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Anyone else struggling with anxiety?

(1001 Posts)
mooseloose Mon 12-Jan-09 22:10:16

I've been off work nearly three months now and am just really fed up with myself now. i've refused any meds but I just cant get over it. I started my counselling last week, and am hopeful she can sort me out. it was caused by by son having an accident, and juggling work etc which just got too much and made me cry.
Id had a lot of panic attacks but they are getting better but now I just feel worried when i go out, and that i want to cry.
Today I just can't breathe. I don't know if i'm worse today because i'm due on too.
I just really feel i've lost my way and lost confidence in myself, and i dont know what to do to get myself back.
I'm all crabby and wound up with people too - no patience.
I think the doctor is fed up with me too and i'm also worried she won't keep giving me sick notes, i'm never usually ill.......

JollyPirate Mon 12-Jan-09 22:16:41

Hi ML - as a fellow anxiety and panic attacks sufferer I can appreciate what you are going through. I had a dreadful time at the beginning of this year - a website which helped was this one as there is good info and also an excellent message board.
Just remind yourself constantly that these are panic attacks and will pass - at the beginning of last year I was waking at 5am every morning with dreadful feelings of anxiety and having lots of panic attacks - even when I started feeling better this early waking and anxiety continued. You WILL get back to normal - this time last year i didn't think I'd ever feel normal again and now I am a different person. Just hang in there - I seriously doubt your GP is fed up with you - more likely she just wants to see you get well again and I am sure she will be guided by you about whether or not a sick note is needed.

JollyPirate Mon 12-Jan-09 22:17:28

I meant "dreadful time at the beginning of last year" - this year I feel good.

mooseloose Mon 12-Jan-09 22:25:53

Thanks - I had looked at that web before. I too keep waking feeling horrible!shaky and on edge. I'd really suffered with jelly legs and shaly hands but they do seem to be getting better, I just feel and am so grouchy about everything. I popped into work to see how i was a month ago and had a panic and felt so sick and shaky afterwards. I'm worried about going back too soon and it all starting up again. Doc says i need to change my way of thinkin, and also consider meds. My last sick note was two weeks and that ends on monday. I have no idea really how long the average recovery is.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull Mon 12-Jan-09 22:27:05

Hi Mooseloose
I feel for you - Last May it all came to a head. I have held off medication for as long as I could but things just weren't getting better. in November I started taking Citalopram, it is amazing.
Where as every minute of everyday my body was in fight or flight needing to run away even though there was nothing to be scared of.
In no way am I saying that you should take medication - I just wanted to say that - for me - it has given me the ability to get to my appointments. It has also given me the chance to calmly face some really horrid things that have got me to this point.

Your GP will not be fed up with you, your GP will want to help you in any way they can, if that is listening to you during your appointment that is great - if it is facilitating your accessing further help then that is great.

This is the beginnign of your journey back to good mental health and you WILL get there.

ML keep talking - there are quite a few of us on MN who suffer with anxiety - I am sure others will be along soon with more practical help. smile

JollyPirate Mon 12-Jan-09 22:31:13

Definitely consider the meds ml - I am on Effexor and it has helped - my GP also gave me some Valium tabs (only for occasional use) but to be honest they didn't help - just made me tired AND anxious. The Effexor has been great though and I am weaning off them at present.
As Greyskull says - it's not compulsory to take medication but it CAN be very helpful. You WILL get better I promise - but this time last year I didn't believe anyone who said that to me.

bluejelly Mon 12-Jan-09 22:33:14

This time last year I had awful anxiety. Felt so stressed and horrible so much of the time

I had five sessions with a counsellor and it was amazing how much it helped. I cried and cried and let out a whole lot of bottled up feelings. Felt so much better after.

And now it has virtually gone. When it creeps back I try and write down how I am feeling, and then force myself to talk to a friend about it, even if I don't feel like it. 9 times out of ten it relieves the pressure and the anxiety passes. Other things that help are

watching tv
listening to music

basically anything that i enjoy that is distracting.

But really it's the talking therapy that cures it, in my opinion.

mooseloose Mon 12-Jan-09 22:33:29

Thanks both, I feel really fed up and teary today. Some days i've worried about walking down to school or going to tesco etc (had panics amoungst the biscuits before!). i have an upset tum before going out. i'm always usually so busy - help at school, do volunteer work, work part time. Always smiley chatty and cheerful, so this is a real shock to me that I can now feel and be so different. I worry i wont get myself back. i just worry about everything now actually. dh says i'll be worrying about what colour the grass is soon!
I've never thought i was depressed, but now I'm beginning to wonder?
my lady counsellor is really lovely, very kindly, she made me cry! She is going to help me set some goals tomorrow. I guess my fear is protecting myself against being rushed and stumbling backwards again.

