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Had a really bad day and feeling really unappreciated

(13 Posts)
Slave2Babe Thu 12-May-05 22:24:16

I dont know where to begin, it all seems to be going wrong at the moment and I dont have enough hours in the day.

DD is just over 6 months.

I have been working from home ever since coming out of hospital (i had a c-section).

I'm feeling so guilty in every aspect of my life.

I feel that by working so much at home during the day, DD is not getting enough attention. She is crawling already and i seem to forever be picking her up and putting her back with her toys - we've invested in a play pen but not got round to putting it up yet!

Work are getting at me because even tho i'm doing as much as I can, they feel i could do more. They want me to put DD with a minder so i can go into work. Problem is, its a young company and i'm not paid enough to afford a minder.

On a personal note, DP is feeling neglected because once DD has settled for the night, I have to fit in more work before I go to bed.

I'm really over stretched and there's not enough of me to go around! After 6 months of doing my best I'm at breaking point and dont know what to do

Not sure what advice i'm expecting I just needed to vent ...

Mosschops30 Thu 12-May-05 22:36:37

Message withdrawn

dizzymama Thu 12-May-05 22:37:17

Sending you big big hugs, don't know what I can say to make it better hon. You sometimes get the feeling the world expects us to be supermums don't you? x

PuffTheMagicDragon Thu 12-May-05 22:39:33

Sound like you have a lot on your plate - is it possible to go part time with your job, and do those days there, using a childminder or nursery?

Evesmama Thu 12-May-05 22:40:14

your doing too much and trying to plaese everyone..i know how you feel but even i am not 'going to work'....prioritise you loads...what is the least you can do for work and get away with it..could you manage to work part time??, not work at all? change jobs??
youre working from home i assume to spend time with dd, so for your own sanity, you need to drastically cut back on your whole workload..especially after getting straight back into work
you havent had time to 'get to know' dd properly

big hug for you

morocco Thu 12-May-05 22:47:03

sounds like a bad day
remember that you just gave birth pretty recently so I expect you are still knackered and it sounds like you have a hectic schedule anyway. I'm not surprised you have up and down moments. Take time out to be kind to yourself too. Hope things look better tomorrow

zippy539 Thu 12-May-05 23:06:59

Hi Slave2Babe - sorry you've had a rubbish day.

I hate to say this, but i suspect your situation is going to get worse as DD gets more mobile and demanding. I say this as someone who also attempts to work from home - it's a nightmare. I only manage it by the skin of my teeth and that's because DH has gone down to four days a week - and I still end up working every single night after dd and ds have gone to bed.

Have you any alternatives? Is there a local childminder you could use for even a couple of mornings a week? Or would you consider a part time nursery place for your DD - maybe you could claim it on child tax credit (I might have got that wrong but I know you can claim it somewhere...). Or is there anyone who could come in and sit with dd for a set amount of time every week? It's amazing what you can get done if you get a couple of clear hours to yourself.

I didn't do any of these things - I just couldn't bring myself to hand my kids over to someone else for even for a few hours a week. Instead, they have a grumpy, stressed and very nippy mummy who always has something else she should be doing In restrospect, and if I had this time again, I would def get some childcare organised.

You can't be everything to everyone and you'll drive yourself demented if you try. Honestly, if you want to keep working check out any local part-time child care options. Sorry to be the voice of doom, but I sooo know where you are coming from - it just feels like you never have any time off, doesn't it???

Is it essential that you keep working - could you afford to negotiate a break with work?

Slave2Babe Thu 12-May-05 23:15:32

Thanks everyone! I dont normally let stuff get to me but today was just a bad one ... DD is teething, work are crying out for a million things to be done by yesterday and dp had a massive go at me and stomped off to bed at about 9pm.

I am looking at childcare options but last time i contacted inland revenue they were prepared to contribute just 5% toward the cost!

If i cut my hours back at work, my pay will be cut back and i barely break even as it is.

Dp isnt paid brilliantly but its enough to knock down the help we get from the government! But he has his own debts, etc to worry about and has very little spare cash at the end of the month.

We have no family nearby and as we havent lived here very long, the only circle of friends we have are work related!

Evesmama Thu 12-May-05 23:21:03

well im in teesside and am looking to become a childminder if im any use
will do you a discount being a fellow mnetter

Slave2Babe Thu 12-May-05 23:22:45

aww wrong end of the country completely ... we're just outside of Bath

wysiwyg Thu 12-May-05 23:23:51

Not surprising you are feeling so bad - IMO trying to work at the same time as looking after children just ends up in a stressed out mum, and the work takes twice as long as it would do otherwise. Its the worst possible thing to have to try and do. And you just end up feeling guilty.

Wonder if you could do a childcare swap with another local mum - work like mad when you have childcare, plus in the evenings, but the rest of the time relax and enjoy your little one.
Utopia I know - good luck.

Evesmama Thu 12-May-05 23:27:50

aww, i could have helped you out there

still, i think(although this sounds laughable..still is to me and my dd's 2) you need some time to yourself!, i think youre gunna have to speak to work about workload and pressure, dp about how things have changed and you need his support not his attitude and...most importantly...spend more fun time with dd....beleive me i know..you'll regret it..i had PND almost immediatly after dd born and am sooo sad about not being able to bond with her..in your circumstances, people are not allowing you to bond with her...work will still be there in an hour, but your dd's first achievements are priceless
thats not meant to make you guilty, just to try and say we all need to get a perspective of whats important..really important

Diddle Thu 19-May-05 14:35:25

slavetobabe - do you enjoy your job??? I hated mine, have no children but the hours were getting me down, so I became a childminder, is that something you could do? You don't need qualifications, plus you get to spend time with your new baby. I earn £20k a year doing it and its lovely beign your own boss. worth thinking about.

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