I guess I am really tired and really depressed. I am 25 weeks pregnant now. It was unplanned and I never wanted a child. I couldn't have lived with myself if I had had an abortion. I do have feelings that I want to meet my unborn son yet overall because I am so depressed I can't even imagine wanting to hold him when he is born.
I have had depression all my life. I am afraid that after the birth if things grow graver with my mood it would not be sensible to keep him at all. I don't want to hurt him. I never had a relationship with the father so I will be a single parent.
Has anyone else experienced this? A total apathy? I had eating disorders and things and I can't imagine wanting to hold my son close or breast feed. I try to tell myself you'll do it. I go through the motions of buying equipment, planning antenatal classes, reading - doing all the things I am supposed to. I even want to meet him. All the kicks from the inside make you curious but I am not sure if that is enough.
How do you make the decision to give up a child? I know I will wait and see what it is like when I have him but it is something I have been thinking about alot. I try to tell myself it'll be ok when I have him but it isn't ok now and managing on your own with a newborn may make things that much worse. I'm not sure how much of the pregnancy I can actually take at this point. It is miserable and a total disability.
I am slowly loosing will and it is only beligerence that makes me get out of bed. I can ride out alot, I am strong in that sense but I am not prepared to live like this after he is born when I will be responsible for him too.
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Mental health
Depression and keeping an unplanned pregnancy
18 replies
PinkArjuna · 02/03/2005 17:10
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