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Worried about my friend

(10 Posts)
coochybottom Sat 27-Sep-08 10:01:23

Can anyone help me with this? "Look at www.mumsnet.com/Talk/5011/615335"

Thanks xx

coochybottom Sat 27-Sep-08 11:26:58

Please...can anyone shed any light on this for me?

alicet Sat 27-Sep-08 15:09:55

You sound like a very helpful and supportive friend. No advice from me I am afraid but bumping it for you in the hope someone else will see it...

Have you tried talking to her about why she is so protective? I can understand it would be very easy to behave as she is given the tricky start they both had. But her fears are greatly exaggerated.

SOrry no better advice but good luck

BigBadMousey Sat 27-Sep-08 15:38:41

It is actually more common than you might think.

There is a therapy known as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that would help her a lot. It helps you recognise incorrect thinking patterns and change the way you look at these situations. I haven't described that very well I'm afraid but a typical CBT technique would run something like this...

Therapist "Why not send your DCs to nursery?"
Reply - because they may get unwell or their cold may turn into something far worse
"What percentage of times can you be sure that an illness came from nursery or that going to nursery made them worse? What would happen if they got ill? How would that make you feel?"

Still haven't described it very well (sorry blush) but it is very good. this book is the CBT bible. Many local libraries hold a copy of it - maybe you could hunt one down and have a look through. It is very comprehensive but very easy to read and use. Maybe if you had a look through you might get an idea of how to talk her round a bit.

I'm afraid I have zero people skills {blush] but I'm sure as her friend you'll know the best approach for her - I think this book might equip you with some ideas on how to casually discuss her worries. CBT is available on the NHS too. It works well for people with irrational fears and also those who have a particular fear which has taken over their life after a traumatic experience. Counselling is not the same.

coochybottom Sat 27-Sep-08 21:41:32

Thanks so much. xx Is there anyone else out there who has had similar feelings to my friend and has managed to overcome them?

mashedup Sat 27-Sep-08 21:59:57

Hi.

I agree with trying CBT, it is really good. I had similar problems when my children were young - I didn't want them to leave my side in case terrible things happened. My doctor described it as extreme anxiety. I would worry if they crossed the road, did PE, had colds, anything would send me into a panic. I would make sure we had every medicine available in the house, and the car always had petrol in it, in case they had an accident and wanted A&E. This never happened, I've been lucky, they are healthy. As they got older, and regular visits to my doctor and counsellor helped, I realised they have to lead their own lives, and I should stop worrying so much.
Of course, as a parent, I don't think the worry ever goes, but I have learnt to live with it, and be more relaxed.
One way of coping is, I would read a book or magazine, knitting, cooking, gardening, anything to take my mind away from the anxiety. One of my friends began doing jigsaws.
Can't offer any more advice I'm afraid, I hope your friend gets better, I think a visit to the doctor would certainly help. There's no miracle cure, I wish there was.
P.S. I know someone who was born early and weighed 2lb at birth, is now aged 56, and in good health. Her mum used to worry about her, as she was born prematurely.

coochybottom Sat 27-Sep-08 22:04:13

Thanks, I'm not sure how to broach the subject without offending her. Any ideas?

mashedup Sat 27-Sep-08 23:39:59

Hi. I didn't think anything was wrong, but one of my friends told me I couldn't wrap my kids in cotton wool forever, she was concerned for me, and suggested I go to the doctor.
Yes, I was upset and angry that she had suggested there was something wrong, but I now understand she was concerned, as you are for your friend.
One way would be to get some information about anxiety and CBT for your friend to look at, talk to her, explain you are very concerned for her. Would her doctor or nurse visit her?
When her kids start school, she will find it hard, so getting help a.s.a.p would be the best thing.
It's not going to be easy, but she'll appreciate it in the end.

coochybottom Sun 28-Sep-08 08:06:09

Thanks for the advice. Good to hear from someone who has been through it. xx

traceface Sun 28-Sep-08 08:22:02

Hi! my daughter was 10 weeks early and had a rocky start for her first few months. By the age of 18 months she was completely caught up and had no problems at all but that didn't stop me worrying! I was convinced she would die if I had a selfish thought or that I couldn't protect her enough. I was diagnosed with Post natal depression and given anti depressants and a psychiatric nurse support. My husband and I had to tell ourselves that of course she's precious, but no more precious or fragile than any other child in the world. We figured that if we constantly saw her as something 'special' it would affect her behaviour and view of herself etc so we had to make a real effort to not make excuses for her. It was hard because she want to cling on to how much they've 'come through' but I don't think it's healthy for any of you. Perhaps you could talk to your friend about her kids' characters/personalities - they need to be 'normal' and have the opportunity to socialise, make mistakes, catch illnesses and be nursed better by their mummy. I think she needs some GP support - I was reluctant to go at first and thought everyone was overreacting but came to realise that it was just because they cared and I'm so glad I got the help. Hope this helps. Good luck. Your friend is lucky to have you.

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