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Feel very lost

(4 Posts)
pantsmum Mon 22-Sep-08 12:30:34

Hello
My feelings are probably very similar to lots of others on here but I just wanted to get it out to try to give clarity to how I feel myself. I have three DS's - all gorgeous, lively but wonderful. The youngest is 16 months, a great sleeper and adorable in every way despite the whinging! DH is very supportive but has a stressful job, which he handles well, but necessitates him being away frequently. For the past year he was only home at W/E's but we have just moved to a new area, 6 hours away from my old home so we can all be together. We live abroad, I moved here 7 years ago and have not worked since I had first child 6 years ago. I use to have a very full on job in the City and miss this immensely but cannot find a job in the industry here and even other jobs that are accessible (and they are very few and far betwwen) won't consider me as my DH has to move about very frequently with his job and I am a foreigner. I think the move last month has really knocked me for six. I have no friends here yet, normal I know but I miss my old friend dearly. My BF lost her daughter last year in an horrific accident and I worry about her so very much as she is so very guilt ridden. Then I feel bad and selfcentred for even feeling down when she has so very much to cope with. I have joined a gym and work out when I can and find this helps enormously but I just can't help feeling desperately unhappy. I have everyhting to be happy about, but just think is 'this it'. I feel a crap mother, I spend any spare time on the internet and just cry and cry. I don't know where the old 'me' went and the new version is rubbish at everything. Sorry for such a self absorbed posting but just had to get it off my chest.

MissChief Mon 22-Sep-08 13:36:03

sorry to hear that, pantsmum
It's not a competition between you & yr BF in terms of who has the harder time, ifykwim? Of course,she's suffered a horrendous bereavement but that shouldnt detract from the truth of your feelings in any way at all, surely she wouldn't want that either?
You've got a lot to cope with - 3 ds's, dh away, moving house etc etc. Be gentle with yourself if you can. Any old freinds you can phone up? Any baby gorups you can join where you are to help you feel a little more part of things? Worth taking ADs/st john's wort or something to help you through this time?
Hope this helps a little.

Bumbleybee Mon 22-Sep-08 13:59:29

Hi Pantsmum, sorry you are feeling down.

I think it is very hard caring for 3 children of 6 and under, essentially on your own, in a foreign country away from friends and family and any recogniseable support network.

I don't think you should berate yourself, I would imagine that what you are trying to find on the internet is some sense of connection with people.

I am sure that you know that getting out and meeting people may help, I also know it is hard when you move to a new place especially if you are feeling low, it takes a big effort to establish yourself.

Sorry, don't have any answers, hope things improve for you. x

pantsmum Mon 22-Sep-08 14:10:18

Thank you so very much for replying. I feel so much better for getting it all out. I think I just need time to adjust and to try and make friends as I clearly need some adult contact. I am very touched that you took the time to reply, thanks again

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