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cant eat or feed dd. Please help

(203 Posts)
littlelamb Sat 16-Apr-05 12:52:36

I really feel I'm at the end of my tether and i just cant cope. I had problems with bulimia as a teenager and now i'm on my own with my ten month old daughter i just feel so low that all the old habits have slipped back. I have to do twenty miles on my exercise bike a day and I'll only let myself drink diet coke and eat sugar free jelly and i just don't feel able to get out of bed yet alone look after dd. it doesn't help that she's teething and very clingy and i have so much guilt that i cant cuddle her and be happy. I'm so scared she's getting fat I don't know what to feed her and don't want to cook in case I end up eating some of it. I just feel i want someone to take her away but that terrifies me. Please help

golds Sat 16-Apr-05 13:01:00

I have no experience with this, so am not sure what to say that will help I just wanted to acknowledge your post.

Have you a partner, family or friends you can call on for help ? do they know you are feeling this way ? have you been to see the doctor.

Goldfish Sat 16-Apr-05 13:10:53

Same as golds, I have no experience of this. My friend has a daughter with an eating disorder and I know how desparate she is and I know you can't help how you are feeling. Is there no one you can talk to? Please see your doctor about how low you are feeling. He would surely try to help you and your dd. I hate to think of you feeling like this.

littlelamb Sat 16-Apr-05 13:23:58

i guess the idea of admitting this absolutely terrifies me. I'm studying at uni far away from all my family and dd's father, who knows about this but I don't think he knows how bad it is. My aunt is suffering terribly from anorexia and i can't burden my family with this as well, she is literally only about five stone and won't live much longer. I'm worried that with an obvious predisposition to eating disorders anyway, I am planting the seeds for my daughter to go the same way.

hunkermunker Sat 16-Apr-05 13:26:39

Sweetheart, if it's affecting how you're feeding your daughter, you really really need to get help - at 10 months, she will not be getting fat, but you might see her that way because you're not well. Please see your GP - or I'm sure that someone will be around who will know who else to suggest. Is your HV supportive [hopeful emoticon]?

I really hope you get the help you need very soon - you can see firsthand how serious it is if you don't with your aunt.

You need to look after yourself before you can look after DD too, hun xxxxxx

Goldfish Sat 16-Apr-05 13:38:57

The earlier you get help for yourself, the better you will feel about taking care of your dd. She is still so young. It must be hard on you to be studying, have your dd and be away from your family anyway. You have got to take care of yourself and ask for help asap. littlelamb eveyone on here will be concerned about you. I hope someone posts with more experience with this than me xxxxxx

Enid Sat 16-Apr-05 13:43:07

I am not surprised you can't get out of bed drinking coke and suger free jelly.

You will give your dd an eating disorder if you don't get some help.

Does your college have a counselling service you could try?

aloha Sat 16-Apr-05 13:44:25

You MUST see your GP. Nobody will take your baby away from you but they will help you. YOu can't be the kind of mother your baby needs if you don't get help - but you clearly love her and want to get better and that's wonderful. You sound dreadfully depressed and you can get help with this in the form of counselling and also medication. This is urgent so please make an appointment asap. Do you have a partner? Family? I think you need some help and support.

aloha Sat 16-Apr-05 13:45:09

And I'm sure your family will WANT to help you.

littlelamb Sat 16-Apr-05 13:46:51

I was in counselling at uni when I was pregnant because my family wouldn't talk to me but I cant bring myself to go back I guess a part of me thinks people won't believe me how can you have an eating disorder when you're so fat? DD goes to the campus nursery in the week but it just seems she's happier when she's there than when she's at home with me so she's probably better off without me anyway

mummytosteven Sat 16-Apr-05 13:47:20

you might find it useful to talk to the helpline for the eating disorders association:

their phone number is:- 0845 634 1414 (open till 4.30 pm today, closed tomorrow, 8.30 to 8.30 Monday to Friday)

and their web page is http://www.edauk.com/ and has a lot of information about eating disorder treatment in all areas of the country.

agree with HM that you need to seek help urgently from your GP and/or HV. if you can't face cooking for your DD then get baby food jars in.

