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*OCD* (thoughts going over and over and over and over....etc....etc...etc)

(13 Posts)
MUM23ASD Tue 21-Oct-08 09:12:37

alot going on in my life at the moment....

Mum in law- dying from cancer- 74th birthday today....so lots of anxiety about how to 'celebrate' her birthday.

then ds3 was up last night with diarohea- so feel dare not go up to see MIL incase i/ds3 pass germ to her.

cannot ask my mum to have ds3 (so i can go up to see MIL) as i might still pass on germ...and ds3 may pass his germ to MY mum...and i therefore will be looking for her to have a slightest tummy ache for the next week- and if she does- i will be responsible.

and... ds1 is on a school trip to London (art themeed museums) today.... and i cannot get out of my head thoughts of crashes etc (there was a M6 crash last night) ....and i am anxious he will be left behind....won't have enough money....will lose his money....won't have enough to eat...drink.... will his batteries run out on his camera.....

(usual OCD ramblings)

DS1 has Asperger's/ ADHD... so some of my concerns are REAL as he does need a bit of extra 'watching out for'... but the 'rational' part of me knows he will be absolutely fine....but that doesn't stop me thinking.

and as if the 'death theme' wasn't enough....i am obsessed that one of our hamsters will die- and am worried what the other hamster (who shares the cage) will react like....i am even worried it will die when my MIL dies....

I do tend to see numbers and patterns/coincidences EVERYWHERE... so i tend to easily link totally unrelated things...like the school trip...my MIL...the hamsters...all into one feeling of doom and gloom...and cos today is MIL's birthday...and the weather is the same as when he DH died.... i just feel today is one of those days where i will be glad when it ends- and all is well.

so just wanted to offload this here- as it always helps me.

hopefully one of you will know where i am coming from on this one. (as if you don't ...you will think this is all so ridiculous)

PavlovtheWitchesCat Tue 21-Oct-08 09:20:33

I do not have OCD, but my mum did. Hers was expressed differently to yours but nevertheless I think I understand where you are coming from/how you might be feeling.

My mum had little control over her OCD at times and it really upset her. She had issues with electricity and the locks on the windows and front door. She had a routine to get out of the house, and always went back at least twice to check something, the kettle unplugged, the door locked properly (it has thee locks!), the electric heater in the cupboard that had never been used was turned off.

When she was particularly stressed or anxious or upset about something, it was worse.

I hope your day goes well, and none of you fears come true.

MUM23ASD Tue 21-Oct-08 09:24:32

thanks pavlov.

(just noticed my mistake "he DH died"...meant "when HER DH DIED"...(FIL died just after christmas...and looks like MIL will die before this christmas)

PavlovtheWitchesCat Tue 21-Oct-08 09:28:10

That is really bad timing MUM23ASD, that cannot help your stress levels at all.

Do you have any particular routines to help you keep focussed/keep things in perspective?

My mum used to use relaxation tapes, which helped a little and a strict routine in the mornings just before leaving for work, which is she followed without interuption she could get out of the house in minimum time (ie only checking twice, not 10-15 times).

MUM23ASD Tue 21-Oct-08 09:34:13

what you said....."My mum used to use relaxation tapes, which helped a little and a strict routine in the mornings just before leaving for work, which is she followed without interuption she could get out of the house in minimum time (ie only checking twice, not 10-15 times).".....is very interesting.... as having had therapy (CBT) i am encouraged to 'fight' every compulsion/thought....and i often feel that if i 'indulged ' a little then i could get on with my day.

so if for example i give myself permission to 'do/think something' i can then persuade myself to get on with other things....where as if i totally try to deny myself the thing i am obsessing about...i may well suceed... and not do the obsessive thing...but at the expense of all other activity- so therefore feel IT has still won.

so thinking what you said that she could get out the house WITH SOME ROUTINES is better than NOT getting out house. (I don't go out much due to the effort/planning it takes to get out)

so thanks for that.

PavlovtheWitchesCat Tue 21-Oct-08 09:45:24

Interesting that you are encouraged to fight urges with CBT...Everone has routines and urges, even people without OCD have to have some routines to follow, some more closely than others hmm.

Do you find that if you 'indulge' in your thoughts at all, then they might spiral out of control? Perhaps that is the logic of it hmm.

I am certainly no expert, but a strict routine was the ONLY way mum could control her impulses. In her head, she had a checklist, she checked each room in order, and in each room she checked that in order too. I used to try to help by doing a room and saying 'bathrooms ok mum' and it would throw her completely. She would leave the house then say 'oh the tap, need to check the tap in the bathroom', then would worry about the other rooms, and have to start again. Whereas if I just waited outside for her and did not hassle, she did her routine, and then could leave the house knowing each thing was 'ticked off'. She always checked the front door a million times before leaving though. We used to joked that if she kept pushing it, it would open just through shear force!