Takingitslowly Mon 12-Jan-09 22:34:46

Another anxiety sufferer here. Your counselling will really help and I'm sure will start to kick in soon.

Also, meds can be brilliant. I understand your reluctance though and they're not the answer for everyone. But if you don't feel better after counselling, it might be worth a rethink about taking something?

mocca Mon 12-Jan-09 22:36:54

My crippling anxiety has disappeared after a month on sertraline. I'm not suggesting you go on meds but it's given me a chance to breathe and look at what's been affecting me so badly. I feel more positive than I have for a long time and not terrified anymore. Just hoping when I come off them, I will have learned enough to deal with it if it comes back.

mooseloose Mon 12-Jan-09 22:37:27

Thanks blue jelly too (our posts crossed). counsellor says i have to relax and have 'me time' every day and be concious thats its me time too. I go running with a friend (cant go on my own at the mo) but she told me i shouldnt as it was too much - outside my comfort zone (6 -8 mile runs). i woory about meds not fixing the proble, just masking it - and I want to get rid - does that sound daft?

mummytopebs Mon 12-Jan-09 22:42:02

I suffered like you were for about 6 months, then unfortunatly everything came to a head with a breakdown (not saying this will happen as i also have ocd). I could not see a way out now 18 month on it is a complete different story. I could not have coped without meds, i am currently on clompirmine which i have found fantastic (dont be ashamed to go on meds). I also had sessions with a counsellor but these didnt work until i was on meds. I even changed my job to help. I am exactly the same as you always smiley and cheerful on the outside but like a frightened child inside (supermarkets were always a massive fear to ). Do not lose faith, i couldnt see a way out and now i feel i am a better person because of my experiences x

mooseloose Mon 12-Jan-09 22:43:49

you are all so lovely - making me cry now!

ByThePowerOfGreyskull Mon 12-Jan-09 22:44:37

ml meds have masked the symptoms of my problems and given me chance to face the problems.. if you know what I mean.. I know they are a mask.. and I know that at some point I will have to live a full functioning life without them - but am only a couple of months into up to a year of therapy so I know I am in for the long haul.

I cried myself to sleep after taking the first tablet as I felt I had failed to fix things myself. and now - I am so pleased -
Running sounds good smile endorphines running through your system and you time together should be a real support.

morningsun Mon 12-Jan-09 23:51:17

mooseloose,was surprised to read your post,the first i've read with similar experience to mine.
at the time[2yrs ago]i seemedto be a bit down from several small emotional stresses wheni was tipped into a state of severe anxiety by an accident my son had.
it was a mixture of depression and post traumatic stress i think, but i had no meds.
i have never gone thru anything similar, the best way i can describe it would be sittng still trying to wish away the minutes until i could sleep to escape the thoughts in my mind.that is a long time from 5 am to 10 pm.
I still wake in the am with bad thoughts,feeling frightened,and still have bad days but it is receding in intensity and degree.

Loobyloo22 Tue 13-Jan-09 09:19:56

I have some on here to share my experiences and came across yours. There seem to be a lot of lovely, supportive people on here. I hope it is OK to add my experiences. I am a fairly anxious person, with some other problems, mild psoriasis and a constant feeling of a 'haze' in my head.

Two days ago I was driving and had a massive panic attack. I was so scared and was convinced I was having a stroke. I went to A&E and scared the crap out of everyone in my life. Now it is 'all over' and all is 'fine' (i.e not life threatening) I feel really lost and alone, like it is no big deal. I am so embarrassed about the whole thing and I feel permenantly on the verge of tears. My husband thinks that I should be completely back to normal and is going away in two days on a lads long weekend. I just don't know what to do.

I am almost certain that it is linked to Hypothyroidism. But any type of mood affecting/ mental/ hormonal illness seems to be so poorly tolerated by my family, I have got no one to talk to about it.

Sorry for going on about this after your post but I hope that is OK.

LightShinesInTheDarkness Tue 13-Jan-09 10:16:06

mooseloose - sorry you are feeling so low, many of us have been there. Take heart - you will get yourself back, promise.

Don't rush yourself, and I always tell myself that I will achieve as much as I can on the days that I feel well, and on the days that I am not so good, I will be kind to myself. It works for me.

