When i "look into my future" it frightens me.

[exasperatedmummy]

I have been with my DP for 16 years, i have an 18 year old DD and we have a 3 year old DD that we adore. Things are tough financially and this is taking its toll on our relationship.

The thing is, whenever i try and think about the future - i see me as a lonely old hag on my own with a whiskey bottle. I can see me trapsing around the town, people trying to avoid me, my breath stinking of cooking sherry That thought has been playing over and over on my mind. Either that, or I will be dead as i am convinced I wont see my DD2 grow up.

Im on medication and having counselling - but all i can see is this bleakness. I want to fight back, but i don't know where to start. Getting a job is proving harder than i thought. I just feel in a constant state of panic. I have namechanged by the way, i guess from this some of you will figure me out and lose patience.

[TotalChaos]

have you ever had an alcohol problem/been close to someone with an alcohol problem? am just wondering whether it's an intrusive image that you are best just trying to disregard (whether it's an OCDish thing) or whether there is some past business regarding alcohol you might need to deal with in your mind. With intrusive thoughts, I've found it better not to try and reason with them or avoid them (as that can increase the anxiety which then feeds the thoughts), but just to tell them f*ck off, and recognise that just because I have some odd thoughts doesn't mean anything more than, well, having odd thoughts.

[exasperatedmummy]

Thanks for that TC, no, i dont have an alcohol problem, have been drinking slightly too much of late so have stopped, not for any other reason than thinking, this makes me feel worse, im not doing it anymore. So not that. No alcohol issues in my past either. I do tend towards OCD type behaviour - bargaining, i must remember to tell my counseller this. I do things like saying, If the next car i see is red then i will X disease, or DP will leave me. I also sometimes have to do things in specific ways (although i dont do this very often) I am superstitious to extremes. I often say, i have to get across the road before the car passes, you know, right up onto the pavement.

How do you manage to tell the thoughts to Fuck off though?