Can we do it>

[mumswish]

I had a missed misscarriage middle of last year. It's now coming up to when I would have given birth and I can't stop crying. I want to try again but after the m/c I left my job (too many memories) it took 4 months to find a new one now I have one and my boyf boss has fired him (same boss I had) I can't help but resent him (boyf did nothing wrong and is suing). I want a baby more than anything but with him out of work we cant do it.

He wants to get married first and with him out of work we cant do that either. I feel like everything/one is against me having my baby. I know I'm only 20 and the world is ahead of me but my dream since I was little is settling down and having a baby.

I Don't know what to do, every month I have to take my pills and it hurts each time. I feel like just throwing them downt the toilet and getting pg without telling him.

HELP! Please I feel like dying.

[elsmommy]

Hi, I'm really crap at advice so bear with me!!
I'm sorry about your misscarriage. I haven't been there myself but I have a close friend who went through it so I know its hard when these times come round
I don't think its a good idea to get pg without telling your dp, its bound to all come out one day and that wouldn't be good.
Could you should talk to your gp? She/he might be able to arrange someone to talk to or some medication.

[mumswish]

I'm not going to get pg because I know he wants children eventually and I do not want to lie to him, It's just I dont feel he understands when I try and tell him how I feel he just jokes (to hide his feeling) and I need someone to talk to. I want him to be able to give me a time when we can have kids.

[elsmommy]

But your're only young! You've got years and years to have kids!!
I'm 21, I have a little girl who I love but I have no life! I'm stuck in my flat all day with no adult conversation and no social life. I have just 1 friend left who I hardly ever see!!
I don't want to go on but you've already been through alot for your age and maybe you need to find a way of moving on before you have think of having kids.
I think you need to sit down and explain to your dp how you're feeling then maybe he'll do the same.

[mumswish]

I understand what your saying but this is what I want. I dont have a life apart from my boyfriend. I never had so it's no difference to me, I've never wanted to. I've been night-clubbing and hated it, I don't like to sit in a crowded pub I like to be at home or at my mates house baby-sitting thier little baby (9 months old)

Thats the life I want and getting so close to it but then having it torn away like that is not fair and the thing I hate the most is the fact that we're not allowed to get back to what we nearly had. I know that given the money he'd love kids, he keeps saying it.

[elsmommy]

Ok, so when he gets a job you could start trying then. But I wouldn't put too much pressure on him.
I don't think you really have to get married first though!!

[elsmommy]

I've gotta go now I'll check back in later.
Take care.

[mumswish]

My miscarriage was an unplanned child and he never said anything about marriage just about a house. Now we have one he's saying marriage, I'm just wondering if it's just his way of finding excuses and not really wanting it in the first place even though that's all he says when I mention it.

If I say baby he says "no Job" I say get one he says "ok but we can't have a child til we've gotten married"

I'm starting to wonder if I should give up.

[mumfor1sttime]

Hi I am so sorry to hear about your loss and that you feel so down. I think that you need to take a mental break from your problems,maybe your dp is worried of upsetting you, maybe he hurts too, sounds like he wants things to be just so for you. Think you should both have some time out and go for a mea( or make meal)-have heart to heart, youve both had lot to deal with, so have good cry and lay your cards on table. Its time to move on you just have to decide in which direction.

[elsmommy]

I hope you get what you want.
You really need to talk to your dp.

[mumswish]

Thanks for all your advice guys,
We sat down over the weekend and actually talked about what we want. He says he wants exactly the same thing as me just not right this minute. He wants a baby but not till we can cope with one. I realised that its not so much the baby I want now I just want to know were working towards it. So.... because I'm slightly overwieght, I'm cutting down on sweets, coke and cigarettes (again) eveything that I would normally spend on those things are going in a basin thats going towards our wedding. Same with him, we're also going running and he's actually going to ask my dad if he can marry me, something he's said for ages but been too scared to actually do.

I had a good cry, so did he and now that we're actually going towards what we want I feel so much better, I still wish I could have my child tomorrow and be able to hold and kiss them, but I know that even in the best circumstances we'd never get that.

Thanks again guys