POST NATAL DEPRESSION FOR 3 AND A HALF YEARS PLEASE HELP NEED A FRIEND

[jadine]

I have been told i have pnd depression again i have had this ongoing for 3 and half years suffered serious kidney problems went into hospital to try and stop prematue labour i can count on one hand how i nearly lost our children.|I feel so lonely, my partner works long hours to provide for the family, but i feel alone trying to cope and be a good mum.
I work two nights in a garage from 6pm to 12pm im not putting the job down but i came from a sales background worked for a newspaper and a recuitment company now i feel so unhappy because i know i can do so much more, but i do it because it makes my children happy.
I feel sad because i feel i can not talk to my partner anymore about the fact we are growing apart i have known him since i was 17 im 35 this month i love him but i dont know what to do please help me im so lonely xxx.

[jadine]

I have been told i have pnd depression again i have had this ongoing for 3 and half years suffered serious kidney problems went into hospital to try and stop prematue labour i can count on one hand how i nearly lost our children.|I feel so lonely, my partner works long hours to provide for the family, but i feel alone trying to cope and be a good mum.
I work two nights in a garage from 6pm to 12pm im not putting the job down but i came from a sales background worked for a newspaper and a recuitment company now i feel so unhappy because i know i can do so much more, but i do it because it makes my children happy.
I feel sad because i feel i can not talk to my partner anymore about the fact we are growing apart i have known him since i was 17 im 35 this month i love him but i dont know what to do please help me im so lonely xxx.

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

Have you thought about what else you can do job wise to try and boost your self esteem? Have you been to see the GP?

[ErikaMaye]

Hey there.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment. Are you on any anti-depressents? I was on fluroxotine until I found out I was pregnant, and although it wasn't a miricle cure, it gave me that bit of space in my head to take a step back and a breath from everything when it was feeling crappy. I'd been on them for nearly two years.

You should be proud of yourself for putting your family first - it is one of the hardest things to do when you are feeling that low. The fact you are still doing a job that you don't find satisfying because your children like it is so huge. Give yourself a hug!

Something I found that cheered me up was taking up a hobby. Doesn't have to be anything big - I actually started crocheting! To see the little progress I made on a daily basis made me feel that tiny bit better; it was an achievement.

If you'd like my email address or my facebook name, please let me know. I know how much sometimes it helps to have a total stranger to talk to.

Try talking to your partner about how you feel - explain to him that while you understand why he's working as hard as he is, and you greatly appriciate it, you need some love right now, and you do need it. I'm very blessed in that my partner has fought off mental illness as well, so he gets me in that sense. But say to him that you need a hug, or you need to be told how much he loves you, even if it sounds silly to him.

You're not alone, remember. You have children who I'm sure adore you. You have a partner that although you may feel distant from right now, is still by your side. And you have everyone on here.

Big hugs.

[jadine]

Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it, its been hard but I have started to come out the other side, my partner does love me and im very lucky to have him and my two children.

I just wish I could do something for me, I would like to go to college to be a Teaching Assistant but my daughter wont go to playgroup till next September.

It boils down to child care at the end of the day and cost we have all ben there im not the only one, any advice for me on that xxx. thank you.

[jadine]

Sorry Im on 40mg of Citropram, have been for 2 months.

[ErikaMaye]

I know its not the same - but I feel ill to the point of becoming disabled a year and a half ago. I know how frustrating it is to feel unfulfilled in yourself. I've had to drop out of college twice, and one of those was a fully funded place at an amazing sixth form. All I can say is that there is always the future. Focus on enjoying the time you have with your daughter while she's this age - it won't happen again!

Have you thought about the OU? Their courses are very reasonably priced, and you can do a TA course through them - was something I was looking at a while ago.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today. x

[jadine]

Im sorry to hear that I hope you are feeling better now, if you ever want to talk i can give you my email, be nice to have a friend., im a good listner.
Whats OU?please, im fine today went to Paultons Park as a family so had a lovely day, thank you xx

[ErikaMaye]

Sorry for the slow responce, yesterday got gradually worse and I wasn't really in any fit state to do anything put cry!

