why? do you prefer feeling like this? crying, unabnle to socialise, trapped in a cycle of negativity.

i;ve been there and done it

sometimes you need some medication

if you were ill with anything else, you;d take meds

Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 18:08:12

Because my husbands been on them for nearly 2 years now and its done nothing, hes changed them, upped dosage, lowered dosage, had awful side effects, sometimes made it worse.

And now he feels like hes stuck on them cause he messes up bad if he misses 1.

And he wishes he had never started.

Lulumama Sun 05-Jul-09 18:10:09

has your husband seen a psychiatrist? ime GPs are not always best placed to prescribe and tinker with the dose of ADs

i had a psych prescribe me something - effexor , 175mg and started to feel better within 48 hours , after 4 years of PND

regardless of what your DH's situation, you are struggling

crying, low self esteem, lack of motivation etc are all signs of being depressed

it is a chemical issue, that can be resovled with the help of meds, counselling etc.. a holisitc approach

Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 18:11:02

Yes he sees 2. and a psychologist?

Lulumama Sun 05-Jul-09 18:13:34


hopefully he will get sorted then

the meds have to be part of soemthing else

you also have to do stuff, things you aren/'t comfortable doing

you should really consider getting help

you are young and should be out there taking on teh world !

Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 18:15:39

Sometimes I feel like its not a problem to me though iykwim, im happy being how I am, its just everyone else expects me to go out, drink, have friends etc ... then i start believeing that and feeling bad tha I don't?

some people just aren't like that?

Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 18:17:03

I think also, a bit, i always thought id work in childcare when DCs got big, but in all trithfullness i didn't really enjoy being there with them, but haven't got qualifications tpo do anything else!

Lulumama Sun 05-Jul-09 18:19:17

if you don;t want to work with children, then find a way to do something else.

what other things do you like/enjoy?

if you don';t want to go out and see people, then don;'t, but only because you don't like socialising,not becuase you are afraid IFYSWIM

your OP makes you sound depressed , you mnight be , or not, but you sound throroughly misearble

Disenchanted3 Sun 05-Jul-09 18:23:25

Perhaps I am just a natural miseryguts then?

I just enjoy the company of my husband and kids. I don't like to drink, dance, go to the put, meet friends,

I like to sit home & watch films, read books etc...

I just can't be bothered with people

Lulumama Sun 05-Jul-09 18:28:52

well that is fine IF it makes you happy.

but sobbing, crying, finding excuses not to do stuff is not great

even if you are not depressed, you all need something outside of teh family and home . it is a lot of pressure to be everything to each other with no-one and nothing else.

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