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new and lonely

(21 Posts)
bee45 Mon 26-Jan-09 09:51:55

hi im new to mn and havent posted on this bit bfor but after reading a few threads i felt that i could open up more. i too am very lonely like a few other people here. i just dont know how to make new friends my kids at secondary school and just moved to area so hard to meet other parents of school kids. what do you do to meet new people. iv tried volunteering and doing adult ed classes
i just realise how many mainly, mums are sitting at home being lonely it seems such a shame what should we all do!

Watoose Mon 26-Jan-09 09:58:19

Hello Bee and welcome smile

pickupthismess Mon 26-Jan-09 10:00:21

Hi bee.

Sorry to hear you're lonely. I's hard when you move to a new area - God knows I've moved so many times I know how you feel.

My suggestions:
If your kids are in secondary school
1) get a part-time job. It's one of the best ways to get a social life and fill your day.
2) don't want to work; take a full time educational course (maybe to retrain/learn a new skills)as opposed to adult ed classes.
3) continue volunteering but pick a sociable outlet for this
4) don't know if you're in a city or a town but there will be loads of groups on in the day - walking group, running group, language group etc etc

Bump for other ideas.

OneLieIn Mon 26-Jan-09 10:00:47

hi bee, welcome! Well done on posting - instead of just lurking. We are a friendly lot

Where abouts in the world are you?

bee45 Mon 26-Jan-09 10:06:08

im south west live near the sea so its alovely place but everyone seems sorted already lots of little jobs taken i have applied for a pt job but wot do do in the holidays dont think i cld just work term time but if get interview will ask its at the local library. my youngest is 9 so sorry meant to say she still primary school. im losing my brain and fed up sitting in cafs on my own. feel tears coming again oh no

LightShinesInTheDarkness Mon 26-Jan-09 10:17:49

Oh no, don't cry - wish there was an emoticon for a MN-hug!

It must be so hard for you but you can change your life - maybe you have to do a little bit at a time rather than feel overwhelmed that everything is useless.

ClementFreudsGreatestAdmirer Mon 26-Jan-09 10:22:38

i joined a choir - that's very sociable. see if there's one near you. singing (even if you don't think you can!) is very good for the soul. This is a useful starting point.

so sorry you are feeling lonely and consequently sad. it does take time to get enmeshed in a new area, no matter what avenues you take up. but it will happen, gradually. i think the fact that you are so aware of it means you will resolve it more quickly than you otherwise might, which is a good thing!

bee45 Mon 26-Jan-09 10:26:01

thank you i feel silly now. I have changed my life in that i have moved but this means my dh works away mon to thurs. i do much prefer it to where i did live i suppose im just goin through what loads of women do. mid life kinda thing . was same tbh wher i used to live it seems that if you dont have the support to go back to work you kind of get left behind as kids grow up . i think its called reinventing yourself. havent quite got there yet , thanks for support, will sort stuff out and go out and buy big cake and coffee

ClementFreudsGreatestAdmirer Mon 26-Jan-09 10:27:44

bee you sound lovely! enjoy cake. i find listening to my ipod cheers me up no end.

GooseyLoosey Mon 26-Jan-09 10:28:11

Without saying exactly where you are in the SW - how far are you from say Bristol as I know there are quite a few MN people who live in the SW.

bee45 Mon 26-Jan-09 10:43:10

nearer to exeter. thank you so much for replying . will haul my sorry ars out for a coffee. stop staring into space and sort the washing out. there is always so much sorting to do! moving one pile from one corner swapping it with another pile etc etc .will continue on quest for adult company and friends

DumbledoresGirl Mon 26-Jan-09 10:48:51

Hello bee. I am hoping 45 is your age because that will make you about the same age as me. I have done a lot of moving home in my time and I have older children now so do not meet people in the playground in the same way as you do when you have little ones. I would say it takes me about 3-4 years to feel part of a place, which is good news for me as I am coming up to having been here for 4 years) but it does get harder as your children get older.

I hope you have some luck getting a job that suits. I am sure that (and time) will be the answer to your loneliness.

