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Where's my post gone?

(5 Posts)
jollymum Tue 05-Apr-05 07:47:16

Posted last night, feeling very sad. Two posts and they're not there. I need some help, I'm not sure if Relate can help or if I want them to help. I involved the kids last night and feel so guilty, ie: when me and daddy divorce, who do you want to live with It was a two two split, which is what I had predicted. We've been arguing on holiday and I told my little girl that she doesn't love me only Daddy, 'cos she s a daddy's girl and that I had read her norte about us being divorced and that she wanted to live with daddy. I told her she'd broken my heart and feel sooo bad this morning. Where do I go, I've seen a nurse at the docs and physicvally I'm fine, she says. Bloods etc ok, blood pressure ok, but do you know, I don't think I've ever been really happy. Something always comes and spoils whatever I have. My ex told me once, whilst arguing, that he could give me the moon and it wouldn't help. I think I've forgotton how to have fun, honestly, when the kids are playing, I'm the one holding their coats and watching out for them. I'm really jumpy as well, and my oldest says I care too much My temper is appalling, I drink too much and I'm scared that I might myself or accidently let fly at the kids. My dh has a temper too, drink induced and it's like he's a different person. I wrote him a five page letter last year, saying things had to change otherwise we would split up. I've just re-read it and nothing has. There is so much anger in this house and I'm so sad.

Fio2 Tue 05-Apr-05 07:50:39

it sounds like your relationship is making you unhappy, maybe once you have made that break you can slowly start to feel better in yourself.

starlover Tue 05-Apr-05 11:34:49

oh jollymum it sounds like you're having such a hard time right now.
I know what you mean about never being happy... and can relate to having the moon and it still not being better... but you know, it isn't about giving things, it's about changing your life a bit so that you can be happy.

I don't really know anything about you... have you been diagnosed with depression? because it sounds like you are depressed. I know a lot of people hate starting on anti-depressants (i was one of them), but sometimes they just give you a lift, make things seem clearer so taht you can work out what it is that is making you unhappy and work on fixing that.

I think you should go back to your GP, and tell him/her exactly what you have written on here. They can also refer you to a counsellor which would give you someone to talk to about stuff, and hopefully help you work out what do to.

I think the problems with your family are symptoms of the sadness that you feel. Sometimes when people feel very depressed they "project" these feelings onto others around them and it sounds like that's what is happening.

If you have MSN you are more than welcome to chat with me rj_android@hotmail.com

sadtoo Tue 05-Apr-05 11:52:15

Oh Jolly mum - you sound like me in a lot of ways but under different circumstances. Luckily I have a supporting, loving husband most of the time. I am under so much stress - always trying to be everything to everyone and not looking after my own needs. Last night I flew of the handle and sent the kids to bed. I felt so guilty afterwards and was going to start a thread but felt so bad that I just couldn't bring myself to log on.

I went to counselling last year because I have so much baggage and promised I would go back but so far haven't because I suppose I am afraid of finding out something about myself that I don't want to know. I know that sounds daft but...... Having said that I did find the counselling really good and still use some the techniques the counsellor gave me, if I think of them in time before I let things get in the way first.

Like you I feel as if I have forgoten how to have fun and my kids have come right out and said it. Sometimes when they are joking about doing something they are not supposed to I take it seriously and they say "can you not take a joke". At one stage not to long ago they asked me if I had forgoten how to smile.

I'm sorry I have not advice to give and I am sorry if I hijacked your thread but I will keep watch because someone may come up with advice for the both of us.

bubba78 Tue 05-Apr-05 18:02:19

hi jollymum and sadtoo, please excuse me adding my pennies-worth, but having had similar feelings of anger, deep unhappiness in my marriage/life, not enjoying motherhood in the slightest and thinking I was the only one to feel these feelings, I wanted you to know that you're not alone (as you may realise when you read many of the messages on mumsnet). I went to see my doc because I knew what I was feeling (or not feeling sometimes) just wasn't right. They did put me on AD's and my husband and I did go to relate (twice!). For me, the AD's helped me to feel 'normal' and then I was able to see the wood for the trees a little better. Then the counselling did the rest. Don't get me wrong, we still have our bad patches - many. But the counselling helped us listen to each other and hear how the other one was feeling - something you don't have time for at home. It became a safe place outside of the home, where we had the chance to say what we liked (without being able to sling abuse at each other and storm out). When we feel ourselves reaching these crisis points now, we book an emergency babysitter so that we can go out and talk & listen to each other - we take turns. Counselling gave us the tools to learn how to do this. Before we went to relate, we'd already decided to go our own seperate ways, so we had nothing to loose. I don't know if your husband would agree to come with you or not, but even if he doesn't, please try and pluck up the courage to go yourself (they see individuals too), because you need a whole heap of support, whether go through this on your own or together. With hugs, understanding and support xxx

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