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Am I Crazy?

(7 Posts)
Katiedale73 Mon 18-Apr-05 13:27:55

My DP is being completely unsupportive regarding my PostNatal Depression. My son is now 3 months old and I'm starting to feel the way I did after I had DD (almost 3.5), which got completely out of hand and wasn't picked up until she was 8 months because I felt too stupid and embarassed to speak to anyone about it because of my DPs attitude.

Basically he had depression as a teenager and because mine didn't manifest itself in the same way that his did, he came to the conclusion that there was nothing wrong with me. A HV eventually noticed I wasn't myself and ran an Edinburgh test which came back ridiculously low. She sent me to my GP, who diagnosed PND, and visited me for counselling.

I don't think I took my pills for long enough though, because DP was constantly on at me to come off them and I've never felt right. I started to lose it again last year while pregnant with DS, but (temporary) midwife said it was just the blues and not to worry about it. So I just shutup and got on with it.

Now I'm back to crying fits for now reason, obsessing over my kids getting hurt/killed/snatched, being snappy and horrible to DS (who tries to hard, bless her) and sleeping really badly. I don't want to reach the stage I reached last time, but DP has again told me that I'm not depressed because he was depressed and if I can still smile and laugh then there's nothing wrong with me. If I was depressed I'd be crying all the time apparently.

I'm all confused and embarassed again and don't know what to say to HV in two weeks time.


adrift Mon 18-Apr-05 13:39:39

Don't wait for a fortnight. please call your HV right now. Get in to see a GP as soon as you can, and *take your DP with you* (perhaps prime HV beforehand about his attitude). He needs to be educated.

OMG, how horrible to have PND and a partner who is so dismissive (unsupportive partners are indicators for PND, aren't they?). I really feel for you. But you know there is a way out of this.

Katiedale73 Mon 18-Apr-05 13:43:14

I probably make him sound worse than he is, but I actually feel (looking back) that my depression was just sitting there before I even got pregnant with DD because of him and our excuse for a relationship.

His 'depression' was never actually diagnosed by a professional, yet he's an expert based on his experience alone. And he was there when my HV diagnosed it last time (she could see the problem) and he looked really uncomfortable, but never apologised for the way he treated me.

I daren't even use the words 'post-natal depression' around him now because he laughs at me!

marthamoo Mon 18-Apr-05 13:45:30

Katiedale, I think you need to get back to your GP - as soon as possible. You have classic symptoms of PND: crying, irrational fears, mood swings, inability to sleep. Don't leave it two weeks 'til you see your HV - make an appointment with your GP today and be absolutely honest with him/her about how you are feeling.

You don't say how long you took the anti-depressants for but if you did come off them too soon this can plunge you back into depression again.

Your dp is being horribly unsupportive - much sympathy. Could your GP talk to him too? Just because your depression is not exactly the same as his doesn't make it any less valid - you can be badly depressed and not cry all the time. In fact when my PND was at its worst I was completely emotionless, just spent a lot of time staring blankly into space.

If you feel there is no way your dp will be supportive I would, I think, just not tell him. If you are prescribed anti-d's you don't have to tell him you are taking them. I know being dishonest is not a good foundation for a relationship but you need help and he is denying you that help with his attitude.

Above all, don't be embarrassed - there is nothing to be ashamed of, and you are not alone in feeling the way you do. Please make an appointment with your GP - it doesn't have to be so hard and there is help out there (as you know from having treatment before). Take care and keep posting.

Katiedale73 Mon 18-Apr-05 13:50:40

I have 2 GPs at my surgery - male and female. The female GP is great, the bloke not so, which means that all her appointments are booked way in advance (what happened to emergencies?) so I won't be able to get in and see her for at least a week.

I may go to the clinic on Wed and see my HV then. She's great and always takes my sons book so she can have a chat rather than leave us to whoever's free first.

As for my DP being there - impossible. Works long days and last week went to work on Friday when I was ill because he had a training course he couldn't miss, then went to the pub until 11.00 afterwards with his mate! There's support for you.

Robbie Williams isn't maried is he? Think he'll take me on with two small shildren?

marthamoo Mon 18-Apr-05 13:54:52

Well if you see your HV she can probably swing you a quicker appointment with the nice GP. I'm going to be blunt - your duty is to you and your children and you need to get better. If your dp is going to be an @rse about it then just leave him out of the equation and do what you need to do to feel better. I've had PND with both my children and my dh was less than supportive (especially the first time) too so I do know what it's like. It's strange, because your dp is better placed than many to truly understand depression - but if he can't or won't help then you will have to be strong and get help for yourself. You can do it and life will get better.

adrift Mon 18-Apr-05 13:58:22

Do you think he could be jealous of the fact that you were diagnosed and he wasn't?

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