I am a regular. Name-changed, mainly as there are a couple of people on here who might know who I am, or a nosey relative who knows my username who might be a bit bored from time time as does not know my DH lost his job yet.
I just feel like we are spiralling. We always seem to get ourselves sorted financially, just, then it goes all up in the air again.
DH has never been good at holding jobs down. He has a brilliant mind, has lots and lots of ideas, but is really really bad at being a yes person. He is also really shit at job applications as he has low confidence, largely as he is not a yes person so not always felt suited to working with arseholes. Unfortunately, as a student, he (and I) gained a lot of experience in customer service, and when we left uni with debts we both ended up in this area.
Luckily (well to be honest brutal determination) moved me away from this. I refused to be pigeonholed in a job I had not chosen and started a career. DH did not. He moved from job to job to job, periods of unemployment, where I, as my wage increased took the weight of this. We looked for jobs for him, both of us. He did voluntary work in a good area, we made some good contacts (and subsequently some good friends). We moved back to an area which we studied in but had moved away due to lack of opp (for me).
DHs father past away suddenly, an emotional upheaval. We bought a flat on my wage, with some support from his mother (a small deposit whicn meant we could buy).
We found out immediately after moving we were expecting our DD. She brought so much into our lives. DH got a shite but stable enougn job, we both worked hard. My mum became ill and died before DD was 6 months old. Hit me for six, but I picked myself up. DH and I got married, our finances were shit but better than they were.
Then in aug DH applied for the first 'proper job' for years, got it, worked his ass off. He was on double wage than before, still only part time so we had childcare sorted, with propects in the future to further himself. Things started looking up for us financially, we were in a financial position to look for a house, for a garden for our DD, and to think of another child. We decided to go for the second child at the beginning of this year, as even if we did not move, it would be soon enough to be ok.
Then, at the start of this year, almost to the day, DH went to his place of employment to find out he was fired, no reason, no reason needed as he was 5 months into probation period. Appears this was a planned action of theirs, they had no intention of keeping him longer than they had to (funding issues for charity).
He is down, really down. We are screwed financially. I am going to have to work full time (currently work 30 hours), I just do not know how we are going to cope.
Our flat is off the market. My contraceptive implant is out, but funnily enough our sex drive is low (esp as i now comes with additional extras so to speak). DD wont get her garden, might not get a brother or sister any time soon.
One of my friends has just sold her house to buy a bigger one, another has been given the money to buy an entire house! I wont say I am not jealous, as I am. But not because I want want they have, but because we were working towards those things ourselves and they are now not so close.
DH is not having much luck on the job front, we do not live in a prosperous area really in terms of jobs.
And, well for the first time emotionally, I feel like I am sinking. I have always been in control of my life, to an extent, of course not fully or else I would not be here right this second, would already have that big house and child no 2!!! but, I have been able to move forward slowly, with some hiccups. I just feel this is one more hiccup.
I feel like I am letting my daugther down. I should be progressing from where I was when I grew up, I work so hard, I should be able to provide for her. And right now I just feel like I am destined to be not much further than my own family were when I grew up. That it is not actually possible to climb.
I earn a really good wage. But it is just not good enough to sustain us. I managed to cope with my mother dying. Why does this feel so hard and unsolveable?
Sorry, that was exceptionally long. I just needed to talk.
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Mental health
I just need to get it all out i guess.
20 replies
itsajollyholidayformary · 21/01/2009 22:02
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