DH has major food issues. ANY help gratefully received.

[thingamajig]

DH will not eat: Milk or other dairy products (though cheese on pizza is ok)
Vegetables (though tomato/onion is ok in sauce)
Rice, Pasta, couscous
Which I could live with, and have done for the past 6 years. However he is phobic (the word used by my CPN) about the milk, which I am finding very difficult to deal with now that we have a baby. He will run out of the room and vomit at the sight of it.
I have been bf and am happy to continue, but I am desarate to have a tiny bit of a break sometimes, dd is 9 mo and feeds once in the night. She wont take a bottle from me, he cant offer her a bottle.
Also, an increasing number of other foods re causing him probelms, even baked beans.
I feel that I am running in circles to pander to him and the baby, I have depression and I am reaching the end of my tether.
Any advice, suggestions, therapies or even recipies desparately wanted...

[NotQuiteCockney]

Gosh, you poor thing.

Is your DH getting any help to resolve his issues? I wonder if therapy might help? What is his family history like? (Does he want to change?) I think some people swear by CBT for phobias.

[thingamajig]

He gets frightened and defensive when we talk about it. I have finally managed to get him to seek help about it - he is convinced that there is nothing that can be done. He sees the gp about it next week, I hope that my CPN can help too.
But it has started to make me angry when he runs away from the table.
He was mainly brought up by nannies and at boarding school - parents split up after an affair - mother and brother are bipolar -he and the other brother are on ads too. So lots of stuff to work on there...

[Winetimeisfinetime]

That sounds very difficult to deal with. I have some understanding of how your husband feels about milk as I don't eat any dairy products at all and never have. The smell of butter, cheese and milk can very easily make me vomit too and I don't even like picking them up at the supermarket.

I didn't have any problem with breast milk or formula milk when my ds was young as they didn't have that horrible fatty smell that cows milk has. But I think I would just have gritted my teeth and got on with it even if I had had a problem with it.

Not sure what to suggest really - perhaps he needs some sort of CBT to help him cope with his phobia. There must be a root to why he is like this. Huge sympathy though as I can understand how frustrating it must be for you.

[thingamajig]

And thank you so much for replying so quicky NQC

[NotQuiteCockney]

I would think maybe some therapy could help find the root cause. Or at least make him better able to deal with it all. If you can, please don't get angry with him - he clearly can't help it. It's got to be very hard for you both.

If going private is an option, www.bacp.org.uk (I think?) has listings for therapists all over the country.

[thingamajig]

Thank you, will hope that CBT will work as I think he should be offered it. If it was just milk I think I could manage, but when I make something for the baby, and ask him to feed her, and its all made out of stuff he can cope with, and he still cant I begin to despair. And I worry that his diet is so unhealthy that he will die and leave me. He puts loads of salt on everything and drinks 3-4 beeers every night.
Sorry am gabbling.

[Katisha]

Can you take the line with him that this was up to him while he had no "responsibilities" but now he has a child he needs to sort get some therapy for everyone's benefit? But he has to want to.

[Cappuccino]

yes, because I am sure he does not want his child to have food issues; he's going to pick up on your dh's issues. He can't want to pass that on.