tablets or not?

[MrsMiggins]

Hi...been wanting to post for ages but feel so stupid. Finally rang HV today & burst into tears on phone - she practically came straight round. I have 2 children (1 under 12 mths & over 3yrs) Been feeling like this since Christmas. I cry at the drop of a hat; I find it a struggle to get motivated; DH works away all week or comes home late at night so no help with the kids. etc etc. HV and GP say I have PND. Should I take the AD? DH is now worrying that his lack of being around during the week is the cause but not practical to move at the moment. I'm scared to take AD as you read that they are adictive. only plus is I'll have to stop drinking wont I so I will lose some weight.

[colditzmum]

Prozac is not addictive, and it really really helped me. go for it, I would, I remember how bad it feels to be depressed.

[mummytosteven]

what has the GP recommended? have they suggested counselling as well as ADs or instead of ADs. Do you feel it is more a case of being completely knackered and needing practical help rather than being depressed as such?

In terms of ADs - the official position is that they aren't addictive but that you can get withdrawal symptoms if you come off them cold turkey, so it would be wise to say half your dose for a few weeks before coming off completely. ADs are likely to take a couple of weeks to start working, and a couple of months to take full effect. Re:drinking. Drinking is a depressant so wise to avoid it anyway if you are feeling down - with modern ads you don't have to quite drinking completely, but wise to take it very carefully/moderately, in case you have any problems (like getting drunk a lot more quickly) if combining alcohol with ADs

[MrsMiggins]

my GP says I defintely have PND and has given me Lustral. She says it is non-addictive and in a few weeks/months I will realise how bad I felt. She also thinks it's possible it has been in the background since birth of DS (3)

If nothing else I now feel people are listening to me - ringing the HV this morning really was a cry for help. I have a lot on my plate & so yes, it could just be exhaustion but I just cant snap out of it.

That makes me feel more guilty as I feel people are thinking "just get on with it - what have you to moan about".

I just feel that the way I react to DH at the moment is not me - I feel irrational and weepy & I hate it. I thought it would go away but after 4 mths I just need something /someone to help me.

I will try the ADs and see what happens. I just cannot carry on as I am.

As sad/stupid as it sounds, just recently I have been driving along (no kids in car I hasten to add) thinking if I just drive slowly into that ditch, it would be enough to put me in hospital for a rest. You cant believe how ashamed that makes me feel.

[paolosgirl]

I was in a similar situation to you, and was quite reluctant to take AD's when I was prescribed them - but they were the best things ever. I had Prozac, only took it for a short while, but it helped me to get back onto an even keel so I was able to cope better.

[MrsMiggins]

worse thing is that I have just gone back to work part time and people think it is either "cant bear to be parted from kids" or I need to get a cleaner.
if only life were that simple!

DR says its chemical inbalance which is not my fault and will get better in time.

All I can say is thank goodness that particular HV answered the phone & my actual GP had an appointment. They have been brilliant today & not made me feel I should "pull myself together"

I also have my parents living near by & they've been brilliant too.

[mummytosteven]

I'm sure we've all had weird thoughts like that at some time (like hospitalisation meaning a nice rest!!!). Didn't mean to sound like I was suggesting that all you needed was a good night out/to hire a cleaner to perk you up- just wondered if you were sceptical as to whether you did have PND due to the way you phrased it - but I obviously misread you.

[starlover]

MrsMiggins... I was on Lustral for 2 years and it really really helped me. They are not addictive, although when you come off them you should do it gradually.
I think you have made the right choice. When I was first prescribed anti-depressants 5 years ago I refused to take them, but I am glad I did in the end. They just lift that fog, they make you see things clearer... and that lets you deal with the underlying problems.

I used to do the same thing driving along. So please don't think you're mad or anything! well, if you are then I am too!