Thanks chuck, thats really sweet. Are you on facebook?

OU - Open University. I have their latest prospectus, there are so many courses

I hope today is as good as yesterday was!

[jadine]

Im not on facebook, but will be rejoining soon coudn't get the hang of it.I will look at the OU for the TA course thankyou.today has been fine, sorry you were sad yesterday hope you are feeling better now, im always here.

[ErikaMaye]

I only asked because I'm vritually addicted hehe. The OU will take anyone, basically, and you can do it at your own pace, so it might be something to consider.

I'm feeling a bit better thankyou. Tired and stressed, and wishing so much that I could be wrapped up with my partner - needing a hug and a laugh. And a good size glass of wine hehe!!

[jadine]

Im addicted to mn,hehe!!I have had a look at the OU and considering my options thanks, How are you today?.im ok just about to have a nice bath before painting with my ds, dd is asleep hope to talk to you soon.

[ErikaMaye]

I'm okay actually thanks - was discharged from CAMHS today, finally tranfering over to the adult services. Bit nervous about meeting my new therapist as it takes me a long time to trust these people and I get on very well with my current OT. But we'll see.

I managed to answer some judgemental cow on the bus back today as well. She's was trying to have a go at me about being pregnant "at my age", and I turned to her and said: "I'm sorry, I think you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit what you think." Thats a HUGE achievement for me!!

Ohhh a bath sounds nice... Might do that too!

[jadine]

Ha Ha that is great! good on you the interfering old bitch, I bet that shut her up, wish I had been on the bus I would of laughed my head of.
Im sure your new therapist will be lovely you dont know me and we gel so she will be great,trust me.
Im putting the children to bed soon and then going to have a lovely glass of wine, I think and a long soak in the bath, fancy a chat later when the kids are in bed.

[Jennyso]

Hi Jadine, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so low. PND is a horrible state of mind - I know as I have suffered myself. I have made a full recovery so there is definately light at the end of the tunnel.

I wondered if you might be interested in a group I am planning to run - I decided I wanted to share some of my experiences with other mums/parents/carers. Seems there are so many issues and we could all do with a bit of support.

Here's the info anyhow - let me know what you think:

NEW PARENT/CARER SUPPORT GROUP
Islington Therapy Centre, 187a Northchurch Road, London N1

An experienced counsellor is planning to run new weekly parent/carer support group to help people address any issues relating to parenting and childbirth.

The group will run on Thursday evenings for an hour and a half. The time is tbc depending on interest. It is open to anyone who cares for a child, but is for adults only.

Group members can share ideas about family, relationships, anger or stress and find new ways to build up confidence and self esteem... the agenda will be set by group members so the choice is yours.

If you are interested please get in touch!

Call Jenny on 07800 500 943 or email [email protected]

[ErikaMaye]

Ohhh wine and bath, that sounds so frigging lovely

Had a really rough day today, still not feeling 100%... Its not easy dealing with my head right now, and my DP has got fed up with me sighs

Jennyso - whats the nearest train station to this centre?

[Jennyso]

Hi Erika, it's a 5 minute walk from Essex Road or a ten minute walk from Highbury and Islington.

[jadine]

Sorry I dont know if you got my latest message , I live in southampton so its a long way for me to go, but thank you Jennyso for your kind words.
had a bad day today as my son is being bullied and I never saw the signs I have addressed it but im worried now as my son has been so happy at this playgroup and he is leaving to go to school for september and will only just turn 4 in August.

[ErikaMaye]

hugs Don't beat yourself up - sometimes you just can't see these things. I hope your son is okay...?

My email address is [email protected] (long story, don't ask!!!) if you want to email me at any time. Keep smiling! x

[Jumente]

EM do be cautious about giving out personal details. Just in case iyswim

[angrypixie]

Just a quickie, but you don't need to do a college course to be a teaching assistant. Most schools will take you on if you show a passion for working with children, a positive attitude, a 'team player' spirit, and a clean CRB They will then undertake your training in house.

