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No sex life

(22 Posts)
curtains Fri 22-Apr-05 07:43:06

Sorry but I'm just fed up. My dh is a lovely man and a great dad, but we haven't had sex for months and months and even before the last time, which I can't remember, it was once a month at the most......I just want to feel wanted, I do love him, but I'm totally embarrassed to try to make a move and I feel totally unsexy. I need him to make a move but he never does. We are both tired (kids still up in the night) and both have put on weight, me especially and I'm really tubby just now. I feel totally undesirable and him never coming near me makes me feel worse. We've turned into mates and our love life has totally died. Before kids we were probably pretty normal,whatever that is, but I've always felt I'd like more sex than him, or at least I always wanted him to make a move on me more often. He just keeps away from me and I know it's because I've gotten so fat. But I comfort eat and can't seem to get a grip on it and I don't get any confidence boosters from him. Please don't tell me to get us both drunk or to buy sexy underwear, I just feel too unself confident for that and as we've been together 12 years I've tried most things anyway.
Sorry just wanted to vent my feelings, I can't talk to my pals as they've all lost their extra weight and so their husbands probably fancy them the same as before.

ggglimpopo Fri 22-Apr-05 07:49:54

Message withdrawn

ETsmum Fri 22-Apr-05 07:50:34

Can sympathise as sex is a real effort for us now, althought not months and months apart. And I do feel incredibly unsexy as have a big stretchmarky roll of flab where ds was

You say dh is lovely and you've been together a while (I've been with dh 10 yrs) Can you maybe try to snuggle up and talk it over? Know my dh is sometimes scared to come on to me for fear of what mood I'm in! We always find talking (without arguing!) helps if we have a problem, but I guess it DOES depend on your relationship.....yours sounds fairly happy otherwise though....

curtains Fri 22-Apr-05 08:14:26

It is ETsmum, I just feel embarrassed about wanting more (well some!) sex.

It's the only part of our marriage not working at the moment.

ETsmum Fri 22-Apr-05 08:37:05

Don't be!!!! (embarrassed that is!) And if it's the only part of your marriage that is causing a problem, my guess is that if you talk to him about it things will gradually get better.

Can understand what you mean re the sexy undies - have a draw full from pre ds, but half of them don't fit and I just don't look sexy in them!! Luuckily dh is "proud" of my tum, and not atall negative about it - he got his ds from it, so he has to like it!

What about trying a nice bubble bath - you and dh could even share one Often relaxes me and puts me in a good mood, if not exactly sexy.....

Can't type more now as ds whants breakfast, but will check back later.

Oh how old are ds/dd's btw?

curtains Fri 22-Apr-05 15:19:44

Ds's are 4 and 6.

So I've had plenty time to get in shape and get sexy since my last baby!

FLUM Fri 22-Apr-05 15:29:33

Perhaps if you've both put on a bit of weight you could suggest trying to get back in shape together. that way you would be spending some quality (hate the expression) time together too.

how about joining a gym together and going together - many have chreches.

as for the sex, mmmmmmmmmmm praps some snuggling and wandering hands. that way you are already under the covers and its not too embarrassing

curtains Fri 22-Apr-05 15:57:18

Good idea Flum.

ETsmum Fri 22-Apr-05 20:21:14

Hi again curtains. Do you ever really have "time" with 2 young children? Know when I get time ds free, I'd much rather spend it indulging in snacks, mumsnetting or reading!

Think FLUM's idea is great. Gym is on the agenda very soon for me too and am trying to get dh interested.....he's not massive, but could do with being a bit fitter

Good luck with things, and post again if you want to chat?

curtains Fri 22-Apr-05 20:58:43

Thanks ETsmum, was feeling a bit sorry for myself this morning. Thing is I do still fancy AND like my dh, he's great, just feel I've lost all of my confidence in being a sexual person instead of being a mummy/pal IYSWIM.

fireflyfairy2 Fri 22-Apr-05 21:07:44

Hi Curtains, my DS is just 4 months old, so sex hurts a bit still (stitches)

Why dont you do as suggested..lay in beside him and put your head on his chest...try rubbing and stroking his chest a while, and whilst you are chatting to him, just let your hand rub lower...before you even know it, you will see how much he wants to have sex with you i promise

Or how about a nice relaxing bath and a massage? How about you run the bath for him and then say..oh you look stressed, why don't i massage you...and see if he'll return the favour

FLUM Mon 25-Apr-05 11:27:12

Sooooooooooooooooooo

any nooky over the weekend. or is it too soon.

Don't wait until you are both thin as rakes - may never happen. me and dp are 'comfy' size so perfect for bouncing off each other

curtains Mon 25-Apr-05 19:26:33

I'm shocked to report we had sex TWICE!!!

Made the effort(to make an effort) and it paid off!

(DH in shock....)...........

ETsmum Mon 25-Apr-05 19:37:59

Good to hear it curtains And I'm pleased to report that this thread made me make an effort too!

curtains Tue 26-Apr-05 15:02:15

!!!

FLUM Tue 26-Apr-05 15:06:36

WEll done girls

glad to hear you made an effort

(i made an excuse myself )

ETsmum Tue 26-Apr-05 16:28:31

Oh FLUM!!!! Your poor dh

dinosaur Tue 26-Apr-05 16:30:05

oh curtains I desperately want to make a bad pun about you having pulled yourself together - aaaaaargh!

curtains Tue 26-Apr-05 16:35:36

good one!

dinosaur Tue 26-Apr-05 16:36:33

really sorry - couldn't resist

thank you for not taking offence!

FLUM Tue 26-Apr-05 16:36:50

only joking am of course a sex goddess! just wanted to make people feel better.

we haven't been together long enough to get fed up with it yet (but watch this space in 5 years)

mind you getting married in Aug so will be able to let myself go and withold all conjugal rights until i get a dishwasher or want another baby

FLUM Tue 26-Apr-05 16:36:51

only joking am of course a sex goddess! just wanted to make people feel better.

we haven't been together long enough to get fed up with it yet (but watch this space in 5 years)

mind you getting married in Aug so will be able to let myself go and withold all conjugal rights until i get a dishwasher or want another baby

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