And I am glad that you have a good support network round you. That is the most important thing

[bubba78]

likewise...have been on Cipramil for PND for both my children - thought I'd escaped it second time round as it didn't kick in until he was about 10/11 months old. And Dr has just double my dose as its got worse recently - can relate to all your feelings. I can remember lying in bed one night listening to my youngest girgling and I was convinced he was choking/dying (he wasn't). Instead of leaping up to 'save' him, I just carried on laying there and looked at the clock so that when the coroner arrived, I'd be able to tell them what the 'time of death' was...I honestly thought it'd be better for both of us if he had died. Took me a long time to say that out loud, but when I did, I realised that many more mums had similar feelings. You'll know they're doing some good when you suddenly realise how crap you had been feeling. good luck xx

[MrsMiggins]

mummytosteven - you were right in wondering whether I am questioning myself about PND. I just dont know TBH.

I didnt go into work yesturday as I couldnt face bursting into tears again & my manager told me not to rush back. I've only been back at work 5 weeks and I just seem to spend half the day in the toilets crying.

DH was away on business on Monday night so he said we'd talk about it last night when he got home. DH seemed cross when I said I hadnt been into work. Asked what Id done all day and then told me that I was moping and feeling sorry for myself since being told I had PND !! We then didnt really speak for the next hr & went to bed at 9.30pm.
This morning he has watched me struggling as usual to get 2 kids & myself ready for nursery & work and then kissed me goodbye & toddled off to work.

This is my dilema.
Is it PND or just utter exhaustion.
I do EVERYTHING for the kids during the week as he leaves early & comes home after they're in bed, or stays away on business. When DD was 5 weeks old (DS 2 1/2) he went to America on business for nearly 2wks.
On top of that I have returned to work part time to a new section & completely new job.

Someone at work told me I was not depressed, just needed a cleaner (if only life were that simple)
My DH and DM think I need to carry on as normal (not sure either of them think I need tablets but just need to pull myself together) DM looks disapprovingly at me when I talk about a cleaner.
DH tells me not to bother cooking & use ready meals and not to bother ironing - most of the ironing is his bloody work shirts which he never does.

I know some people will read this & think just tell your DH to help more but he is tired from working such long days.

This morning I just want to run away and dont even want to take the kids - thats what scares me most. I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep.

I'm just fed up of trying to be supermum.

However although it looks like utter exhaustion rather than PND, why do I still cry when DH IS actually helping at the weekends?

sorry to moan....just helps sometimes to get your thoughts together.
Thanks for your comments....

[MrsMiggins]

p.s bubba78
I'm like that with DD - she was crying last night after I put her down but I was reading to DS. It did go quiet but I realised in the middle of the night that I had not gone & checked she'd fallen asleep OK.
Then she woke up coughing & I just lay there listening to her choking thinking "I'm just too tired to get up"
I'm short-tempered and have to pinch myself to stop myself shouting at kids & DH for no real reason. Yesturday I cried in the car cos DS told me he wanted to go to nanny's house as our house was boring....how stupid is that.

[mummytosteven]

from what you have said I would say that it is worth giving the ADs a try but at the same time trying to figure out how to make you day to day life easier, and where exactly you need help. i.e. whether it's work/commute/childcare/housework that's getting you down. it could be that there is an interaction between you feeling exhausted and feeling depressed - sort of a vicious circle. depression and in particular anxiety always gets worse when you're feeling tired.

in terms of cooking, if you make monster portions and freeze them then you would only have to cook a few times a week. just I don't think that ready meals are necessarily the answer in terms of additives etc, and that eating healthily will help you feel a bit better.

could you afford an au-pair/tea-time girl? would you feel better or worse if you weren't at work/found a different job? I really think that your HV should have a chat to your DH to give him a kick up the backside, so that he's a bit more sympathetic.

[survivour]

