Have just had huge arguememt with dh and am feeling down and confused.
Quick background.Have a ds 4 and a dd 2.
Have been agrophobic for over a year now was on ad's but came off them as they made me feel numb and dh did'nt agree with me taking them.
Am currently seeing a CBT therapist for anxiety and am working through going out as it has become a problem now ds will be starting school in sept.
Have no support nearby my parents died a few years ago and mil lives away and is not very supportive physically or mentally.
Anyway the upshot of the arguement was because i informed my dh that my therapist and health visitor were coming round next week to discuss the situation and wanted to meet my dh
Unfortunatly he will be awy for a few days next week with work so i will be seeing them on my own.
When i told him about the visit he went mad and said there is no problem with ds it's me who has the F--king problem and that i am not a mother to my children because i can't take ds to school,i don't take them out,i don't look after the house,it's a shithole according to him,problems with ds potty training,delayed speech ,all down to me.
But the worse thing was when he said i have'nt grieved for my parents and that is the problem and went about shouting at me that "your mum and dad are dead" and to deal with it and face reality.He kept saying this over and over and saying just because you don'nt have a mum and dad don't make the rest of us suffer.
Followed by some choice name calling and when i broke down he shouted downstairs "where are you now with your blubbering" stop feeling sorry for yourself.
All this was alcohol induced which is another big problem and a whole new thread.
I am sitting here now going over things thinking i can't take this anymore.I feel i have no support apart from the therapist who is trying her best to help me and doctor and hv advising i go back on the ad's but my dh just does'nt think i need them and i am fine when most days i hate myself and think what a bad mother i am and him keep telling me that only confirms my thoughts.
I seem to be getting nowhere with the therapy as soon as i move forward my dh puts me back to square one again.
I am frightened to really tell the hv how i am feeling because of the children ,so every day is one long battle and putting on a act.
My niece is visiting tomorrow and am thinking i have got to hold it together when she comes round when i reeally just feel like sobbing my heart out.
When i talked to mil she just said your not deoressed, i had pnd and let me tell you you would'nt be able to function.
But that's the point i just exsist most days for my kids sake and force myself to do things when inside i feel scared for the future.
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Mental health
IS IT ME?
12 replies
lovemummy · 04/04/2005 22:53
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