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pushing jelly uphill

(12 Posts)
sadsack Fri 01-Apr-05 11:17:57

I feel a bit of a fraud posting in this topic when I'm going through far less than many of you but I'm feeling utterly low and lost and just need to get it out and maybe even get some advice.

I don't seem able to do anything right anymore. I just feel like I'm pushing jelly uphill all the time. I used to be really respected and appreciated at work but since coming back I just seem to be in the way and I'm making the kind of mistakes that junior staff make. DH and I aren't getting on very well and keep snapping at each other even though we love each other so much. I've been looking for a new job but keep getting feedback like "she's great, perfect for the job but seemed tired so we won't be taking it further" and I don't even begin to know what to do about that. I can't take a break or change career as we are entirely dependent on my income and only just survive on that. I adore my family but hardly see them and when I'm with them I'm too busy doing the housework to get time to enjoy life. I just feel defeated.

What's wrong with me? How do I get back on track? Any advice? I really can't carry on like this.

mummytosteven Fri 01-Apr-05 11:20:31

how much do you think this is down to you being absolutely knackered? are you getting a full night sleep regularly?

sadsack Fri 01-Apr-05 11:25:36

not great sleep wise - ds doesn't usually sleep through, usually gets me up once or twice but nothing too extreme but I'm used to low levels of sleep as was insomniac pre pregnancy and managed fine. I just seem to have lost it.

mummytosteven Fri 01-Apr-05 11:28:13

what's the main source of conflict with DH? Does DH do his fair share of housework/helping with disrupted nights?

sadsack Fri 01-Apr-05 11:33:28

its just nasty snipping tbh, no real conflict areas. we can argue about the cat ffs. we just snip away and then sulk. all very childish. He sometimes complains that I'm at work too much (he's a sahd) but thats about it,

this is such a pathetic post, I'm so sorry.

mummytosteven Fri 01-Apr-05 11:36:42

No, no, not pathetic at all.

Is your H unhappy with being an SAHD/not working? It sounds like he's feeling a bit insecure. But it also sounds like he should be doing more of the night time stuff. It sounds to me like you're doing the housework, the nighttime feeds on top of a demanding job, so no wonder you are knackered. could you afford to get a cleaner in to give you a bit more free time at weekends?

your line of work does sound horrendous/high pressured if you are coming out of interviews with feedback like that.

sadsack Fri 01-Apr-05 12:05:05

i don't know what to think about the feedback. I'm not a fluffy, whoopy kids presenter type but I don't think I'm low energy either. I'm just confused about it, but then a lot seems to confuse me these days.

DH loves being a sahd. He has a great time and plenty of time for his interests too. He just doesn't hear ds at night so I'm awake anyway.

aaaargh I wish I could just pull myself out of this fug. wheres that fairy godmother when you need her?

mummytosteven Fri 01-Apr-05 12:06:29

got anything nice and you orientated planned for the weekend?

mummytosteven Fri 01-Apr-05 12:07:24

I do think the constant interrupted sleep is going to sap you. how old is he? old enough for you to try and do any sort of sleep training?

sadsack Fri 01-Apr-05 12:18:15

he's 18mths. He wakes and wants to play. Very like me as a child apptly.

and no no plans at all for the weekend apart from sorting out my filing!

tarantula Fri 01-Apr-05 12:22:26

I ahte to say this sassack but if he has a great time and has plenty of time for his interests then how come you are ending up doing the housework. Not saying that he should do it all but a fair proportion should come under his remit as a SAHD shouldnt it? My dp si alos a SAHD and he does most of the day to day housework ie cooking, shopping (day to day stuff), hoovering, cleaning, washing (incuding nappies) and cooking. We then do a big clean on a Sat morning (strip beds etc)

If I were you Id leave the hosuework and relax with your ds this weekend and wake dh up to deal with your ds at night even if you are awake. thats waht I do if Im really tired and have to get up early in the morning cos its not the waking its the getting out of bed etc that really wears me out.

sadsack Fri 01-Apr-05 12:39:00

I'm actually ok with him not doing all the housework - I need to feel I have a role at home too, sort of need to have some element of female role in my life. Also gets me out of doing gardening.

I just don't feel like me any more, I'm meant to be good at this.

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