Is this depression or something more?

[sb9]

Hi,

I think i 'just have' depression but sometimes wonder if anything more is going on.
Just had a horrible weekend. I cant make decisions about things and when I do I worry that they are the right one. I was going through this with my husband deciding what to do sat and it all escallated to me saying i wanted to kill myself, not wanting to live I fly into rages where i just want to smash things up. I feel like i want to be horrible to him too and hes wonderful. He admitted he didnt know how much he could take and then i start with the guilt and sadness as im not sure whats going on.
We were ok the rest of the day and then today a similar thing happened, i lost it over something silly get angry and cry. What on earth is going on, i feel so down.

[MrsJamin]

I'd go and see your G.P. and have a talk about what has been going on, they should point you in the right direction of any more help.

[sb9]

I have been so many times and with no luck. I am seeing the mental health team again tuesday but dont hold out much hope ;(

[l39]

Depression covers a lot of horrible symptoms, unfortunately. I'm lucky enough not to get it myself, but I've seen everything you've mentioned and much more in someone close to me, who definitely has depression according to her consultant. I hope your meeting on Tuesday will get you some help - some GPs are a bit useless, to be honest. The crisis team were a lot more helpful to our family.

[sb9]

Yep my GP just wanted to put me on tablets and wasnt rreally interested. The community health team i sawlast said about counselling, I waited 8 months to see them then they said it would be a year wait! They offered group therapy but then phoned me asking me to go in tomorrow to see if they could think of anything else as i was so upset at having to wait a year.
I suppose i worry i have something like i dont know bipola or something but then i know i dont fit the criteria of that but if anger fits depression then thats me!

[sb9]

What a waste of time, feel really cross! They said that they couldnt put a finger on what was wrong, i didnt quite fit all the boxes for things - i.e depression and was a bit of everything. Said i would benefit from some more exploration work maybe CAT therepy or pyschodynamic but the wait was a year. I am really fed up!

[welshmoomin]

You poor poor thing. You've been so brave to go and talk to your GP and I'm so sorry you feel let down.

Reading your first posting was like reading something I could have written myself a few weeks ago. I'd been feeling like it for so long that I started to think it couldn't be fixed. I finally went to my GP just over two weeks ago and he diagnosed PND and gave me some ADs. It was a big leap of faith to take them but I'm giving them a go. So far, I've had a glimmer of the old me come back and all I can do is hope for the future (which I couldn't even do a few weeks ago).

I really hope you find someway of getting the help you need sb9 (even if that turns out to be ADs like me) as I know the place your in right now feels pretty scary.

Best of luck.

[sb9]

I have had ADs but the therapists say its just a sticking plaster and when you stop taking them it will come back so i was wanting to try and tackle to problem i have.
It is the worst thing ever to go through. I have a daughter who is 14 months and i feel like im letting her down so much. I cant understand how else to get help i have tried so much.

[SusieDerkins]

It may be that changing to a different type of AD will help you, just in the short term.

[sb9]

I might have to go back onto ADs. Had a row with hubbie and feel awful as it gts worse and worse over something silly. We seem to row so much at the moment but he says its because im so irritable and i do feel it, like i dont have any patience anymore.

We were choosing a restaurant and i thought he was being moody as i wanted to go to a different one to him, i got really angry and then began to cry it then goes to me saying i have ruined the night and i want to die etc to me seeing his poor face and feeling guilty at cuasing this.

I just dont know what to do anymore as i try to control it but cant. The mental health team have just put me on a waiting list all though i am going to psycohynamic on wednesday.

I just feel like I am a complex ball of emotions. I am really struggling.

[Wittering]

I'm sorry you are going through such a touch time. From what you say, it does sound like depression -- anger and irritability are certainly features of depression. So no need to torture yourself with the idea it might be something else.

I find that it is the combo of depression and stress that generates anger/irritability. And like you I find it very stressful to make decisions, even quite small ones. They all seem pregant with the possibilities of guilt, regret, self-punishmnet for making the wrong decision.

Can you give yourself some protected space for non-stressful times? Time alone to walk the dog, go for a run, watch telly, whatever?That might make it easier to begin to tackle the depression, in whatever way you decide.

[sb9]

Thanks, I know i keep thinking i may have something like a personality disorder or something and that its more.

I cant believe i cant make the smallest of decisions its really annoying!

I do have a lot of time for other activites and they do help but just feel so stuck with this. Its really affecting my marriage as i seem to just take it out on my husband and am scared one day he will have had enough but in some ways i keep pushing and pushing him, makes me really sad as hes lovely.

[TrinityRhino]

that can be 'just' depression

but seriously 'just' is a little condescending to other sufferers

my depression is not like a common cold, it has nearly ruined my marraige and controlled my life for a long time

please see your gp

[WowOoo]

I'd try to be a bit more pushy IYKWIM

Different drugs may help. Tell yourself it's just for short term and keep pushing for counselling.

So unfair that waiting list is so long but people get better/ don't go and waiting lists get shorter so keep nagging them to get yourself at top of that list.

[sb9]

Didnt mean to condesend at all and do not take depression lightly i was just merely trying to say is there anything else going on. This is compounded by the health team saying i dont have depression as i can function most days and they seem to think i should be in bed and struggling with everyday life so i wondered if i had a mood problem or anything else i could look at....

Im going to the drs again and yes agree to keep on nagging thanks

[TrinityRhino]

sorry sb9
I'm not having a good day
I apologise

I hope you get the help you need soon

[sb9]

No worries!