Am I ever going to forget this?

[Dropdeadfred]

In my this year I had an ectopic pregnancy...due to having several mcs I was offered an early scan at the EPU where I told them I had felt ill, had pain in my side that made me feel sick and faint..
The scanographer said she couldn't see anything in my fallopian tubes but the yolk sac that she could see in my uterus was smal and i would need to come back a week later to ascertain whether it was a viable pregnancy...as we left the room very worried she patted my DH on the shouldder and said 'I'm sorry I couldn't give you better news but at least I have given you some peace of mind knowing it's DEFINITELY NOT an ectopic'

I don't want to go through the whole story but I ended up trying to cope with terrible terrible pain (in tears alot of the time and unable to sleep) for two more days before I ended up begging Dh to take me to A&E
My dd2 (it was her 14th birthday) witnessed me crying and writhing around in pain completely unable to focus on anything else..she then was alone with me when I collapsed in the toilets pulling my drip out of my hand...she was terrified and still doesn't like to think about it
After 17 hours of several surgical teams visiting me and suggesting possible causes (urine infection, kidney stones or appendicitus) they eventually (at 1.20am in the morning rushed me doen to theatre as my hb levels had dropped from 11 to 5 throghout the day and my blood pressure wss very low..
I DID have an ectopic and it had ruptured my tube, which was then removed.

I never got an apology from the EPU, nor a visit from any representive of that department despite being in hospital for 4 days afterwards.
I still dream about this...I wrry about what would have happned if I hadn't called DH and if I had collapsed at home with just dd3...(just turned 3 the previous week)
I had apparently lost over 2 pints of blood internally and could have died...how can that have happened when i had a scan?
I don't want to sue the hospital or anythin like that, i just wish I could get over feeling so upset and angry that this happned and that I now have les chance than ever of getting pregnant again..
Sorry for the rant. just wanted to offload..DH doesn't like to talk about it as he was very very upset (crying on phone to my parents etc)...but he does listen to me if i want...I just don't want to upset him more pointlessly.

[LilRedWG]

DDF - I'm sorry that you had such a terrible time. Please see your doctor and request counselling. In the meantime, we are all here for you. x

[Dropdeadfred]

Thank you LiRedWG for your reply. I don't spend every day thinking about it or anything..sometimes I even 'forget' for a while then it catches me unawres and I end up fighting back tears.
Do you think I would qualify for counselling? I feel a fraud to even consider it in some ways. I just hate dreaming about it...

[CarGirl]

Perhaps you had conceived twins

I agree go to your gp and ask for some counselling, it sounds like your dh needs some too.

You need to "work through it" perhaps - be allowed to verbalise those thoughts/fears grieve for what nearly happened?????

[Dropdeadfred]

Thanks Cargirl..whilst in hospital I was taken for a scan(after the op) to see if there was in fact anything in my uterus..there was nothing
the EPU was literally down the corridor from my ward..at one stage I heard the head ofthe EPU talking loudly about me to the ward sister. She was telling them that she didn't see any point in me taking up an EPU appt as it was obvious I was no longer pregnant

[CarGirl]

The only other person I know who had ectopic had indeed been pregnant with twins and also lost them both

I can't believe they ignored such obvious symptoms and didn't just double check.

[Dropdeadfred]

My DH went to their department after visiting me...the lady who did the scan just kept saying I'm really sorry, I'm so sorry. but still didn't feel the need to explain anything to me or apologise to ME

[LilRedWG]

I really do think you would qualify.

In April I went to have a coil fitted at our local hospital (the doctor couldn't get it in) and after the fitting was complete I broke down totally. After a few minute I realised that I was crying because the physical sensations reminded me of how I felt after having a D&C (I lost two babies before DD was born in May 2006). The doctor was amazing and she asked if I had received any counselling when I lost my babies. When I said no, she immediately referred me to the correct department. It has helped immensely. Just being able to talk about loss and how it impacted me has been invaluable.

Please do seek assistance for yourself and for your DH. My thoughts are with you both. x

[LilRedWG]

I'm going to bed now but please do feel free to CAT me if you have any questions about counselling you'd rather not ask in public. x

[Dropdeadfred]

Thanks so much your kind words
Sorry you had such a bad experience yourself..

[Egg]

Oh Fred .

Just stumbled across this thread. Am so sorry but not at all surprised you still feel so raw about it. I would be an absolute mess.

Whilst not being an expert I would have thought that nobody has to "qualify" as such for counselling, if it can be of any benefit to you then you should go for it.

I really do think you were treated appallingly. Both the times I have been for early scans for brown bleeding (and not experiencing any pain like you were) I was checked for ectopic. It should be one of the first things they check for especially if you have such high level pain. Even if they do see a sac in the correct place it does not rule out that there is one in a tube as well.

I am so sorry it is haunting you .

[Dropdeadfred]

Thanks Egg...I don't dwell on it all the time, far from it - but somehow that make sit worse when I do think about it.

[Starshiptrooper]

Hi - so sorry for what happened to you, it sounds an awful thing to have gone through. You could be suffering from a degree of post-traumatic stress, and from what you have described, I would be surprised if you weren't. Again, I'm no expert, but from what I understand, when someone has suffered a seriously traumatic experience they can be quite allright a lot of the time, but then suffer distressing flashbacks, including bad dreams. I think counselling could help you find ways to cope with the times it does come back to you, so it no longer casts a shadow over your life. Please think about talking to your GP about it. Good luck.

[Dropdeadfred]

Thank you SST. I have reason to be more emotional about the situation now - I just did a test yesterday - i'm pregnant!!

[Egg]

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Fred.

Just wanted to congratulate you over here too.

Am so chuffed for you.

[Starshiptrooper]

Ah - that's just cheered me up no end! Congratulations!!!

[LilRedWG]

CONGRATULATIONS!

Please do seek the counselling (and your DH too if necessary). It does help and will help your stress levels during this pregnancy.

[Dropdeadfred]

Thanks LilRed...I will do - I don't think I'll be in a good state just having to have an early scan again to ensure this one isn't ectopic