Remember that you did manage to get out of the old habits you had as a teenager so you can do it again - try and think back to what helped when you were a teenager. If your family are supportive, please let them help you and your daughter out. Don't just soldier on alone.

aloha Sat 16-Apr-05 13:49:19

You are DEPRESSED. I'm not surprised. YOu've had a tough time. Please, please see your GP. Of course your counsellors will believe you.

mummytosteven Sat 16-Apr-05 13:49:20

and thinking that your child is better off without you is a classic symptom of severe depression. children are always affected by separation from/death of a parent.

jjash Sat 16-Apr-05 14:28:24

littlelamb- i really feel for you .I suffered from an eating disorder for years and still do at times in my head at least .You need some support and help if you feel it taking over again .Please speak to your doctor or counsellor

littlelamb Sat 16-Apr-05 20:41:08

ok so it may not sound much but I haven't been sick at all today and only did ten miles. As pathetic as that sounds it feels like a real achievement. I gave dd some chopped banana which she seemed to like. I don't want you to get the impression I'm not feeding her, because thats not the case at all I just don't trust myself to give her suitable things, like she loves rusks but I don't know how many is too many, she'd eat them all day if she could. My main worry is that I've realised that its important to me to know that she eats more than I do every day which makes me feel a total freak and worry about what she will grow up thinking. I also realised that sometimes maybe she's not willing to eat because she doesn't know how, I don't eat in front of her because that would mean she'd see me be sick too and I definately don't want her to see that. I know going to the doctor is the obvious solution but i just feel so pathetic and embarassed by my behaviour

Enid Sat 16-Apr-05 20:49:59

littlelamb, maybe your hv could give you a weekly food plan or some menus for your daughter, or we could on here I am sure.

Rusks are nice but they are quite high in sugar so I would say only occassionally. Does she like savoury foods like baby pasta, mushed veg?

Enid Sat 16-Apr-05 20:51:13

I have to back up what everyone on here has said about seeing your gp.

You obviously care a lot about your dd or you wouldn't be posting on here.

I think you have done well today not to be sick.

ambrosia Sat 16-Apr-05 20:53:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieQ Sat 16-Apr-05 20:54:30

If you don't eat in front of her, you will eventually be passing on your negative feelings about food to her that way, so for your daughter's sake if not your own, get help now.

If you don't know how much she should be eating, then buy a book on feeding children. Most of them give a list of the types of foods to give, and how big a serving to dish up. Even better, cook food for both of you so that she doesn't think that eating is something strange - and she will, if she doesn't see you eat.

But please get help, you know that you are ill.

stripey Sat 16-Apr-05 20:55:38

Do you give her jars of baby food. I am sure it is nutritionally sound at that age and would probably be healthier than rusks. Will she eat toast or breadsticks?

I really think you should try and see you HV or Doctor to get some help for yourself.

littlelamb Sat 16-Apr-05 20:57:58

a menu plan is a brilliant idea. The health visitors don't seem to be interested to tell the truth the baby clinic is at a time I can't make because of lectures and they seem very reluctant to make home visits. I give her the reduced sugar rusks but now I tend to give breadsticks but they're probably worse, lots of salt I imagine. I try not to read the labels of the food I give to her because I know I'd obsess over them. She'll eat pretty much anything its just the preparation that scares me i'd rather cook than give her jars but if I stay out of the kitchen i can avoid temptation. Its pathetic isn't it? I'm so mad at myself

Enid Sat 16-Apr-05 20:59:12

ok littlelamb, spill the beans, what would her daily food menu be and we'll see what we can do

littlelamb Sat 16-Apr-05 21:04:34

well i try to give her some breakfast before nursery, either a mashed banana or a fromage frais, but sometimes I don't have time. She has two bottles of milk at nursery as well as a full meal, always with some meat and veg, and pudding of fruit or custard or something, and fruit as a snack later. She doesn't seem hungry in the evening, I don't know if thats because she eats so much at nursrey or not. I try to cook something like broccoli in cheese sauce or some pasta. She likes fish fingers, peas and potatoes but I'm scared to give her potatoes. I'm so sorry I know how bad this sounds

merrygoround Sat 16-Apr-05 21:05:35

little lamb, if going to the GP is so difficult, then start with an anonymous phone service - maybe the Samaritans? It sounds like you are carrying so much anxiety and depression inside and talking to someone might help a bit. Perhaps talking to someone might help you to make a plan of action for how you are going to manage this situation - and I'm sure you CAN manage it, with the right support. I felt so sad when I read your post. As others have said everything you describe seems to point to serious depression, and until you get that treated you will continue to see things in distorted ways (eg your daughter being better off without you).

littlelamb Sat 16-Apr-05 21:08:44

I don't feel that all the time, just when she seems so unhappy to be with me. I just can't see how this will ever get better i'm sorry to be so negative but I'm only 21 and i feel that this is the only way i know how to live my life and it makes me feel so hopeless

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