Mrsmiggins, Hi there, You have taken the first step.....You know there is something wrong, and you want to tackle it. Everything you write rings true here. AD's are good but only for a little while, in my case I just shut down and did nothing, once I came off them, the same problems were still there. I'm now under counselling, just talking, not getting anywhere fast....BUT, I nolonger get in the car and look for a large truck that I can drive into. I think we all need to put things in perspective, LIFE IS TOO SHORT anyway!!!!!!!When I'm feeling down, which I still do, I remember peope less fortunate than myself. I need 4 injections of insulin a day, just to live, I have diabetic neuropathy, I'm losing the sensations in my hands and feet, they are in constant pain. My 3rd baby boy was born 6 weeks prem, his intestines were outside his belly, he had 4 defects of his heart (tetralogy of fallots), was tube fed for 7 weeks, while still in hospital, while there he had a facial stroke (7th nerve cranial palsy). I bought him home just before he was 2 months old...he had blue spells at home (like epileptic fits) he would convulse, stiffen up and got a dark shade of blue then pass out, I nearly lost him on 01.01.03, he had 10 blue spells in less than 24 hours. He had a 5 hour open heart surgery at Great Ormond Street hospital on 18th February 2003. I never let him out of my sight, he is now almost 3. He dose not sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time, and I am completely exhausted, older boys are 10 and 8. I bought them in to this world....It was my choice... I have no right to leave them without a mother!!!!!!!!!!!!I tell myself this every morning... I prise myself out of bed, straight to my plastic box with its see through lid, to take my tablets, insulin and anything else in there, so I can face another day....It is hard, but we will get you through this, I promise...Sorry for the rant...... didn't know where that came from, I just want you to know that you are not alone....I had read this through again, I'm wandering, should I post it or not? Yes, something is telling me I need to do this, if you are close by, either Surrey way or North London, (have family there), we could meet up, if only listen to you, to give you a shoulder to cry on... keep posting... the other sane people on here are great....and give very good advice, they know who they are..... all my love, take care...

[bubba78]

Sounds like there are many mummys that are battling through life right now. Survivor...that name well and truly fits you by the sound of things - life's so bloody tough sometimes. Mrs Miggins you need some real support too at the moment, whether its physcial or medical. The way I look at it is, if you were suffering with high blood pressure, you would have to take a tablet to help it. If you're suffering with PND, you need medication to help - I'm not suggesting its the solution to your problems (although for some people it has to be), but it will give you the chance to bring your head above water for a while and enable you to put some solutions in place to manage the long term. If you're not suffering from PND then you won't feel any differnce (as you won't have a chemical inbalance to balance - if that makes sense???!). You have nothing to loose but maybe quite alot to gain. I only realised how plop plop I was feeling when I did start taking my 'mental' pills. It makes the difference as to whether or not I can function properly through the day, without loosing the plot with kids and hating the husband. xx.

[dot1]

I'd say go for the Lustral - dp took it when she had PND after the birth of ds1 and it did the trick - they weren't addictive and she was off them within about 6 - 9 months I think (this was about 3 years ago). She's had them again recently for depression again and again they really helped lift it. She'll probably come off them over the next few months. From what I remember there were no horrible side effects coming off them and certainly none for her while she's been on them. To be honest they were a godsend for our family getting back on its feet so I'd go for it, as it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when depression sets in, and Lustral for dp started to help within 2 weeks of her starting to take them.

Good luck

[hsanders]

Do not be afraid to take anti-depressants. I have had a severe bout of depression over two years ago now, and only thanks to AD's did I get better. The one thing I would say is that as soon as you feel ready [and you'll know when this is as it'll just happen really], start taking some exercise. Don't join a gym or anything that costs money. Take the baby in the buggy and go for a long, fast/quick walk. That will help get your mood up and then eventually you can come off the AD's.

I was worried that I'd have PND after giving birth 9 weeks ago, after a terrible pregnancy. However, and I honestly mean this, I have never felt so well. Tired..of course..but really well - and it's down to exercise.

So whilst I did not want to get help or admit to having depression or take AD's at all, you will and can feel better.

Hope you feel better soon.

[hsanders]

PS. MrsMiggins - please do not feel ashamed about feeling low and not being able to cope. Having a period of being down or low is nothing to be ashamed of and more common than you think.

If you do decide to take the ADs, they may take a couple of weeks before you start to feel better, but you will.

We are all here to help you.

[hsanders]

PPS. (sorry - things keep coming into my head)..there is a help line that may assist and it's specifically for post-natal depression or Mums who feel like things are getting on top of them...

They are called Mothers for Mothers but I cannot find their details.

I shall have a look and post again tomorrow.

