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New here. Feeling isolated.

(16 Posts)
manicmama Mon 16-May-05 17:04:10

Background: Have two boys (3yrs and 2yrs). Although planned, I was in shock after having my eldest. He was the first baby I ever held, also no friends who have had kids. Got pregnant again when ds1 was 6 months old. Tried to move house as lived in 3rd floor flat with no lift and stairs up to the front door. It took my dh and I 2 years to sell and we finally moved into our new house in Feb this year. After birth of ds2 was very depressed. Took it all out on dh, cried, rang Health Visitor, ranted at my Mum. Convinced myself it was just the terrible circumstances. Everyone said I would feel better after moving house.

Anyway still feeling low after move. I just want to be on my own. My moods are very up and down. Everyone says what a good job I am doing at bringing the boys up but I wonder what they are talking about. Also, relationship with dh has suffered and so I feel very isolated. He has to work long hours and despite working part-time and going to lots of mother & toddler groups there is no one I can talk to. I am finding motherhood very tough and wonder if anyone else can help me get some perspective on things.

(Have to go and prepare the boys' supper now)

spacedonkey Mon 16-May-05 17:18:07

Hi manicmama, I just wanted to say hello and offer my sympathy - you will find a LOT of other mums who know how you are feeling!

darlingbud Mon 16-May-05 18:08:15

Hi manicmama. I know exactly how you feel. You have had a few stressful things happening all at once recently so I don't blame you for feeling abit up and down.
Its easier said than done but if you can now try and relax - look around you. Lovely family and nice new surroundings. Do you get out much? If you don't why not try toddler groups and on an evening if you can, get some time on your own eg swimming or cinema with a friend etc.

assumedname Mon 16-May-05 18:16:00

It is tough having small kids. Although they're lovable and fun, they're also very demanding.

Do you get much time to yourself? Can your mum babysit or your dh have the boys while you have a morning to yourself at the weekend? If you can carve out a bit of time for you, you might feel there was a better balance to your life as a whole.

And if people are saying you're doing a good job bringing up the boys - you are!

manicmama Mon 16-May-05 18:28:03

Thanks for the support

adrift Mon 16-May-05 19:23:27

MM, it sounds as if you are now suspecting there is something else going on here -- as if it wasn't simply the difficult circumstances that have left you feeling low.
Moodswings and a sense of isolation/hopelessness are all things that might indicate PND, which can be triggered by stressful circs (like moving house, for eg). Of course, you might not have it, but it might be worth investigating.
So many people on MN have been diagnosed with PND. I found my diagnosis a huge relief. That was when I started getting better.
Have you told your HV/GP how you feel?
Have you done the Edinburgh Test?

darlingbud Mon 16-May-05 19:24:37

I was going to suggest PND to adrift. I was diagnosed with late onset PND when dd was 2 but I now think I had it for a while.

manicmama Mon 16-May-05 19:29:40

Can you have PND this long after birth? Also what is the Edinburgh test?

Have not discussed anything with my HV/GP because it feels like I am making a fuss and may affect getting jobs / life assurance

darlingbud Mon 16-May-05 19:31:25

I've just got new house insurance and I have been on anti depressants for 12 months and been seeing a councillor - it was her who narrowed it down to late onset PND.

Yes it can happen late on. Just mention it to HV/GP - doesn't necessarily have to go on your notes does it?

WigWamBam Mon 16-May-05 19:35:53

The Edinburgh Scale is a checklist of questions your health visitor can give you, to see whether you are likely to have PND/depression.

You can see the online version of it here

manicmama Mon 16-May-05 19:36:10

It feels so dramatic to say I have PND. I think that I pretty definitely did have it after ds2 but I am definitely better now than I was. It is just difficult to work out what feelings are normal and what aren't

manicmama Mon 16-May-05 19:37:00

Thanks for the Edinburgh test link - I will try it.

manicmama Mon 16-May-05 19:40:31

Well it turns out that my score was 12 and a score of 12+ indicates the likelihood of depression but not its severity. Looks like I am a borderline case

WigWamBam Mon 16-May-05 20:30:37

Go and see the GP and tell him how you feel, take a printed copy of the Edinburgh test if you can and show him that.

moondog Mon 16-May-05 20:33:44

manicmama,nice to see you.
You sound like you've had a tough time. I know how it feels to be trapped in a flat with a baby. Dreadful.
You're right,motherhood is tough. Easier when you can share some of the aggro here,though.

assumedname Tue 17-May-05 09:29:17

How are you today?

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