Have been trying and failing to get pregnant for over five years. One failed ivf, one cancelled, high fsh, facing prem menopause, now need donor eggs, and I'm only 28.
I'm sick and tired of being the infertile one. I'm sick and tired of everyone else having their first, second and even third child while we're not even close to having one. I'm sick and tired of having to be happy for everyone else, when nobody every asks me how I'm feeling. I'm sick of feeling as if I don't count because I don't have a child. I can always work late, partner and I aren't a family, in fact I don't have a family, as someone kindly pointed out the other day.
Quite a lot of people know about our situation, but nobody seems to give a shit. Either people ignore it and talk about their own kids, or they make daft remarks such as, 'maybe we need to relax', 'maybe we should just adopt' or 'I can have one of their kids'. And this is from people who actually know the full story - one of whom is the bloody potential mother in law!
I've done the counselling thing, I've been on ADs for a few years, and while they do help, they can't solve the problem. I just feel so alone with this. I just read a post on the conception board where a woman who has been trying for longer than me says she never feels resentful of others' pregnancies, but I do. I don't want to feel this way but I do. So now I feel guilty on top of everything else. Marvellous!
I'm not really sure why I'm posting, I suppose I just needed to get it out of my system. I know not being able to have kids isn't the end of the world, there are far worse things that could happen, but that knowing that doesn't make my pain any less. It bloody hurts. And I'm tired of it.
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Mental health
Really tired of this.
6 replies
sarzy · 26/04/2005 18:18
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