[MrsMiggins]

Unfortunately unlike most peoples DHs, mine is very unsupportive.
Since seeing the doctor at beginning of week, he has been very standoffish and told me in no uncertain terms that I wasnt depressed until doctor told me I was. He thinks I should be at work this week and cant understand why if I dont go, I havent been doing housework etc all day. Now I'm beginning to think he's right & I am just feeling sorry for myself.
My self esteem is rock bottom & has been for a few months now. I have been overeating & cant face exercise when usually I go 3 times a week.
(I'm about a stone over weight but some of that may be post baby). I am convinced he's having an affair when he stays away overnight which is beginning to annoy him and making me miserable.

He works very late so isnt around to help at all during the week. At the weekend he always manages a lie-in, gets up late & then reads the paper for an hour. He rarely gives me a lie-in and if he does, it is usually under duress.
Maybe I'm not depressed and just need to get rid of DH.
I do feel that although my parents "say" the believe me, they too think I should just pull myself together.
I have one friend who has had PND and she says I have classic feelings/symptoms etc and that taking ADs will enable me to get better. I just dont want to burden her all the time but I do feel better when we've had a chat. I feel she isnt judging me or telling me I've nothing to be depressed about.
If you break your arm, the X-ray confirms the symptoms, and a plaster caste shows the world that you have broken your arm.
When you are depressed, it's only a doctor's opinion, and if you smile even some of the time, people think you're OK.

enough wallowing....

[mummytosteven]

your DH sounds inordinately selfish to me. please leave him with both kids all day this weekend, and yell at him if he hasn't done any housework.

and who is better at deciding if you are depressed? the doctor or him.

has your DH always been like this? by some mysterious chance was his mum an SAHM with an immaculate house who never expected him to lift a finger?

[dot1]

you can't help depression - it's an illness, like you can't help getting chicken pox or the flu or whatever! If the doctor's recommended Lustral, please give it a go - within a couple of weeks you'll be able to think clearer about your situation with your husband - when you're depressed it's too difficult to think about anything. If Lustral doesn't suit you the doctor will be able to give you something different, but please give it a go - it was awful seeing dp struggle with her depression, particularly the first time after the birth of ds1, and one of the things about depression is that you can't see it for yourself! I had to nag and hassle her to go to the GP and eventually got her to come to baby clinic with me where she quietly cried in the waiting area and was of course then seen straight away by our fab GP. If your DH isn't being supportive that's dreadful, but maybe you'll have to take our word for it that you should go to your docs again and give it a go!

(hope I'm not sounding too naggy - I just feel really strongly about this as I can see from the outside what depression can do and how the quicker you start the tackle it the better...)

[MrsMiggins]

yes his mum didnt work & no-one did anything round the house...still dont. When we go to visit no-one helps - she is on her feet all day fetching & carrying for everyone. Even his sister does nothing.
I think I have facilitated his laziness a little but it's different when you have no children or only one. Two are much harder.
To be fair, his job has changed a little since we had DS(eldest) He didnt work so late when he was a baby and was able to help more.
Even so, I just feel at the moment that the kids & me are one family and he is the lodger.
Maybe depression scares him and this is his way of dealing with it.
More likely he has zero tolerance of certain things....

I just want a little support....is that too much to ask?
Right now all I want it a hug but I've had nothing as he is clearly angry with me.

Of course, if it was his computer or car that was sick, he'd be reading up about it or trying to fix it....infact only last week I said that work were trying to help me by sending me on a course but I needed to discuss childcare options. He got cross with me as his car had been playing up on the way home & he was searching the internet for clues.
That was more important than my job...yet this week my job is v v important - because I'm not going in.
He also thinks I shouldnt have told work that DR says I have PND & am on ADS - I have to - if I didnt, work might put more pressure on me etc etc
Just cant win.

I just want to go away to the seaside with my 2 adorable angels and leave him in the house with the computer, beer & takeaways.

My children are gorgeous (I know everyone thinks that) but I mean they dont play up or cause me grief. Both very placid and DS (3) is so affectionate. "You're a really nice mummy" he keeps saying....thank god for them
It is the only thing keeping me going at the moment.

[hsanders]

MrsMiggins - glad that you are taking the ADs and also that you have been honest with work.

I do not agree that your husband is being selfish - without knowing him, I think it is a case that is often the case with depression or PND, people do not understand it, and quite often do not want to, as it's simply not the same as a broken arm. That's a physical thing and people can see that it's possible they may break their arm. However in our society, people do not want to admit that they may have depression or know anyone who does.

