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I think I'm going to have a termination - anyone with experience please help

(14 Posts)
LadyPinkofPinkerton Tue 27-Jan-09 21:26:57

I have just found out I am 6 weeks pg. Much as I have always liked the idea of 3 DC at the moment our financial situation is dire and we can't afford another child.

I also am not sure I could cope with being pg just now, and with having a baby in a few months time.

I would like to hear from anybody who has had a medical abortion, it sounds pretty painful etc. so I was wondering if I would be better having a surgical one.

Please let me know if you have had either procedure

wannabe10 Tue 27-Jan-09 21:32:04

I went for a medical one seven years ago. It was awful. If you would like to know exactly why and why I would never ever do it again cat me.
I would definately go for the surgical one......

TheBlues Tue 27-Jan-09 21:47:19

Had a surgical one at 8 weeks and it wasn't painful physically.Pretty uncomfortable for a few minutes during then bad cramping afterwards.Didn't have any complications physically.

It was horrible mentally though and I still think back to sitting with a cup of tea in a room full of unhappy women post procedure.

I would not have a termination again as it was for me a haunting decision.I'm sorry you are having to go through with this and hope all is better for you.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull Tue 27-Jan-09 21:50:32

I had a surgical termination nearly 20 years ago. The situation was such that I chose to have a General because I couldn't face the decision I had made.

It was the right thing for me at the time.
With hindsight I am not certain that I would make the same decision.

I would make sure you have had clear proper conversations with your DP and with an independent person.. there is no compromise and you have to be certain. (I am not anti - I just want you to be sure)

Molesworth Tue 27-Jan-09 21:59:04

I had a surgical termination under GA at 12 weeks (had to wait a seeming eternity for an NHS appointment). I have no experience of medical terminations but they certainly sound more traumatic than surgical ones, although if it's done very very early then I am guessing it wouldn't be too bad.

You should be given the opportunity to talk it over with a counsellor first - I am pro-choice but my own experience was very traumatic (emotionally, not physically) and as such I'd say that you need to feel as certain as it's possible to feel that termination is the right course of action for you and your family. My decision was based in part on economic factors, and with hindsight I don't think that was a good enough reason as I was made redundant not long afterwards in any case.

Good luck whatever you decide to do, and I'm so sorry you find yourself in this awfully difficult situation

hobbgoblin Tue 27-Jan-09 22:03:17

I've been half there with this baby, as you know and hence I seriously wouldn't recommend it. Very scary, and painful. I also had the equivalent of a medical termination following a missed miscarriage. Psychologically that was hepful for me to see my baby so I could say goodbye, but it was a truly unpleasant and painful experience. My second miscarriage (again, missed) I opted for surgical removal in France and it was far better overall, although I didn't say 'goodbye' because physically it was much, much easier.

Also bear in mind that you are likely to be at home when you expel the pregnancy and I know it can be very shocking.

LadyPinkofPinkerton Wed 28-Jan-09 20:01:07

Thank you all for your replies. When I read about medical abortion I really didn't like the idea of it much.

I think at least with the surgical option it is over and done with and you don't have to wait for it to happen.

Wannabe I don't have CAT. Could you email me at andimclachlan at hotmail dot com. I would appreciate hearing your experience

LadyPinkofPinkerton Fri 30-Jan-09 12:36:18

Wannabe10 - How many weeks were you when you had the abortion

clarabell16 Sat 31-Jan-09 22:04:37

Had a medical at 7 weeks. I didnt find it painful i have to say, but you are very 'aware' of what is happening without going into details, and that can be very haunting afterward. Then again i was not 100% sure about my decision, just the usual finances, practicalities getting in the way.

wannabe10 Sat 31-Jan-09 22:11:16

I was seven/ eight weeks.
It didn't work.
I bled everywhere and when I went for the follow up scan there was a heartbeat.
I then lost my son at eight months.
My mum insists it was karma.
I have NEVER got over it and only scattered his ashes six months ago. It was soul destroying. I would never ever advocate abortions like this and I am pro choice. Have a surgical one.....

Mummyfor3 Sat 31-Jan-09 22:19:59

LadyPink, you do not sound very sure about not continuing this pregnancy; if I am reading you wrong, please ignore me. I do not want to add more hurt to a very difficult situation for you.

IME, women deal well with whatever decision they make, if they make that decision for the "right" reasons. By that I do NOT mean to suggest you continue with pregnancy (as woman who have unwanted children can suffer terribly, and of course the children), but try and look further than the next few months. If your family is complete, then do not have a child that may end up resented. On the other hand, if it is a matter of timing, make sure you have explored all options.

I work with women who have/plan to have/had terminations and it is very sad how many suffer, sometimes years and decades later, as they regret decisions they cannot undo - and, again, that could mean continuing or not continuing the pregnancy. I am very much pro choice, please do not feel judged. Quite obviously as a perfect stranger on an on-line forum I can only give a very general opinion.

BTW, what got my alarm bells ringing, was you considering surgical termination as the preferred option because it is "over and done with" - do not be tempted to try and carry on as if this pregnancy had not happened after a termination. It does really often come back to haunt people. Medical termination is statistically safer and will protect future fertility - although, yes, of course STOP if safe, too.

Right, I will butt out now. I really hope, I have not cause any offense to you or anybody else on this thread. Good luck to you, whatever your decision. I hope all will go well for you.

Mummyfor3 Sat 31-Jan-09 22:21:38

wannabe10, I am so sorry for you. Apologies for the cross posting.
I hope you will be able to recover from your experience.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Sat 31-Jan-09 22:23:38

I had a surgical termination at 11 weeks under general anaesthetic. It was emotionally painful but not physically really....I could compare it to a heavy period.
I definately feel I made the right decision....I was at university, no money, no partner etc etc. I still think about it though from time to time.
I have no experience of medical terminations as by the time the NHS got its ass into gear it was too late for me to have one. Go with your instincts.

thisisyesterday Sat 31-Jan-09 22:27:43

I have had a surgical one, was about 8 weeks pg at the time. I had a GA too
I knew there was no way I would cope with having to deal with it at home and taking pills and all that. I wanted to be knocked out and then come round and it was all done with.

it was absolutely fine. I went to a BPAS clinic and the staff there was outstanding. I would highly recommend them
I did not have to pay, i think because my GP referred me on mental health grounds

sorry if I sound blase, with recommendations and the like.
it is an incredibly hard decision to make, the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life so far. but it was the right decision for me at the time and I do not regret it

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