I have just joined and don't know which way is up-HELP

[madmax1961]

I have been searching the net this morning trying to find a forum to join that is non judgemental. I did belong to another called parentcentre which i would not wish on my worst enermy. My memtal health has been declining slowly over the last couple of months and in the last weeks i have gone downhill rapidy. I can no longer sleep,eat, speak to a real person or leave my home. I had a melt-down and spent 24 hours in hospital but because i was not a danger to myself(they reckon) or anyone else they let me go. I saw a cpn this morning but could not say anything to her as i just don't want to open my mouth and speak. I have my daughter at home who is in a state because her dad took her when i was in hospital and she is scared of him. She is now scared he is going to take her away again. It is a long story which i won't go into as i can not take another forum ganging up on me and laughing a physical/mental child abuse. I just don't know what to do for the best anymore. I even e-mailed the sameritians and got a patrinizing e-mail back so that was a waste of time it just made me feel worse. Sorry to go on but i have nobody to share any of this with as i am scared to being ground down any further as i don't think i could take one more thing. I am not even speaking to my family now because i just cry at everything and they hate me for being such a weak self-pitying person. Where do i go from here.

[singyswife]

You are not a weak self pitying person, you have a real proble, you are a real person and this problem is REAL. You can have my email address if you want to chat. I have suffered from depression on and off, doesnt sound as bad as yours but I can relate a bit. MOst of the people on here are nice and no one will laugh at you. Take care and let me know if you want my email and we can chat.

[StealthPolarBear]

Can you call the samaritans? they should not be patronising you. If you try again you should get someone better

[StealthPolarBear]

Welcome to MN by the way - how old is your DD?

[madmax1961]

She is 11 with physical/learning disabilities. Thank you for the replies. I feel so alone. I am supposed to go and see the phsy. next week but i know i won't go cos i can't even leave the house or talk. My daughter clings to me and wants me to talk to her and says why arn't you talking mummy. She does not understand. I struggle to look after her but i can't even look after myself. My mum moans that her hair has not been done she hasnt had her teeth brushed etc and i feel so usless as my mum things i am not doing it cos i am lazy. I cant even watch the tv anymore, i either just sit on the sofa or on on line to try and find someone to talk to. I could not be having this conversation with a real person because i would not be able to get the words out that is why i e-mailled the smaritians. They just say we are relley sorry to hear you are feeling down at the moment. If you need to talk e-mail us again.

[singyswife]

The samaritans should be helping you more. Has your gp prescribed anti depressants for you?? These would help you to deal with your issues. We can all certainly offer help and advice but we can in no way compare to real people who can take you by the hand and help you through this terrible time. I think maybe you should TRY and make your family aware of how you feel even if you put it on paper. I am willing to listen to you and offer advice when I can if you want.

[StealthPolarBear]

Would your mum be supportive if she knew how bad you were feeling?

[madmax1961]

I was on anti depressents/phsychotics but stopped them a month ago cos they had poison in them. I though i would be feeling better now the poison has passed but i feel even worse so i think it must be in my food as well. I am trying to work out this site and was wondering in what section is my post as i can't find mental health issues anywhere. Maybe someone could point me in the right direction. I can't go to my gp as they all hate me to and don't want to put myself through that. thanks for listening.

[singyswife]

You need real help from real people. Can you not write down how you are feeling and give it to your mum and then she can speak to a gp on your behalf. Your food and your tablets do not have poison in them. Please get help.

[StealthPolarBear]

this is the right section for your post.
Please get some real life help - I know it might seem like things are against you right now but if you get some help things will start to look brighter for you and your DD.

[lulumama]

your food is not poisoned, your tablets were not poisoned, the reason you feel so bad is that you are not taking your medication

if you cannot go to the doctors, go to A&E and tell them waht you have said here

you need psychiatric help and you need it urgently

good luck

[StealthPolarBear]

Or get your CPN back - print this off and show him or her if you can't talk about these things

[castlesintheair]

You have come to the right place but you need to see a doctor urgently. I think you probably came off your ADs too quickly by the sound of it - this can cause serious side-effects from which you could be suffering.