<Oh and just wanted to say hello to GooseyLoosey - long time no speak. I am on a new computer and don't have your contact address anymore but if you would like to email me, that would be nice - no pressure though>

DumbledoresGirl Mon 26-Jan-09 10:50:19

Sorry my post doesn't read very well. I need to engage my brain next time before posting.

bee45 Mon 26-Jan-09 10:56:05

thanks dumbledore i am 45 and have only been here about a year so iv a way to go! yr post reads fine my brain disengaged a long time ago !

GooseyLoosey Mon 26-Jan-09 11:31:48

Exeter is a long way from me unfortunately. One friend of mine found a book club and joined that - she made at least one very good friend as a result. What about the WI? Now don't laugh - I am not a jam maker or bun maker myself, however I know a lot of women where I live who are members and also do niether - and even if you hate all of them, it is an easy thing to join and IME the other members are usually very clued in to other things going on in the community so it is a good way to find out what other options there might be.

<Hi DG - nice to "see you", will try and find your contact details (not very organised about such things) as would be my pleasure to e-mail you>

morningsun Mon 26-Jan-09 11:34:57

Hi bee,snap i am also 45 and[supposed to be ] in the process of reinventing myself!
So far have only got as far as some very basic slightly smarter clothes!
So that leaves the cv,"selling myself" etc not done yet...
I also have older dcs and one younger and seem to have been picking up socks since time immemorial!
I could do with someone to compare notes with while i try to get back into outside world if you're up for that?
club 45 ish anyone?

DumbledoresGirl Mon 26-Jan-09 14:49:23

Do let in people who are actually only 44?wink

Dh and I had yet another talk yesterday about my job prospects. Having decided I definitely do not want to return to my career pre-kids (teaching) I now feel

a) unqualified to do anything else
b) paradoxically, overqualified to do anything else (not that that bothers me, but I feel it would bother employers)
c) been out of the workplace too long
d) know no-one who could give me a reference
e) can't quite see how I can go back to work and still run my house and continue the dossy life-style to which I am accustomed

but f) (most importantly) don't want to be a SAHM by the time my children leave home as the empty nest syndrome will probably kill me.

Sorry to hijack thread with my own concerns. But your feelings brought mine to the surface yet again.

bee45 Mon 26-Jan-09 15:08:58

hi been out for daily coffee now back and not looking forward to school run. so good to kno im not only one feelin like this. i also have dossy life style and got used to it i want to work but i dont ? club 40 plus i like! did post recently that i am officially 'economically inactive ' that is box i ha d to tick in adult ed class for sad quest to make new friends. really i just want to ;get out, have a laugh, compare notes, moan , relate,sympathise,advise,drink wine,eat donuts,stare into space,not pick socks up ever again, shall i put that on my cv?

siriusmewsaysochayethenoo Mon 26-Jan-09 15:13:46

Hey bee! I'm in the south west too. Near Barnstaple. Anywhere near you?

bee45 Mon 26-Jan-09 16:13:26

no im nearer to dorchester phew back from school run should be thinking up tea things.but stuck back on mn. im a bad mother(strangely wanted to add swear word there).!!
cant wait till spring n summer want to perfect leather faced look on beach. am getting brown spots tho. i hear barnstable is v nice. im not from sw tho. u? ochaythe noo? i can really relate to wot u say dumbledor. oh well another unproductive day not shouted at kids yet must hold things together till bedtime.wish me luck

pickupthismess Mon 26-Jan-09 20:18:34

bee, what about the PTA. Volunteering to help out at a school 'anything' usually brings you into contact with loads of people.

Re term time only jobs. They don't pay well but they're out there. What did you do before kids?

Don't be miserable. It'll get better. I've moved loads of times as I said - at least you're in a lovely part of the world. One example from my own life; we moved abroad and DH had to head off straight away to another city 300 miles to work for three weeks. I was in a foreign country, people didn't speak English and I knew absolutely noone. There was no expat culture so I knew I had to make friends with the locals. Boy was I miserable. One night I sat in a restaurant on my own and a woman came up to me and invited me to a book club. Within a year, I had the best social life I have ever had. You never know how you will make your social contacts.

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