I can't see any reason that would make me feel I want to get out of bed or even be awake. I have to get up to look after the children but it isn't the same as having some enthusiasm for being alive in the mornings.
DH tries to talk to me and I snap at him and won't speak/feel almost unable to speak until after he has gone to work and then feel awful that he has gone to work feeling unwanted/unloved. I shout at the kids for small things until I'm feeling better.
I seem to dread the day and expect it to be painfully hard work or painfully boring. I don't feel I look forward to anything.
So I drink a load of coffee and eat something and throughout the day gradually convince myself to feel positive, which I should because I have a nice life and have things to do, most of which I do enjoy, and people to see. I nearly always feel better and better throughout the day then go to bed, then in the morning feel absolutely in a pit again!
I'm trying to cut down on coffee, especially as sometimes my heart feels like it beats too fast, but I feel such a need for it. Maybe it is just caffeine addiction. I normally drink loads in the morning then lots of water and herbal tea in the afternoon. Maybe it is low blood sugar. I have tried eating something as soon as I wake up but even that seems like a huge effort and I didn't keep it up! I've just bought some mini flapjacks as they don't need much effort to chew and oats give you energy and I'll try eating them in the morning.
Once I've got up and moved about a bit and put on some loud music I start feeling better. I'm wondering if I could make myself stand up by the bed and do some crazy running on the spot for a few seconds as soon as I wake up, then get back in and have my coffee (I take it to bed in a flask). I've tried getting up and going on the exercise bike but I just couldn't keep it up because I just haven't got the motivation. I need to do something that is really easy or I won't do it.
DH says if I have a really bad morning I am depressed all day and if I got mornings sorted my life would really change.
I used to feel like this,and correct me if I'm wrong I think its quite commmon-I put my slightly 'upbeat' mood of a evening down to the fact that the day was nearly over and I could slump off to bed and shut the world down for a few hours-that was when I was in the depths of depression.
You could be suffering SAD but it does sound like a clinical depression to me,I used to get a intense loathing of the day ahead as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning almost could retch at the thought of getting out of bed.
I was clinically epressed whilst pregnant with ds2, and it was just like this. At 9 am I felt like slitting my wrists. 9 pm I want to visiot friends, play with children - have a life. I didn't manage to sort it with breakfast and exercise, I'm afraid the only thing that worked was antidepressants.
That\said, the mini flapjacks are a great idea! Keep them by your bed.
Thanks for replies. I've felt like this for years and years, not just during winter, all year round, with the odd day when I wake up really happy but can't find any reason why those days are different. I've had quite a lot of depression on and off which goes on all day and tried ADs which didn't have any effect on me. But I don't feel I've got depression now because I don't feel the way I felt then. Or are there different types of depression?
Maybe I could be in some denial that I still have some depression, but if I do it is definitely nothing like as bad as I used to have, I just need to get rid of the last remnants, it's like waking up miserable is a habit for me. Maybe I need another Paul McKenna recording to reprogramme my mind! It worked for my driving phobia! You can download recordings from his website.