Also, Monty Don (he is a gardener!) has written this book which may not be to everyone's taste, but offers some lovely insights into recovery from depression.

mooseloose Tue 13-Jan-09 10:18:52

I'm really pleased you have all left messages. It makes me realise i'm not on my own. I feel silly about it really, as though I should pull myself together, but can't. It's like a me and it, two separate things.

My son badly broke his arm - the bone nearly came out of the skin, and he lost feeling in his hand. It was a very bad break (but not life threatening which is why I think I am being silly). The doctors all jumped and he was rushed to theatre and it was wired to pull the bones together. The xray the following week showed (unexpectedly) it had not worked so he was taken to theatre the same day. This time he had a lot more pain, blood pressure problems etc, not nice. He is 9, but a right softie.

So in the meantime i should have been at work, and worried about making up the time, which i did by going in at 7am on a Saturday, staying til 7 after work. I made up hours and hours. On the second op occasion i even discharged us from hosp so i could get into work as i was worried i should be there. Things just came to a head one day when i made a silly mistake one day at work and i cried and cried and got myself in a right old state. And i can't get down from that place now.

I have just been into school to read, but my tummy flipped as I came to walk back outside.

Got my first proper counselling today.

Loobyloo22 Tue 13-Jan-09 10:33:54

I hope you are feeling better soon Moose-loose, there is so much to worry about with kids, it is never-ending but hopefully you can find a balance where you don't feel as bad as you do now. Have you ever thought that thyroid issues might be a problem for you?

mooseloose Tue 13-Jan-09 10:36:43

Hi Looby, the doc hasn't done any checks on me at all.......

Loobyloo22 Tue 13-Jan-09 10:45:10

There seems to be a link between anxiety and hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism. Obvioulsy not in all cases but in some. It is worth considering the side effects of a thyroid problem and ascertaining whether it is apporopriate to ask the doc about it.

BiancaCastafiore Tue 13-Jan-09 10:51:02

Mooseloose, I had terrible anxiety which stopped me from going out and enjoying life but had hypnotherapy last summer which has helped enormously; I'd highly recommend it. Much of hypnotherapy is learning relaxation techniques which I have found work brilliantly went I start to feel anxious. I can't say I'm cured but I suprise myself a lot these days by doing things I know used to make me feel very panicky.
Good luck x

backalleysally Tue 13-Jan-09 10:51:42

Hi Mooseloose - I totally sympathise with how you feel. Ive suffered from depression and anxiety on and off for years....I cant really pin point when it started which is frustrating as it might explain it. I think im generally a nervous kind of person and feeling nervous and having panic attacks regularly definately caused my depression. Apparently they feed off each other.

A few years ago I was so bad that I couldnt go into a supermarket (just like you mummytopebs!)at work I was a wreck, my hands shook constantly, I couldnt bear people observing what I was doing (this is still a big problem for me). I was in a constant state of paranoia.
Ive had a variety of meds...beta blockers and antidepressants...I'm on Lexapro at the moment and am in no rush to come off it. It has helped an enormous amount. Ive also had CBT which was excellent and really helped. In fact if I could afford it I would definately have another few sessions.

Anyway hope your counselling goes well. smile

LittleMissNorty Tue 13-Jan-09 10:58:18

Have a look here as well.

I suffer dreadfully with social anxiety and have had counselling and am on meds (despite being pregnant blush) but I could not carry on the way I was. Once I'm back on my feet after this baby, I'm determined to overcome my anxiety and learn to live / deal with it rather than avoid situations that I think will start me off.

I have no answers as I don't seem to be able to overcome it myself (mine often relates to eating out in restaurants and then throwing up....or being scared I'm going to and then doing so)...but found this website explained a lot.

Best of luck x

morningsun Tue 13-Jan-09 11:13:25

Hi loobyloo,sorry you had that awful experience sad.
I think you should make an appt with your gp to check your throid levels~they can go high sometimes if you are on replacement throxine.
Maybe you could ask him for some advice about meds/talking therapy to help with the anxiety,or to see if something has brought the panic attack on?
Have you been under more stress lately?
Please don't worry about what other people think,you 'd be surprised how very common anxiety and panic is,try the website jollypirate linked to it looks really good.
I actually think anxiety is often in veryintelligent people,and people who care a lot about things.
Try and get some advice on this tho,take some action to help you through it,maybe the gp can refer you to the local comm.mental health team.

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