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Help my dd is my only reason for existing.

(20 Posts)
TiredBunny Wed 16-Mar-05 12:23:34

I have posted in this section before but feel at my lowest ever at the moment. All I want to do is be with my dd locked away somewhere. I can't think enough to do my job, I am on the verge of tears every time I stand still, I feel sick and can't get out of feeling like this. The main issues are men.... am sort of with Mr Right who is also Mr Wrong, have people interfering and stirring things up fo us. I have tried to talk to him and his attitude is just 'oh for Gods sake I didnt come to see you for this!' I love my daughter far too much I am sure and am in danger of smothering her because without knowing it she is my rock, my reason for living and something I am actually doing right. I want to move away and start again but am petrified of doing it. My ex has got a new girlfriend so I have no help or support with dd. I have great friends and I am lucky but no-one can be there for me when I am a blubbing wreck at 11pm every night. Am on beta blockers but they don't appear to help. This is a load of garbage.... am writing as I think.

helsi Wed 16-Mar-05 12:28:08

Please go see your doctor. You are not talking garbage you sound just like me. It took me 2 years to go to him after years of feeling soooo low and he put me on a mood regulatior called fluoxetine. It is a non addictive anti depressant and has worked wondewrs for me. Please go see him. If you are thinking that your life is worthless please go to see your GP. Your dd needs you and loves you.

helsi Wed 16-Mar-05 12:28:53

Tired bunny where abouts are you?

TiredBunny Wed 16-Mar-05 12:31:31

I have had ads before .... I had PND and it took me ages to get off them. I have to go back to work now and am sat blubbing my head off. I am not suicidal or anything because I wouldnt leave my daughter without her Mummy but just dont see the point in who I am other than being a mum. I dont see what other good I bring to the world. Will be back later.... have to go act like I am fine now!!

TiredBunny Wed 16-Mar-05 12:32:15

in North YOrkshire..... cant say too much because I work in a public job and am embarrased.

horseshoe Wed 16-Mar-05 12:32:17

TiredBunny,

It sounds like you need a big shake up to give your life meaning at the moment and the only thing that gives you motivation is your daughter........ You might not need to move away but do something to get you excited about life like a new job or course........ Mr Right/wrong will fall into place in time...Men dont think like us...they cant be bothered to analyse so if it's not worth the argument move on with him. If it is worth the argument then maybe he is Mr Wrong. beta Blockers will only help if you also have a go at changing whats stressing you out.

Sorry I cant say more to help you..........it sounds like you have a good set of friends to support you.

amynnixmum Wed 16-Mar-05 12:32:30

Tiredbunny{{{hugs}}}

Go and see your GP and tell them how you are feeling. If the beta blockers aren't working they may be able to give you something else that will like ADs. I have had both depression and acute stress and they respond to different drugs.

horseshoe Wed 16-Mar-05 12:36:09

Take pride in knowing that your daughter is who she is because you have brought her up the way you have. It's hard when you have no support but i for one think single mums have a tough time trying to provide for their kids. When you go to work know that your there because of your daughter. Thats my motivation and it does help me get through the day.

Dont be ashamed to break down now and again. Your allowed to.......it's hard work and I know people who have trouble coping with alot less responsibility believe me.

helsi Wed 16-Mar-05 12:37:28

I too had PND but it wasn't diagnosed until dd was nearly 2. I am in West Yorkshire so if you ever fancy coming on a meet up then please do so. I agree with horseshoe. Can you start a new hobby or anything? I have started doing card making and cake decorating as it gives me time to do something other than just being mummy (not that that is a bad thing but I am sure most people will agree that you can't be mum 24/7). Do you work full time? If you do I know how hard it is especially on your own. If you work part time can you get out more with friends/groups in the day?
Please don't worry about men too much. I know it is easier to say than do. I really can relate to what you are saying. Are you on line at home? If you need to CAT me to talk further then please do so. I will be home this evening - at work at moment.

horseshoe Wed 16-Mar-05 12:42:59

Yes I agree Helsi,

I also same as you had PND, diagnosed when DD was 2. I work FT and struggle so much even with DP to take over when need be so I am in complete admiration for you TiredBunny.

I did an Open University course and changed my job. Felt I needed a complete fresh start.

It's funny cause if your like me...you dont feel you fit in with the mumsy groups but you dont fit in with the work pals, shooting off to the pub at the end of the day. Life is full of routine and no fun.

helsi Wed 16-Mar-05 12:51:16

I love mummsy groups but don't get time to go to many as I work full time. Weekends are precious as I spend them with dd as I work full time Mon-Fri. I do admire single parents. I know when dh is on late shifts I find it hard doing everything on my own. Tiredbunny - you will get loads of support on MN-please don't hesitate to post.

clare1980 Wed 16-Mar-05 13:09:13

poor you tiredbunny. i felt like you and wanted to get out of the rutt i seemed to dive into, i needed to change so i enrolled at college and trained as a beauty therapist and in turn it changed my whole life. i binned my dd dad cos he used to hit me but before i had no confidence to leave and now i am about to move in wiv my dp and start a new job, at times all that kept me going was my daughter and sometimes that wasnt enough cos i planned to leave her wiv my parents but i just couldnt leave wiv out her and it put everything into perspective and now i look back and feel really lucky to have made the rite choice and am so glad i got a second chance at being me. you may feel down now but i promise it will get better you just need to believe in yourself

TiredBunny Wed 16-Mar-05 13:09:41

what does CAT mean..... i dont know how to do it

Lonelymum Wed 16-Mar-05 13:12:03

Cat means contact another tlaker. Look at the top of the page and you will see it in the line entitled Useful stuff. Just click on that and follow the instructions.

Lonelymum Wed 16-Mar-05 13:12:25

Talker, not whatever I typed!

TiredBunny Wed 16-Mar-05 15:23:50

AM going to the doctors soon so will see what he says.

helsi Wed 16-Mar-05 20:25:52

Please let me know how you get on. I am really worried about you.

TiredBunny Wed 16-Mar-05 22:46:30

Hi. Doc said he thought I needed counselling to deal with the root of my problem and has given me some ads which specifically help stress. Have seen a good friend tonight and she was a great support. I havent been in touch with the mr wrong/right and feel better that i havent... though he hasnt been in touch with me. just feel like my head is spinning and though I can see the way out I cant get there. I am tired but cant sleep.

sansouci Wed 16-Mar-05 23:02:54

I think I understand, TiredBunny. It must be so very difficult to bring up a child by yourself... you are so brave & I admire you. You won't always feel this low but it is excellent news that you've gone to see the doc & got some treatment sorted out. Once the ads kick in, not only will you feel much better, you will also sleep much better. you will be ChirpyBunny! Meanwhile, we are here for you. I send you big hugs & an honourary MN medal for bravery.

TiredBunny Wed 16-Mar-05 23:33:38

Fanks!!!! Am just trying to catch up on some work and a glass of wine is helping me along.

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