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Feel like I can't keep it all together anymore

(15 Posts)
kkgirl Tue 15-Mar-05 16:48:22

I'm not depressed, more exhausted by the treadmill of life, and feel like I am going under.
I have 3 children, a part time job (three days a week), elderly parents, my dad has the start of alzeimers. Trying to juggle it all is wearing me out, and the final straw was going to work today.
There are only two of us there at the moment, my team leader and me. She was in London, and it was so manic, phonecalls, people wanting to talk to me, urgent work, and work that has been ignored so long deadline has passed and had to be done today, plus query from top boss which had to be answered.
I've come home, I'm stressed, shaking, and just started to cry in front of my ds1 when he said he didn't want lasagne for tea.

I'm worried that if the pressure doesn't ease somehow, I'm going to have a breakdown. I have been thinking about seeing gp and asking for a few weeks off, just feel I need a break.

reflection Tue 15-Mar-05 17:04:47

Your health is the most important thing. Go to the doctor. It takes a strong person to ask for help when they need it. I bit of time out will help you to refuel and get your head together. Do try to get some time for yourself. To relax and rest. Maybe ask friends and family to mind the children for you. Good luck with it all and remember that taking action that will help you will only help those around you that rely you in the long term xx

bundle Tue 15-Mar-05 17:12:11

kkgirl i felt like this last week (have a 3 days a week job like you, 2 kids and at the moment a pretty heavy commitment with dd2's nursery) and when everything started to crumble at work last week i felt pretty close to the edge and cried all morning when i was at home with my youngest. a lot of sleep and tlc from dh helped, but i too wonder if eventually i have to quiver in a corner and be carted off. (a few years back i did get signed off for 3 weeks when something similar happened, wasn't given any drugs by gp, just rested and changed jobs at work)

Marina Tue 15-Mar-05 17:52:52

Oh dear, hugs to you both bundle and kkgirl.
I do think you should see your GP with a view to being signed off for a short time, kkgirl.
Other things that might help you include taking a tonic such as Floradix, or a multivitamin if you don't already do this; stepping away from that fraught work environment for at least 20 mins every lunchtime and walking outside, anywhere (I frequently skulk at my desk "doing stuff" and it is much better to have even a short break); and invoking the TLC needed from dp rule. So sorry about your dad too...my parents are elderly too, trying to move back to near where we live thank goodness, and I find myself hoping and praying they can move before their short-term memories go completely It's SUCH a worry, I do sympathise.

kkgirl Tue 15-Mar-05 18:28:52

Thanks for your kind words, girls.
I am reluctant to bother the doctor really, have been trying to get to Easter when I will have over two weeks off, with 5 days in Devon to come.It won't be a rest because the kids will keep us busy but at least it will be a change of scene and we won't have to rush everywhere.

I try to be positive, and am feeling better now I am at home with the children. But I am worrying about a piece of work I have been helping with, it has to be agreed and signed by next Weds, and I can't see it happening, we won't be able to get it out on time.

Thanks for your support, I like Mumsnet for this reason, that no-one knows me in RL, and I can put things on here, DH doesn't know how bad I feel, and wouldn't be that bothered. I don't think he would notice until he found a shivering heap in the corner.

bundle Tue 15-Mar-05 18:30:39

kkgirl, can you in the short term get some Treats for yourself???x

norash40 Tue 15-Mar-05 18:37:05

Hey Kkgirl,

Sorry to here you are having such a hard time. Maybe I am wrong, but it seems to me that you are trying to do it all alone. You are not a "superhero" if there is any such thing. As they say no man is an island.

Why don't you try and get help with the stuff you need to do at home. Especially with your dad and the children. Also it is important that while you feel you want/have to take care of everyone, you are ignoring the most important person (you). Try and have some alone time.

I think it is best to try other forms of relaxing before you go off to the doctor. It must be hard though with all you have to do, but please take good care of yourself. You need your sanity and your family needs you. Who will take care of them if you get ill as a result of your current stress levels.

Sorry to go on so much.

norash40 Tue 15-Mar-05 18:37:20

fisil Tue 15-Mar-05 19:13:38

Please please look after yourself and take it more easy. I kept pushing myself under similar circumstances, and am now in my 10th week off work, and I was diagnosed with depression in the end. I thought I could just keep going doing it all, and I was wrong! So learn from my mistake (even if I won't) and take a couple of weeks while that is all you need!

jasper Tue 29-Mar-05 22:35:52

kkgirl are you still there?

How are things and has anything improved?

kkgirl Wed 30-Mar-05 08:06:19

Hi Jasper

Yes, I'm still lurking around!!!
I have been off work since last Wednesday, I am lucky enough to have been able to take leave, one of the new members of staff joined last week, and he seems really capable, and one of the others was back yesterday, so I thought stuff it will have the two weeks off with kids, instead of trying to book them into day camps.
I did feel really bad last Thursday, rushed around all morning, catching up on jobs, dh was home at lunchtime, so we went out for a couple of hours before picking the kids up. Was really shaky and tense, but since Friday have been feeling better and better, and we went away Sun-Mon.
I am going to try to relax and catch up this week, away to Devon for a few days next week, but will have to be careful when I go back to work I think.
Thanks for thinking of me.

jasper Thu 31-Mar-05 22:46:27

kkgirl I am glad to hear you have got some breathing space at least.

Please be careful when you do return to work.
Your original message could have been posted by me a wee while back. I particularly related to your initial statement "I am not depressed". that is exactly how I felt but I was becoming totally worn out with the strain of just keeping uo with all my responsibilities.

When you feel like that , depression is just a short step away.

My solution was to cut my hours at work to save my sanity. It worked to a large extent but I still have to be careful not to get back into that taking on the whole world mentality.

There is a fine line between "there is not enough of me to go round" and "there is NOTHING of me left"!

Enjoy your time home with the kids and remember if you have no energy and little sanity, NO ONE benefits.

Jayzmummy Fri 01-Apr-05 06:37:20

hey KK.....sorry I missed your initial post....glad your feeling a bit better now. Where are you going in Devon????? I live there....maybe we could meet up and talk cards....

kkgirl Fri 01-Apr-05 09:16:29

Jasper

Thanks for your lovely post. I have taken notice of what you have said and over the last week, since I have been off work, I have been pacing myself, only doing so little bits of housework, choosing a room a day, and just doing a bit.
I do feel a lot better, for the rest. You're right in saying that its not so much depression, as exhaustion trying to keep up.

kkgirl Fri 01-Apr-05 09:17:38

Jayzmum

We are off to Exmouth for a few days, to Devon Cliffs.
It would be great to meet up and talk cards. I could tell DH and the kids, I was off to buy a pint of milk, and spend the week with you making cards. That would be bliss, my idea of heaven!!!

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