That's certainly true of my school.

Good luck, I too have been in the deep dark hole, but there is a way out - just takes a hell of a lot of digging.

More later

[ErikaMaye]

What does iyswim stand for?

I use that email address because its the one I give out - created when I was eleven, forgot about it, now use it for online

Getting my arsed kicked by my eating disorder today. Ow damn it..!

[Jumente]

'If you see what I mean'

Sorry to hear about your ED, I know too much about those..

I only meant be careful if you don't know who a person is - there has been a great deal of suspicious activity lately on the boards and I don't want anyone to leap into personal contact with anyone else without a degree of caution. Hope you don't mind me saying this.

[ErikaMaye]

Oh thanks! I feel very uneducated sometimes... I keep having to ask everyone to explain what they're saying

Sorry to hear that... What a good olde bundle of joy they are, huh?? I'm supposed to be going out for dinner tonight. Dreading it. But at the same time, need to eat for the baby.

No, not at all. I give out that email address because its my online one, but I get totally what you mean. Thankyou

[Louby1983]

Hi all, I can honestly say 'I know how you feel' to both Erikamaye & Jadine.
Suffered from depression for a few years prior to getting pregnant with my ds (now 20 months old)& was thus more prone to it when I actually got pregnant, it continued through to last june when i took an od & a couple of weeks later snapped out of it becus i realised i nearly lost ds 4eva & it scared the st out of me! (for gods sake - dont try it, its awful!)
Its a nasty beast that comes & goes when things get a bit rough. You feel like uv lost control & desperately want to be well again, u can remember how it feels to be happy but just cant seem to climb up the sides of the well that is depression, back to the daylight. You can see people all around the top of the well, reching their hands down trying to help, but ultimately you have got to be the one to get the footing to climb a bit higher & reach back.

Erikamaye - Ive also been there with eating disorder & issues over how I look (I have very big boobs & used to be constantly tormented at school & college & no matter what I wore, it just hung off my chest & made me look fat). All those girls who want to look like jordan are so diluded, u should feel the weight of these things & what they do to your back & some of the comments that people make can be so bloody cruel.
Eventually, I met somebody who loved my body just the way it was & in turn taught me to love it & use it to my advantage.

When u start to mess around with ur weight, u will very quickly realise that u are never satisfied with the results because u r still 'in the same skin' (if that makes sense?). It runs deeper, u r unhappy with more than just appearance, your confidence takes a knock etc, nothing ever looks 'right' on u, etc. Its an issue that needs to be tackled from the inside rather than the outside. To do that properly, u need to start to realise how special u as a person are. Start listening to the people who care, realise that what they love about you is special & therefore u r.

Realise that if neither of u were special, a complete stranger like me, wudnt give a st. But im here, writing to u both, saying what ur going through is ok, ur not alone & i understand.

Jadine, my dh worked away for long hours when my little one was tiny, all i wanted to be was there for my ds but was working a full time 43 hour week, handing him over to the childminder when he was asleep & collecting him when he was asleep, having to manage the house on my own & then run around after dh & stepson all sat nite & sunday, every week. I was shattered, never got any time 4 myself, work were being awful to me after i had returned from mat leave & eventually pushed me out altogether ( retrospectively, i would have had a very good case to take to court but at the time i was in too much of a mess). It all just got too much, i fealt like i couldnt breath & there would never be an end to it, but there was. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Ok, so sometimes it takes a bit of time to get there - but YOU WILL get there.

[ErikaMaye]

I've ODed three times - You'd have thought I'd have learnt how terrible the charcoal tastes by now!

Everything you've said about ED's is so true. I'm pretty big busted too, and have a very narrow back, so they stick out. Even when I was a six, they seemed to stay the same size!

I'm sorry you had it rough, but good for you for coming out the other side of things. Thankyou for your kind words, it means a lot. x