It would take her about 20 mins to do her check, but if she did not follow this routine, she would return to the house (if she was able to out at all) many times and it could take her 2 hours. She often used to come back home from the bus stop as she could not remember if she turned off the kettle.

MUM23ASD Tue 21-Oct-08 09:53:46

yes...the spiraling out of control is exactly that...its a case of ALL or NOTHING with me.... daren't start ANYTHING incase i cannot stop.
and the "even people without OCD have to have some routines to follow"...hits the nail right on the head as i am forever annalysing EVERYTHING i do.... with regard to what is NORMAL and WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO....

and sometimes i SHOW my mental health social worker HOW i do something...to be REASSURED that i am DOING IT RIGHT.....

and sometimes she will admit that what i am doing IS a bit UNUSUAL...but then says "What a good idea it is" and how "she would have never thought of doing it"...and how "RESOURCEFUL/CREATIVE" etc i am!!!!

she terms her job with me as NORMALIZING what I THINK is ABNORMAL

MorticiaAnnSpookington Tue 21-Oct-08 09:59:29

hello mum23 - just wanted to add my support as a fellow OCD sufferer..you are having a very tough time with MIL and her illness and I think these added anxieties just make everything spiral...it's really exhausting and distressing for you. I can sympathise as I am embroiled in my current obsession which is sorting and putting washing in the machine 'correctly' - it took me over half an hour to load it because I have to check the pockets, buttons,zips,seams etc..I know I'm doing it because I think that if I don't then the machine will break which will be through my carelessness..it's all ridiculously out of proportion. I have great checking issues,particularly to do with safety and security. The crash also made me feel upset as I do dwell on those kind of things. A big hug to you anyway - don't mean to offload my behaviour on you, just wanted to show you that I can empathise with you.
Hope MIL's birthday goes ok.

MUM23ASD Tue 21-Oct-08 10:00:15

FOOD PREPARATION is an issue with me...I use scissors and tongs to hold/cut/move all raw meat-

i use scissors to cut ham- but do pick it up with hands.

i use scissors to cut runner beans (this is the first thing i showed my M/H lady...and one she now does herself..one of my *Good Ideas*

The annying bit about the food prep- is IF i get it wrong...i either have to throw it away/start again... as cannot mix properly cut beans with wrongly cut beans for example....or ...if i fight that urge and proceed to cook the food...particularily meat...i am looking for bad results following my action- and then have to carefully wash EVERYTHING in contact with meat that i handeled incorrectly.....

so thats where it's EASIER to DO IT MY WAY as i can then get on and function.

MUM23ASD Tue 21-Oct-08 10:04:28

thanks MORTICIA .... it's FANTASTIC in a weird way to read your behaviours... it actually HELPS me to read what others do...as its such an isolating thing, isn't it?
When i say fantastic...i don't mean to sound like i am GLAD you SUFFER too... just GLAD you understand!!!!

So thankyou.

MorticiaAnnSpookington Tue 21-Oct-08 10:34:15

yes, it does help in a funny way to know that we're not dealing with this on our own !

wickedwitchofthesoutheast Sun 26-Oct-08 21:52:19

I don't really talk about my OCD so it is nice to read about the experiences of others smile

firstly, MUM23ASD, I really feel for you in this difficult time you're going through, I really hope it goes ok for you and that none of your fears happen

secondly, a little self indulgence... I have to do things in three's, or five's... I cannot handle things being in two's, I can accept if something is done once but if it happens twice I have to make it three times.
this drives my friends MENTAL.
if we are watching something and it gets rewound, I have to insist it gets rewound and watched a third time or I just cannot cope.

sometimes when they are really mean and they won't rewind it, the only way I can stop myself from going crazy is by reassuring myself that the first time we watched it counts as one, watching it be rewound counts as two, and then watching it again counts as the third time... but then, when no-one is around I have to go back and watch it a third time... or two more if I have reassured myself that I've watched it 3 times because 3+2=5 AND THAT IS OK.

I also constantly stress that my rabbit will die from hypothermia/over-heating, so I have to keep readjusting the heating in my flat, I do this many, many times a day. I wake up from sleeping at stupid hours to check that she is not dead and that the heating is ok.

I am always sure that when I go out, I have left my hair straighteners on and burnt down my house, even if I have previously checked I haven't, I somehow stress myself into thinking I have and on occassion, have called my BF up, bawling my eyes out and made him go+check... they have never been left on btw.

theres more but I think thats enough for now lol

MorticiaAnnSpookington Sun 26-Oct-08 22:37:30

thanks for sharing that wickedwitch - it does help to hear others experiences..I check in 3s too

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