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No more babies for me is driving me into depression

(5 Posts)
windswept Wed 01-Jul-09 11:58:21

I think Im finally in the right topic discussion. I am very depressed I wont be having any more children. I am 43 and although I have been checked out recently and told that I am still very fertile (cant believe it) it has caused major unpleasant discussions with my husband as he keeps changing his mind. one minute he wants a third child and the next minute he doesnt. He has always said if i lose weight, (im about one and half stone over) he will go for it. What that has to do with Ive no idea. even the doctor has told him i am o.k to go ahead with it. I am confused this has been going on between us for too long . I feel he has totally messed me about. I have offered to move on to new projects to fill the gap another child would have filled and he doesnt like the idea of that either. I have taken the day off work today. I work for myself so its only me that losing out but I watched my niece give birth to her first child last night. its brought all my issues back up. I am so depressed I have contacted my doctor but I know ultimately its only me who can sort myself out. Please can some one chat to me.

windswept Wed 01-Jul-09 12:41:59

will anyone talk to me i cant belive how depressed i feel. Ive closed all the curtains in the house and switched the phones off.

YommyMommy Wed 01-Jul-09 14:04:58

Hi windswept,

Are you still around??

I think your dh is being really unfair messing you around! What reasons has he given for not wanting a 3rd dc?? Other that wanting you to loose some weight??

Hope you are okay!

x x x

windswept Wed 01-Jul-09 14:36:55

thank you for replying i went to bed feeling totally alone. My dh has always had some controlling issues to his personality regarding me. He has been my dh for 20 years
although he has been a very successful business man he has massive issues when it comes to decision making regarding the family. i.e. I decided which school our daughter went to and when we had our first child he over analysis everything to make sure we are making the right decision needless to say i usually end up making the decision in a family sense. He feels at 47 people would call him grandad, which he would be embarrassed about and obviously thinks about us providing for another child at our age. All these things are reasonable ddoubts and worries to have I know that. so i have often said lets leave it then and move on to another phase of our life. For instance i have been offered a place at university to study english, now for the last two years i have deferred it, in case I hhad the opportunity of another baby. But its coming to that time of year again and I have to let them know. I just feel by taking the place at Uni i will be firmly closing the door on my baby days. Then he start to add more confusion to me by saying oh it would be great to have one more child and tells me he thinks he would regret it if we didnt. But in the meantime starts using protection with me whilst we are having sex

YommyMommy Wed 01-Jul-09 21:32:21

Hi Windswept,

Sorry you were feeling so down today! I think you really need to speak to your dh and tell him the time is now or never? How old is your dd? I had the same issues with my dh before I fell pregnant with my ds2 (we were not trying for him at all, far from it!) My dh kept saying we couldn't afford it and he didn;t really want another one, plus he was worried about my frame of mind with the anxiety!I too felt very down in the dumps at the prospect of not having any more and my ds1 being an only child! 2 was always the magic number for me! Anyway, I fell pregnant and we really had to consider all the options, thankfully we decided to keep him and in my mind its the best thing we could have done! Dh has no regrests now either...i dont think anyway, lol! hmm.

So all I can suggest is speak to him and tell him all the positives! He may think you can;t afford another, but you will manage! As for the ages, I can;t really comment there as he has his own thoughts on that one! But the longer he puts it off the worse it will get!

I hope you resolve it and I hope you decide to have another as I am sure your dd would love a little brother or sister :D

Hope your night has been a little brighter and hopefully will hear from you on the anxiety post :D

x x x

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