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I'm looking for some advice on helping someone with depression, please.

(9 Posts)
squeaver Thu 04-Jun-09 21:34:23

I think that someone close to me is suffering from depression. I don't think it's serious at the moment but from what I've been able to figure out (well from Google..) all the main boxes are being ticked.

Now, how can I help? Can someone give me some advice on helping him accept that he is/might be ill and persuading him to go to the doctor.

Just coming out with "have you thought you might be depressed?" will get a very defensive answer, I'm certain.

Any useful pointers or indeed good websites to visit would be greatly appreciated.

squeaver Thu 04-Jun-09 22:35:05

A quick bump as I head off to bed.

jumble Thu 04-Jun-09 22:47:41

You will not be able to diagnose him. it will provoke a negative reaction. better off leaving some magazines/website links/relevant newspaper articles lying around and leaving it up to him to recognize the similarities himself. if he hasn't picked up the clues in a few days, create a third person conversation about depression in general. the ideal is that he seeks help himself, but keep an eye on the timescale. good luck.

jumble Thu 04-Jun-09 22:54:16

sorry, just re-read my post and it sounds really patronizing. guess what I'm trying to say is that if he is depressed seeking treatment is just the start of it. make sure he knows he can talk to you about ANYTHING without getting e judgement and give him pace to co-ordinate his thoughts when he needs it. expect that sounds even worse than the last post!

wobbegong Thu 04-Jun-09 23:22:22

Any good to you squeaver?

mind factsheet on depression

LovelyDear Fri 05-Jun-09 00:39:21

i have this too with a friend of mine. i am getting therapy and am worried i might just be a bit 'save the world'ish and evangelical. so i asked my therapist what i should do. he said, just listen, keep offering an ear, and perhaps say 'it might be worth talking to your gp' but the friend has to realise and want help for anything to succeed. i was very grateful for a colleague at work who told me my thoughts were not rational - until then, i'd thought my family were overreacting - and i finally went to the docs.

squeaver Fri 05-Jun-09 07:54:39

Thank you all.

Very useful and not patronising at all smile.

I'm not very good at keeping my own counsel but will try to follow all the advice here.

welshmoomin Fri 05-Jun-09 09:00:42

Hi Squeaver,

I have recently been in the same position as your friend. What spurred me on to get help from my GP was reading mumsnet. Someone said they 'owed it to their family to get better'. This different perspective made me realize that it wasn't just about me and that I was being a little selfish by struggling to try and get better on my own (which in my was not possible without the help of ADs). I don't know if your friend has a family but if he does, I'm sure they are suffering too.

I think men find it even harder to accept help so you could try to make him think it's his idea by saying something like - you can see how unhappy he is, does he think there's anything he could do that could help to make him feel better?

I think the 'D' word still has a stigma attached so you could try to avoid using it. Perhaps (as with me), he doesn't want to talk to his nearest and dearest. You could try saying to him that he looks like he needs to 'off load' all that's going on at the moment. How about doing it to someone that doesn't know him, you, the family? How about seeing the GP and off loading to him/her, perhaps that all he needs to do......

So sorry for wittering on a bit there but I finally appreciate how suffering was a completely pointless excersice and very distructive to myself and my family's happiness.

I think the advice from the other mums above is excellent and leaving a website open for him the 'happen across' is a brilliant idea.

I really hope he gets help soon Squeaver as he is lucky to have someone who cares about him as much as you and you deserve for him to get better too. As soon as he gets help, he will realize this and things will get better I promise!

xxxxx

squeaver Fri 05-Jun-09 11:41:14

Thank you so much for posting welshmoomin - your perspective is really helpful. I like the "offloading" idea. Am very nervous about using the D word.

I'm going to take all this great advice and use it, I promise.

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