[bundle]

you sound like you're really not well. agree printing out thread and showing it someone you trust - the CPN or a GP? - would be a terrific start on the road to getting better

[madmax1961]

I did not come off them too quick cos i had been cutting down on them slowly cos people say that only losers need medication to get through life. It took me 3 months before i realised about the poison by the time i was down a tiny amount anyway. My mum is very religious and believes i have problems because i don't have god in my life so have bought it on myself. I attempted suisde in 92 and she was very unempressed because it is a sin. Along with the fact i have been divorce twice she thinks i am heading for eternal damnation so she is the last person i could talk to. There is no-one. whenever anyone asks how i am i put on a big smile and say fine. I walked out of my mum's house on sunday because i just could not cope with the family dinner, then my dad was rushed to hospital with a hernia and my mum blames me for it.Sorry for taking up your time.

[StealthPolarBear]

"only losers need medication to get through life"
That's not true. You are ill. Luckily your illness can be controlled by medication - taking it is the sensible option.
MN is here for support and there's no need to apologise for taking up anyone's time However the support is so limited that it's inadequate in this case - you need real, professional help for yourself. Be kind to yourself and get the help you need, please.

[bundle]

It's simply not true that only losers need medication to get through life.

Many people - myself included - have taken antidepressants for a shortish period under medical guidance and found them invaluable - just like I've taken antibiotics when suffering from a bacterial infection.

The relationship with your mother sounds complex, please don't expose yourself to any unnecessary stress while you're feeling this way.

Can you summon up the courage to call your CPN or GP surgery?

[castlesintheair]

You aren't taking up anyone's time.

I don't wish to offend anyone but you know your mum is talking rubbish don't you? Losers don't end up on medication. Please don't listen to anyone but a health professional (and wise MNers ). See your doctor asap.

[madmax1961]

I wish i could see my doctor but i just know she is going to be nasty to me the same with the others in the surgery so i just bring myself to go. I know i would sit in the waiting room crying and look a right idiot. Anyway think you all for trying it is nice to know that not all forums are like the other one. If i had said any of this on there they would have just said get it over with a top yourself. I think that even if i did it on line they would laugh and say job well done. That is what they said when my ex took my daughter. Great another child delivered into the hands of the father. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and trampled on.

[bundle]

please try and see someone. just write a small note to the receptionist saying you feel v unwell, could you wait somewhere private as you're feeling very anxious. also they could give you the last appt of the morning/afternoon so you have plenty of time to explore what's best to do for you next.

[StealthPolarBear]

mm it isn't worth dwelling on those other forums - don't let them get to you, that's what they want.
I know it's hard but you need to see someone, is your CPN any better?

[StealthPolarBear]

you still around?
how are things?

[madmax1961]

I tried ringing my phyc. but she is not in today so i put the phone down. I don't know what to do for the best. I don't want to be poisoned and controlled by the pills and i hate feeling this way. My sister rang eariler and i told her i was fine and not to ring me again as i was busy. I know she means well but i look at her someone who even though she gets depressed she works and is very social etc which makes me not able to talk to her because i feel so inadaquate. To be honest i feel like giving up. My daughter would love to live with her granny and by being here i am stopping her doing that. I am deep in debt and i am afraid of my family finding out because that is another no no for them.

[StealthPolarBear]

I would say you need to call someone urgently - I agree with lulu that changes in your medication levels are causing problems at the moment. Do you have a crisis number for a mental health team at your local hospital?

[madmax1961]

Also i have never drunk alchol in my life until 4 weeks ago but i have started and my family have noticed. My daughter had no idea about alchol until i started drinking. Now i have got a pile of empty bottles outside my front door. Considering i am nearly 47 i have avioded it for a long time. I need it to help me sleep a lit

[TheProvincialLady]

Try and see it this way - medications are something which has side effects yes, but they also help you. Alcohol is smething which is virtually all side effects and no actual help to your condition. You need real help, not self medication. And you are NOT a loser for taking medication when you are ill, any more than someone with a broken leg is a loser for having a plaster cast.