If your husband is not supporting you, then find others who can. I understand that yor parents 'say' they understand but you're not convinced. Again I believe that this is the same as your husband. It's hard for people to imagine or empathise with you unless they've had it.

Your GP sounds as though s/he is supporting you so perhaps see them each week. Perhaps ask for a referral for soomeone to talk with.

Perhaps ask GP for details re: Mothers for Mothers as I cannot find the details. Perhaps call your GP for a telephone appointment and speak to him/her about this?

[MrsMiggins]

thanks for your posts. Helps to see things from other angles or hear other peoples experiences.

hsanders
I was right about my parents view - shortly after writing my post this morning, my mother rang to see how I was. She ended up by implying that I just needed to get on with the housework etc and that I was being unfair expecting DH to do any housework as he works full time.

She then came round and we had a long chat. She said (as you) that maybe DH doesnt want to discuss possibility of PND and so his way of dealing with it is to "bully" (my word not hers) me into snapping out of it.

I think you're right about people finding it hard to understand. Ironically about 3 yrs ago there was a girl at work my age who was off work with PND for about 6 months. Her kids went to nursery as normal and she just lay around the house. At the time I remembering not understanding especially the fact her kids were at nursery and she just sat at home.

I feel a little better this afternoon but am dreading DH coming home as it will either us avoiding discussing it or end up in an argument.
My friend who understands rang this morning and suggested perhaps I write my feelings down for DH to read....not sure I can face rejection if he declines to read or it makes him angry. Dont get me wrong - DH v laid back person which is probably why his reaction makes things worse. Normally he is very supportive emotionally even if he isnt physically....if you see what I mean....

[hsanders]

Completely understand where you are in terms of your DH - perhaps write your feelings down as this is often easier to get what you want communicated - and then let him know it's there as and when he wants to read it. PND and depression is hard for all affected, so perhaps let him have time to come terms with it. See it this way - if you had another illness, let's say flu or whatever, your DH would probably be v supportive because as you say, he's normally emotionally there for you. PND is different as I said before - and I do hope that over time, especially once the AD's start to help, he will see that PND is an illness not an annoyance? I hope so.

[MrsMiggins]

3rd week on tablets but had really bad day yesturday.
DH still doesnt believe I have PND and still thinks I'm wallowing now DR has diagnosed PND.
I only have 1 person I can talk to about this and I feel guilty for ringing her all the time.

My parents are away on holiday for a week but to be honest I still dont feel they believe me either. My SIL is not a good listener and my brother just tells me he doesnt understand and not to tell anyone outside the family.

I have all kinds of things going on in my head & noone to talk to. I dont really want to put too much personal detail on MN incase people recognise me. Some skeletons need to stay in the cupboard.

I saw DR on Monday and am seeing her again week on Friday but I just want someone to talk to (or at). However after yesturday and how I feel this morning, I'm at the end of my tether.

I dont think it helps that DH was away last night. I am paranoid that he is going to leave me or is having an affair. I have started looking at his phone for txts, searching his briefcase, and accusing him everytime he is away. I think his reaction to PND at the moment makes me feel he doesnt care and he's tired of me but of course this makes my paranoia worse.

I found a receipt for Travel Lodge which said 2 people but the names were both his. He has expenses receipts for meals (being senior he has to pay) and I find myself looking at those for clues to who he has been eating with. A female work collegue txted him on Sat while we were shopping & that upset me even though he said it was about work. Having said that, I had gone to the loo with our son & when I came back he seemed to be frantically trying to delete the msg which looked suspicious. All these things could be innocent but I myself have been unfaithful (not to DH but to previous boyfriends) and so I know that just cos you protest doesnt mean you're not lying. Perhaps its my own past infidelity making me realise opportunities exsist especially if you're not happy in your current relationship.
How can I stop feeling so jealous?
I've told DH that I need him to try to understand PND and that the tablets will help me feel better & more clear about things, and that then the accusations will stop.

I've seen other posts about CBT and wonder if this would help me. I've also seen that people are having to wait. Maybe I should go private although I cant see DH agreeing to fork out money for me to talk to someone.

sorry to moan but writing things down helps....